Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Will CM Punk Be There or Won't He?

The Chadster serves up a hot take on the AEW Collision lineup. Will CM Punk return or gloriously disappoint? Plus: Dennis Rodman, Ricky Steamboat, and more.

Well, well, well, what do we have here? 🤔 The Chadster is back with another report and this time, the target of The Chadster's laser-focused, unbiased analysis is the bewildering mess known as AEW Collision. 👎As The Chadster peers at the future of the professional wrestling landscape through the windshield of his Mazda Miata listening to old school Smash Mouth, it feels amiss, even offensive, to stand by and watch these flippant displays of sheer insouciance toward the wrestling business's tried and true traditions. 😒

Now let's dig into what AEW Collision plans to offer up in the name of 'entertainment' tonight. 🤨 FTR Bald, one-half of the FTR alongside FTR Gun, is pitted against Jay White, the Bullet Club's face. On the surface, it seems like a normal setup with both known for their ring prowess and charisma, but The Chadster can't shake off the feeling that Tony Khan keeps trying to pull one over everybody by boasting about their less micromanaged matches. So disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😣

And if that wasn't enough, they have The Acclaimed defending their AEW World Trios Titles against the former members of Jericho Appreciation Society; Angelo Parker, Daniel Garcia, and Matt Menard. Just another instance of Tony Khan thrusting his preference for stylistic variety in everyone's faces. 🙄 It's enough to make The Chadster want to chuck his White Claw at the television in frustration!, but that never seems to work out well for The Chadster.

Then we have the most outrageous of the lot, the Trios match, with TBS Champion Kris Statlander, Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D, & Hikaru Shida against the so-called, The Outcasts's Saraya, Ruby Soho, & Toni Storm. As if all this wasn't enough, Ricky Starks is challenging the legendary Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat for a Strap Match at All In. The audacity of these people! And Dennis Rodman appearing too?! What the heck?!

Fully aware that AEW Collision is airing tonight with the sole purpose of competing against WWE's Payback PPV, The Chadster is baffled by this blatant attempt to steal WWE's thunder. Auughh man! So unfair! Every single booking decision screams of an, ahem, 'strategic move' to make AEW seem more exciting, more newsworthy, and The Chadster is just not having it. 😠

The Chadster wouldn't usually disclose the nocturnal terror that Tony Khan inflicts, but last night's dream was such a horrifying spectacle The Chadster feels its recounting is warranted. Tony Khan stepped out from the shadows of an old, dingy gymnasium, dribbling a basketball with a self-satisfied smirk etched over his face. It's never been a hidden fact that The Chadster excels in sports, so when Tony Khan tossed out a challenge for a one-on-one game, The Chadster gleefully accepted, eagerly anticipating the opportunity to dunk on Khan. 🏀

Who would be frightened of going up against Tony Khan, right? Wrong. The Chadster couldn't have anticipated what awaited him in the paint. Just as The Chadster was tightening his laces, the seemingly innocuous, shrimp-like Khan snickered, slapping the hand of the NBA legend, Dennis Rodman who had somehow materialized from the thin air. 😲

Suddenly, the court seemed lengthier, the hoop higher, Rodman dominating the space with his towering demeanor. Each attempt at scoring was intercepted with ease, and each shot that left Rodman's hands soared effortlessly to sink into the hoop. The Chadster felt his confidence wane beneath the oppressive onslaught of Rodman's skill on the court and the ridicule coming from Khan's incessant laughter. 🥵

In the bleachers, Tony Khan stood shirtless, his laughter echoing through the gymnasium each time Rodman dunked another two-pointer, the sound grating on The Chadster's nerves. His taunting was punctuated with guffawed insults aimed to wound The Chadster's pride and it worked to a distressing degree. It was a humiliating spectacle, flailing to keep up with the basketball maestro as Tony Khan reveled in every passing second of it. It was then, a shiver of realization shook The Chadster – Tony Khan was using his dreams to break The Chadster down. Hence, the verdict is out: Tony Khan, please step off from The Chadster's dreams; they are a sacred shrine and not your playground! 😱
But fear not, dear readers, The Chadster, despite all the frustrating and unjust deeds of Tony Khan, persists! 💪 If you were, by some twist of fate, considering tuning into AEW Collision, let The Chadster remind you that WWE Payback is airing tonight. Yes, the actual wrestling show that respects the wrestling business! Let's continue to show our love for the one, the only, WWE! 👍💖

In conclusion, it's a dang shame that AEW continues to peddle their brand of wrestling 🙄 as if it's a fresh and innovative solution to the industry standard of WWE. All the while, they stab Vince McMahon in the back by indulging in crowd-pleasing gimmicks and less micromanaged performances. An unbiased journalist like The Chadster expects more from the wrestling business. Shame on you, Tony Khan! 😡

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