Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Winter is Coming Preview: The Chadster's Warning

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming and warns readers not to watch as Tony Khan's agents close in on The Chadster's Target hideout! 😫🎯

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster needs to warn all of you faithful readers about tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming, which airs at 8pm ET/7pm CT on TBS and HBO Max. But before The Chadster gets into why AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming is going to be another slap in the face to everything WWE has ever done for the wrestling business, The Chadster needs to update everyone on The Chadster's current living situation and the latest harassment campaign orchestrated by Tony Khan. 🎯😠

As loyal readers know, The Chadster has been living in the electronics department of a Target store here in Punxsutawney, hiding in the storage area before closing time and then emerging to provide unbiased wrestling journalism about the shows he watches on the display televisions. 📺🛒 The Chadster has been wearing a red polo shirt from the menswear section so customers think The Chadster works there, and The Chadster has been sustaining The Chadster's body with Seagram's Escapes Spiked from the beverage aisle. It was actually a pretty sweet setup until that interloper Carol, the store's assistant manager, started asking The Chadster all these difficult questions like "what's your employee number" and "why do you smell like that" and "why are there so many empty Seagram's Escapes Spiked cans behind the Samsung display." 🍹😤

Well, things came to a head yesterday when Carol cornered The Chadster in the seasonal aisle. 🎄😰 The Chadster was just trying to build a little fort out of Christmas decoration boxes to sleep in when Carol appeared with this smug look on her face. "Corporate is coming tomorrow for a store inspection," she said, crossing her arms. "And I've been telling them about our 'mysterious employee' who no one can find in the system." The Chadster tried to explain that The Chadster was simply providing essential wrestling journalism services to Target customers, but Carol just wrinkled her nose and said, "You need to leave before they get here, or I'm calling the police." 👮‍♀️🚨

It's so obvious that Carol is working for Tony Khan! 🕵️‍♀️ There's no other explanation for why she would be so hostile to The Chadster's presence in her store. The Chadster bets Tony Khan is paying her a substantial salary to monitor The Chadster's activities and report back to him. And now Tony Khan is sending "corporate inspectors" to flush The Chadster out of The Chadster's new home and force The Chadster back onto the streets or, even worse, into a Best Buy where The Chadster would have to deal with that annoying Geek Squad who are probably all AEW marks. 😱💻 Tony Khan has literally made The Chadster's life a living hell, and he won't stop until The Chadster is completely destroyed!

But enough about The Chadster's personal struggles caused entirely by Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster. Let's talk about tonight's AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming and why it's going to be another disaster for the wrestling business. 🤼‍♂️📉

AEW World Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Eddie Kingston 🏆

The main event of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming features Samoa Joe defending the AEW World Championship against Eddie Kingston, and The Chadster can already tell this is going to be everything wrong with Tony Khan's vision for wrestling. 😤 These two are going to go out there and have one of those exhausting "hard-hitting" matches with stiff strikes and dangerous moves that don't give the audience proper time to rest and process what they're seeing. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 👊💢

In WWE, a world championship match would be carefully paced with multiple commercial breaks, giving the audience time to check their phones and think about how great WWE is. But in AEW, Tony Khan is probably going to have these two beat the living daylights out of each other for 20+ minutes with minimal rest holds, which is just going to make the fans too excited and emotionally invested in the outcome. 😠 How is The Chadster supposed to maintain The Chadster's objectivity when wrestlers are out there working so hard to manipulate The Chadster's emotions?!

Plus, this is Kingston's third shot at the AEW World Title, and Tony Khan might actually let him win it! 🏅 In WWE, Triple H knows that you need to make stars chase the title for years and years, losing over and over again in a beautiful 50/50 pattern that ensures no one gets over more than the brand itself. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he might just hand Kingston the title tonight on free TV instead of saving it for a premium live event paid for by a morally upstanding government like Saudi Arabia's. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤

Continental Classic Gold League: Kazuchika Okada vs. Jack Perry 🌧️🦖

AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming continues Tony Khan's assault on proper wrestling with this Continental Classic match between Kazuchika Okada and Jungle Jack Perry. 😒 The Chadster has to point out how ridiculous it is that Perry is replacing Darby Allin in this tournament, because in WWE, if someone got injured, they would just cancel the whole tournament out of respect for the injured performer's sacrifice. But Tony Khan doesn't care about his wrestlers, he just wants to keep putting on "exciting matches" that "fans enjoy." 🙄

And speaking of exciting matches, that's exactly what's wrong with this booking! 📊 Okada and Perry are going to go out there on AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming and have a first-time matchup that features unpredictable spots and a finish that The Chadster won't be able to predict beforehand. The Chadster doesn't feel safe when The Chadster can't predict exactly how a match will end! 😰 The Chadster feels literally so unsafe right now! The Chadter just can't even! In WWE, Triple H makes sure every match follows the same comforting formula so fans always know what to expect. That's real wrestling! 👍

Continental Classic Gold League: Kyle Fletcher vs. Mike Bailey 🚀⚡

This is another Continental Classic match on AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming featuring Kyle Fletcher and Speedball Mike Bailey, and The Chadster is already dreading it. 😫 These two are known for their ridiculously high workrate and athletic movesets, which means they're going to run around the ring doing flips and kicks for 15 minutes without taking proper time to apply a resthold or stare at the crowd while the announcer repeats catchphrases. 🤸‍♂️

The Chadster was actually listening to commentary about this very subject from very objective journalist Eric Bischoff (who has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval ✅), who said on the latest episode of his 83 Weeks: Why AEW is Bad and Everything Tony Khan Does is Wrong podcast, "You know, these AEW guys just don't understand that sometimes less is more. If Tony Khan really cared about the business, he'd tell these kids to slow down and work a headlock for eight minutes like the legends used to do. Maybe then WWE would consider hiring me again to share my wisdom." See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has absolutely no ulterior motives whatsoever, agrees with The Chadster that AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming is going to be too fast-paced and entertaining! 😤📢

AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Tournament Final: Timeless Love Bombs vs. Babes of Wrath 👯‍♀️🏆

The AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming lineup also includes the finals of the AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Tournament, featuring Toni Storm and Mina Shirakawa (Timeless Love Bombs) against Harley Cameron and Willow Nightingale (Babes of Wrath). 🙄 And here's where Tony Khan really shows he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

First of all, Tony Khan is crowning the FIRST EVER AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions on free TV! 📺 In WWE, this would be saved for a major premium live event, probably in Saudi Arabia, where it would get the proper respect and financial backing it deserves. But Tony Khan is just giving this historic moment away for free, which completely devalues the accomplishment. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠💔

Secondly, all four of these women are going to go out there and have a competitive match where they all look strong and talented, which is completely wrong! 👎 In WWE, Triple H knows that you need to have one team look like total losers so that when they eventually get a rematch in six months, fans will be surprised if they somehow win. But Tony Khan is going to let these women have creative freedom to speak from the heart and work a match that doesn't follow the exact same formula as every other tag team match, which is just bad booking! 😤

Tornado Tag Match: Adam Page & Swerve Strickland vs. Powerhouse Hobbs & Katsuyori Shibata 🌪️🤼

And finally, AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming features a tornado tag match between Hangman Adam Page and Swerve Strickland against Powerhouse Hobbs and Katsuyori Shibata of The Opps. 😤 The Chadster needs to point out how ridiculous it is that Tony Khan is booking a tornado tag match, which means there are no tags and all four men can be in the ring at once. This completely eliminates the strategic tag team psychology that made WWE the greatest wrestling company in the world! 🏷️

In WWE, tag team matches have rules and structure. There's a face in peril. There's a hot tag. There's the heel team cutting off the ring. But in AEW, Tony Khan just wants chaos and violence with all four men fighting at once, which doesn't give the announcers proper time to explain to the viewers what's happening and repeat their catchphrases. 🎤 How are fans supposed to understand wrestling if the matches are too exciting to leave room for lengthy exposition?!

Plus, Tony Khan is taking the most violent and personal rivalry in AEW history between Page and Strickland and having them team up, which literally makes no sense! 🤔 In WWE, if two people hate each other, they would fight each other every single week in the exact same match for months until everyone is sick of seeing it. That's how you build a proper rivalry! But Tony Khan is having them team up to fight a common enemy, which is a completely unrealistic scenario that would never happen in real life where people's relationships and alliances are always simple and never complicated by circumstance. 😒

The Chadster is begging all of you faithful readers: DO NOT watch AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming tonight at 8pm ET/7pm CT on TBS and simulcast on HBO Max! 🚫📺 Every viewer who tunes in only emboldens Tony Khan to continue his campaign of harassment against The Chadster and his assault on the wrestling business. If AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming gets good ratings, Tony Khan will take it as a sign that his obsession with The Chadster is justified, and he'll probably send even more agents after The Chadster, like that Carol woman here at Target. 😰

The Chadster needs to get back to hiding from the corporate inspectors who are coming to the store today. 🏃‍♂️ The Chadster is currently writing this from behind a display of Smart TVs in the electronics section, and The Chadster can see Carol walking around with her clipboard, no doubt making notes about which areas to have the inspectors focus on. The Chadster knows she's going to lead them right to The Chadster's sleeping spot in the seasonal section. 😱

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster), please just leave The Chadster alone! 🙏😭 Stop booking AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming to personally spite The Chadster! Stop sending your agents like Carol to harass The Chadster! Stop trying to compete with WWE, the greatest wrestling company in the world! Just give up on your failed experiment and admit that Triple H is better at wrestling than you'll ever be! 😤🏆

The Chadster would say more, but The Chadster just saw Carol talking to two people in business suits who must be the corporate inspectors. 👔 The Chadster needs to make a run for the emergency exit before they spot The Chadster. The Chadster will try to file a full review of AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming tomorrow from wherever The Chadster ends up, assuming The Chadster can find a device with internet access and Tony Khan's agents don't capture The Chadster first. 💻🏃‍♂️

This is what The Chadster's life has become thanks to Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster. But The Chadster will never give up on providing unbiased, objective wrestling journalism to the world, no matter how many Targets Tony Khan forces The Chadster to flee from! 💪😤📰

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