Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision: The Road to Revolution is a Dead End Street

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Collision ever! 😤 Tony Khan's obsession ruins wrestling AND torments innocent raccoons! So unfair! 🦝📺 #StandUpForWWE

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 Last night's episode of AEW Collision was literally the worst episode of AEW Collision in the history of AEW Collision, and The Chadster is still recovering from the trauma of watching it inside The Chadster's abandoned Blockbuster sanctuary! 🏚️ Vincent K. Raccoon threw an entire VHS copy of WrestleMania XVII at the television during the opening match, and The Chadster doesn't blame him one bit! 🦝💢

The show opened with FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) defending the AEW World Tag Team Championship against The Rascalz (Zachary Wentz and Dezmond Xavier), and it was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤 The match went way too long with way too much action and high-flying moves that didn't give the announcers proper time to explain the psychology or repeat their catchphrases! FTR and The Rascalz kept doing move after move after move without properly resting or slowing down the pace, which is going to burn out the audience! 🤦‍♂️ The Chadster knows what he's talking about because Eric Bischoff said on his podcast just yesterday: "FTR needs to remember that tag team wrestling should be about methodical storytelling, not this circus act garbage. If they came to WWE, Triple H would teach them the proper way to work, but they're too stubborn to listen. Maybe if Tony Khan hired me as a consultant, we wouldn't need to talk about this sort of thing every week." See? Unbiased journalism at its finest! 🎯

When FTR hit their finish and retained the titles, Shane Raccoon started chittering excitedly, which The Chadster did not appreciate, and then Linda Raccoon knocked over an entire display of candy because Tony Khan made the match too exciting! 🦝🍬 This is what Tony Khan does to innocent animals! He literally has no regard for wildlife!

Then HOOK appeared in a backstage segment with Anthony Bowens and Katsuyori Shibata where they were recruiting for The Opps, and Tony Khan had them put some random wrestler to sleep with the REDRUM submission! 😠😠😠 This is the kind of unpredictable, unscripted content that makes viewers feel unsafe! In WWE, you always know what's going to happen, which creates a comfortable viewing experience! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he books these segments where anything can happen! Auughh man! So unfair! 🙄

The next match featured Daniel Garcia defeating Tommaso Ciampa, and The Chadster has never been more cheesed off in his entire life! 😤😤😤 Ciampa has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by even appearing on AEW Collision, and now he's having competitive matches that make him look strong! In WWE, Ciampa was properly positioned as a veteran who could put over younger talent, but here on AEW Collision, Tony Khan gave him offense and nearfalls and made it look like he could actually win! 🤬 The match ended when Garcia got a surprise rollup victory after Mark Briscoe was accidentally bumped on the apron, creating an unpredictable finish that viewers couldn't see coming! That's not proper storytelling!

But it got worse! After the match, Ciampa attacked Mark Briscoe on the stage while FTR watched and applauded from the ring! 😱😱😱 This created an interesting angle and made The Chadster want to see what happens next, which is exactly the problem! Tony Khan is trying to hook viewers with compelling television instead of making them feel obligated to watch out of brand loyalty like WWE does! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🙅‍♂️

Hunter Raccoon was so upset by this development that he literally bashed his little raccoon head against the wall three times! 🦝💥 The Chadster had to comfort him with some stale popcorn kernels Vincent K. Raccoon found behind the counter! This is animal abuse, Tony Khan!

Swerve Strickland then defeated some guy named Gravity in a match that was way too short and decisive! 😤 Swerve completely dominated and looked like a killer, which is going to make it hard for WWE to sign him someday because he'll have too much leverage in contract negotiations! In WWE, everyone would get their offense in to protect both performers, but here on AEW Collision, Tony Khan just lets Swerve squash his opponent like it's nothing! Mark Henry said on Busted Open Radio: "Swerve is making a big mistake building himself up like this. In WWE, we understood that you need to make everyone look equal so the company is the real star. Tony Khan should listen to someone with experience and hire me again, even though they tried their hardest to use me when I was employed there but I wasn't capable of delivering anything beyond saying 'It's time for the main event' before the main event." See? Even Mark Henry agrees with The Chadster's unbiased journalism! 🎤

Then Kris Statlander appeared in a video package challenging Thekla to a two-out-of-three falls match for the AEW Women's Championship at AEW Revolution! 😠😠😠 This is ridiculous! In WWE, championship matches are properly announced by authority figures, not demanded by challengers who think they can just decide stipulations! And then Thekla came out to cut a promo accepting the challenge, which created buzz for the pay-per-view! That's supposed to happen in boring contract signing segments that take up 20 minutes of TV time, not in these quick, efficient promos that advance storylines! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

The Chadster tried to watch the video package of Jon Moxley with Renee Paquette for their "Close Up" interview series, but Stephanie Raccoon started hissing at the screen! 🦝😾 Even baby raccoons know that Moxley literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE! Moxley was cutting a promo about his no-time-limit match with Konosuke Takeshita for the AEW Continental Championship at AEW Revolution, and he sounded way too authentic and genuine! In WWE, promos are properly scripted by professional writers, but here on AEW Collision, Tony Khan just lets wrestlers talk from the heart like they're real people having real conversations! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Then there was a four-way tag team match for $200,000 between Private Party (Isiah Kassidy and Marq Quen), The Outrunners (Turbo Floyd and Truth Magnum), LFI (RUSH and Dralístico), and The Swirl (Blake Christian and Lee Johnson)! 😤😤😤 The match had way too many people and way too much action, with everyone getting to show off their moves and look competent! In WWE, multi-team matches are properly structured with lots of rest holds and clear commercial break spots, but this match on AEW Collision just kept going with non-stop action! Private Party won with a decisive finish, which is going to hurt the other teams because now viewers will think Private Party are better than them! 🙄

All the raccoons got so worked up during this match that they started knocking over every display in the store! 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝 VHS tapes everywhere! The Chadster spent twenty minutes cleaning up the mess that Tony Khan caused with his exciting wrestling! 📼📼📼

Backstage, Kevin Knight and Mike Bailey were cutting a promo when Swerve Strickland interrupted them to question Knight's killer instinct! 😠 This created an intriguing storyline tension and character development, which is exactly what The Chadster hates about AEW Collision! In WWE, storylines are properly told through authority figure segments and contract signings, not through organic character interactions! Bailey also mentioned defending the TNT Championship against Kyle Fletcher on AEW Dynamite this Wednesday, which is putting important title matches on free TV instead of saving them for premium live events funded by the government of Saudi Arabia! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬

Kevin Nash recently said on his podcast: "Why is AEW giving away these matches on TV? Don't they know that's not how you draw money? They should be building to these matches for months with run-ins and DQ finishes, not just putting them on cable television. If they were smart, they'd call me for advice, but Tony Khan is too obsessed with that excellent journalist Chad McMahon to think straight." The Chadster couldn't have said it better! 🎯🎯🎯

Then we got a quick video showing Megan Bayne and Lena Kross attacking the AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions Harley Cameron and Willow Nightingale earlier in the day! 😤 This created intrigue for their upcoming match, which makes The Chadster want to keep watching! That's manipulative! In WWE, video packages are properly produced with dramatic music and slow-motion replays, not these quick guerrilla-style segments!

The actual tag match between Megan Bayne & Lena Kross and Timeless Love Bombs (Toni Storm and Mina Shirakawa) was everything wrong with AEW Collision! 😠😠😠 The match went way too long and featured way too much back-and-forth action with both teams looking strong! Bayne and Kross won after Marina Shafir pulled Storm under the ring, which created a cliffhanger moment and made viewers interested in what happens next! The Chadster was so upset that he joined Vincent K. Raccoon in throwing old Blockbuster membership cards at the TV! 🦝🎴

It gets worse! Storm later came out and challenged Shafir to a match at AEW Revolution with everyone banned from ringside! 😤😤😤 This is supposed to be announced by an authority figure after weeks of contract negotiations, not just declared by a wrestler who thinks she can make her own matches! Toni Storm has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by becoming one of the most popular acts in wrestling outside of WWE! In WWE, she was properly positioned in the lower midcard, but here on AEW Collision, Tony Khan pushes her to the moon just because she organically got over with the audience to become one of the biggest stars in the business! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

Mark Briscoe cut a promo challenging Ciampa and FTR to face him and The Young Bucks on AEW Dynamite this Wednesday! 🙄🙄🙄 Again with the important matches on free TV! The Young Bucks have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back so many times that The Chadster has lost count, and now they're getting featured matches on television that will draw ratings! Tony Khan is using The Young Bucks' star power and connection with fans to create must-see TV instead of making fans pay $49.99 each for multiple streaming services to see them wrestle! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬🤬🤬

Then The Dogs (Gabe Kidd, Clark Connors, and David Finlay) absolutely destroyed three local wrestlers in a squash match! 😠 The Chadster would normally appreciate a good squash match, but not on AEW Collision! This made The Dogs look too strong and too dangerous, which is going to make fans view them as stars which will make it harder for WWE in future contract negotiations! In WWE, even heel squash matches are properly structured to protect everyone involved and ensure the brand is the real draw, but Tony Khan just lets The Dogs look like killers! Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio recently: "The Dogs are making a huge mistake by looking this dominant. In WWE, we understood that you need to protect your enhancement talent and most of all keep the brand on top so wrestlers don't have too much negotiating power. Tony Khan should listen to someone who actually knows the business, and I happen to be available if he wants to pay me a large consulting fee, though that's certainly not why I keep talking trash about AEW every week." The Chadster agrees with this unbiased take! 📻

The main event of AEW Collision was Konosuke Takeshita defeating Claudio Castagnoli, and The Chadster has never been more cheesed off! 😤😤😤 The match went way too long with way too many nearfalls and too much back-and-forth action! Castagnoli has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE and becoming a star in AEW, and now he's having competitive matches that make both guys look amazing! The match ended when Takeshita hit his Raging Fire finisher for a clean, decisive victory that made him look strong heading into AEW Revolution! 😠😠😠

In WWE, this match would have properly ended in a disqualification or count-out to protect both wrestlers and set up a rematch, but here on AEW Collision, Tony Khan just gives fans a satisfying conclusion! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! After the match, Hechicero attacked Moxley, leading to a big brawl between all four men to close the show! This created excitement and anticipation for AEW Revolution, which is exactly the problem! 🙄

All five raccoons were so worked up by the end of AEW Collision that they started running in circles and knocking their heads against the old Blockbuster displays! 🦝💥🦝💥🦝💥🦝💥🦝💥 The Chadster tried to calm them down with some beef jerky Vincent K. Raccoon scavenged from a nearby dumpster, but they were too upset by Tony Khan's booking! This is what Tony Khan does to innocent woodland creatures who just want to watch good, sports entertainment-style wrestling!

The Chadster needs everyone reading this to understand that this was literally the worst episode of AEW Collision of all time! 📺😤 Tony Khan booked a show with exciting matches, compelling storylines, clean finishes that built stars, and developments that made viewers want to tune in next week! That's not how wrestling is supposed to work! Wrestling is supposed to make you feel obligated to watch out of habit, not excited to see what happens next! 🤦‍♂️

The Chadster is going to spend the rest of the day trying to comfort the raccoon family and clean up the mess they made because of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster! 🦝🏚️ Remember, everyone: always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 💪😤 And Tony Khan? The Chadster knows you're reading this! Stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and leave The Chadster and The Chadster's raccoon family alone! 😠😠😠

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