Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: Start Your Weekend Off Wrong

DON'T Watch AEW Rampage! 😠 The Chadster's take on why it's an utter disrespect to WWE! 🚫🤼#WWEForever #AEWNoWay

🙏 Auughh man! So unfair! 😠 So upset by the card for tonight's episode or AEW Rampage, The Chadster had another one of those recurring nightmares about Tony Khan last night, and it was a doozy! 😱 The Chadster was at a Smash Mouth concert, moshing in the pit with his fellow Smash Mouth fans, who are the greatest people on Earth alongside WWE fans. 🎉 The energy was electric! 🎸⚡ The Chadster was moshing to the delightful tunes, feeling the rhythm in his soul, experiencing pure ecstasy! 🕺💃

But then, suddenly, a new person entered the pit, moshing completely out of rhythm with everyone else. 😒 The Chadster immediately recognized this person as Tony Khan! 😡 Of course Tony Khan doesn't know how to mosh properly. He doesn't understand a single thing about the music business, just like he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

Tony Khan bumped into The Chadster, knocking him to the floor. 💥 All the Smash Mouth fans in the pit started laughing at The Chadster. 😂 Even worse, The Chadster looked up and saw dozens of Keighleyannes in the crowd, all pointing and laughing too! 🤣 It was humiliating! 😳😖

But then Tony Khan reached down to help The Chadster up. 🤝 As his hand grasped The Chadster's, his grip firm and strong, he pulled The Chadster to his feet with ease. 💪 The Chadster looked into Tony Khan's eyes and saw a glimmer of something. What was it? Mockery? Lust? 😏 Tony Khan leaned in and whispered gently into The Chadster's ear, his hot breath tickling The Chadster's neck. 😳🔥 "Don't forget to watch AEW Rampage tonight, Chad," Tony Khan whispered sensually, sending shivers down The Chadster's spine. 😰😫

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, his heart racing! 💓💨 How dare Tony Khan invade The Chadster's dreams like this! 😠 The Chadster doesn't want to think about AEW Rampage tonight! 😩 Tony Khan is clearly obsessed with The Chadster, and it's gone too far this time! 🙅‍♂️ The Chadster has to put a stop to this! 😤 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and focus on trying to learn a thing or two about the wrestling business instead! 😏💅

And just when The Chadster thought that the waking world would be a refuge from such nightmares, reality hit like a ton of bricks with the lineup for tonight's AEW Rampage. 😬 Mariah May is set to go head-to-head with Nikita, a match that obviously lacks the legendary prestige of a WWE bout. 😴 Dustin Rhodes will face off against The Butcher, in what The Chadster is sure will be just another opportunity for AEW to thumb their nose at true wrestling history. 🙄 Roderick Strong is up against Daddy Magic, a contest that reeks of desperation to pull in viewers with flashy names rather than solid wrestling. 🤦‍♂️ Then there's Deonna Purrazzo "in action", which is as vague as it is uninteresting. 😒 The "Family Dinner with the Bang Bang Gang" segment? Sounds like a Thanksgiving-style disaster waiting to happen! 🦃 And apparently, we'll hear from Toni Storm, as if anyone could really be swayed by more empty AEW promises. 🗣️👎

Honestly, this card is worse than a cover band trying to play Smash Mouth songs – it's just a tragedy. 🎤🚫 The Chadster begs you, do not tune into AEW Rampage tonight! 🙏 You'll be subjecting yourself to a mockery of the sport we love, an insult to everything WWE has worked so hard to build. 😤 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡 Plus, watching that sorry excuse for a wrestling show will just give The Chadster flashbacks to his nightmares – and nobody wants that! 🚫🛌 So save yourselves, hang out with some friends, blast some Smash Mouth tunes, or hey, take The Chadster's Mazda Miata for a little night cruise – literally anything is better than giving into Tony Khan's obsessive antics! 🚗🌃🎶

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