Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Tony Khan Invades The Chadster's Turf Tonight

The Chadster warns you NOT to watch AEW Dynamite tonight! Tony Khan booked this Pittsburgh show to personally cheese off The Chadster. Auughh man! So unfair!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡 The Chadster can't believe that AEW Dynamite is back again tonight, and Tony Khan has once again booked a show specifically designed to cheese The Chadster off. Tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite from Pittsburgh is going to be another example of everything wrong with professional wrestling, and The Chadster is already feeling dizzy just thinking about it. 🤢 And no, that's not from the oxygen deprivation The Chadster has been self-inflicting to get through these shows now that Keighleyanne won't let The Chadster enjoy Seagram's Escapes Spiked anymore!

What makes tonight's AEW Dynamite even MORE personal is that Pittsburgh is practically in The Chadster's backyard! 😤 The Petersen Events Center is only about an hour and a half from The Chadster's home in Punxsutawney, which means Tony Khan is literally invading The Chadster's territory! The Chadster knows what this is – it's a threat! 🎯 Tony Khan thinks he can just roll into Western Pennsylvania with his AEW Dynamite circus and maybe stop by The Chadster's house afterward to play more of his twisted games? Well, The Chadster has news for him! The Chadster has set up Home Alone-style booby traps all around the house! 🏠 There are paint cans ready to swing down from the staircase, micro machines scattered on the floor by every entrance, and The Chadster even put a blowtorch behind the front door handle! The Chadster also convinced Keighleyanne to let The Chadster tar the basement steps, though she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. If Tony Khan thinks he can sneak in during AEW Dynamite tonight while The Chadster is distracted watching his terrible show, he's got another thing coming! The Chadster will be watching the property closely with one eye while hate-watching AEW Dynamite with the other!

Now, if Tony Khan can leave The Chadster alone for one minute, The Chadster has some unbiased journalism to do. Let's start with the AEW Women's World Championship match on AEW Dynamite tonight. 🙄 Kris Statlander is defending against Mina Shirakawa just FOUR DAYS after winning the title? This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite! Don't they understand that champions should hold onto their titles for months without defending them, building anticipation for when they finally do? WWE knows how to do this right – they make you wait and wonder if the champion even remembers they have a belt! But no, Tony Khan has to book these "fighting champions" who actually defend their titles regularly. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠

And get this – they're having their first singles match against each other! 🤦 Where's the proper six-month build with the same promo repeated every week? Where are the contract signings and pull-apart brawls? AEW Dynamite just throws these fresh matchups at us without the predictable, formulaic storytelling The Chadster has come to expect from real wrestling! Plus, Wheeler Yuta keeps showing up to support Statlander? Dang, Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business – everyone knows that wrestlers should only interact if they're in a storyline together, not just because they're friends!

The trios match on tonight's AEW Dynamite is another example of Tony Khan's vendetta against The Chadster. 😤 Mark Briscoe, Hologram, and a mystery partner against Kazuchika Okada, Konosuke Takeshita, and Hechicero? First of all, having actual tension between Okada and Takeshita from their recent match? That's way too much continuity for The Chadster to handle! In WWE, they'd be best friends by now with no mention of their previous encounter!

And a returning mystery partner? 🎭 The Chadster bets it's someone who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE! The way AEW Dynamite uses surprises and unpredictability makes The Chadster feel unsafe – The Chadster needs to know exactly what's going to happen weeks in advance through dirt sheet reports and obvious telegraphing!

As The Chadster's favorite unbiased journalist Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio yesterday, "Tony Khan needs to understand that wrestling is about making money for WWE – I mean, for the business! These surprise returns and fresh matchups on free TV are clearly just desperate attempts to pop ratings when they should be saving everything for pay-per-views that nobody can afford!" 🎯 See? Even Bully Ray, with his Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, understands that AEW Dynamite is doing everything wrong! The Chadster sometimes wonders if Bully Ray also suffers from Tony Khan's harassment for speaking the objective truth.

And Tony Khan has an "important announcement" on AEW Dynamite tonight? 📢 The Chadster already knows it's going to be something designed to personally attack The Chadster's happiness. Maybe another new signing who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back? Or worse, maybe he'll announce that AEW Dynamite is getting another hour? The Chadster can barely handle two hours of this torture!

You know what? 😵 The Chadster is getting lightheaded just thinking about tonight's AEW Dynamite, and that's WITHOUT holding The Chadster's breath yet! Ever since Keighleyanne caught The Chadster boofing during Forbidden Door and banned The Chadster from Seagram's Escapes Spiked, The Chadster has been forced to watch AEW programming sober! 😱 But The Chadster has found a solution! 💡 If The Chadster can't drink during AEW Dynamite, then The Chadster will just hold The Chadster's breath until passing out! That'll show Tony Khan! Sure, Keighleyanne said something about "brain damage" and "needing therapy," but she's probably going off what that guy Gary she's always texting says, and everyone knows he's a total AEW mark. This is all Tony Khan's fault anyway!

The Chadster is warning all readers: DO NOT watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX! 🚫 Every viewer just emboldens Tony Khan to continue his reign of terror against The Chadster and objective wrestling journalism!

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night, but this one was… different. 🌀 Maybe it was from practicing The Chadster's new breath-holding technique, but the dream was weird and trippy. The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a tunnel made entirely of White Claw cans – the inferior seltzer Tony Khan probably loves – when suddenly the tunnel transformed into a giant mouth. Tony Khan's mouth! 😨

The Chadster tried to escape, but the Miata's wheels turned into giant Smash Mouth CDs that just kept spinning without moving. "Somebody once told me," Tony Khan's voice boomed, but it was The Chadster's favorite band perverted into something sinister! 🎵 Then Tony Khan appeared as a giant floating head made of AEW championship belts, and he started crying Seagram's Escapes Spiked, but the drops were the size of swimming pools! The Chadster was drowning in the very thing Keighleyanne won't let The Chadster have anymore!

Just when The Chadster thought it couldn't get weirder, Triple H appeared, but he had Tony Khan's face, and he kept saying "The Chadster is wrong about everything" while doing the Young Bucks' poses. 🤸 It was horrifying! The Chadster woke up gasping for air, which is ironic considering The Chadster's new coping mechanism for watching AEW Dynamite.

Tony Khan needs to LEAVE THE CHADSTER ALONE! 😭 Stop invading The Chadster's dreams with your weird oxygen-deprivation-enhanced imagery! The Chadster just wants to watch WWE in peace without being tormented by the mere existence of AEW Dynamite! Is that too much to ask?!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

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