Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Review: Cheap Thrills and Barber Shop Betrayal

The Chadster spares no detail in a scathing takedown of the latest AEW Rampage and a barber betrayal that left The Chadster utterly cheesed off! 😤✂️🤼

Hey there, everyone! The Chadster is back with another scathing report on what The Chadster can only describe as an absolute affront to the wrestling industry. The Chadster is talking about AEW Rampage, and let The Chadster tell you, it was as horrible as The Chadster expected. Last night's episode, oh boy, The Chadster hasn't been this cheesed off since Tony Khan buying the entire stock of White Claw seltzers from The Chadster's grocery store. 😡

Let's get this over with. We began with Eddie Kingston defending his title against Wheeler Yuta. Yuta tried to chain wrestle, and honestly, The Chadster felt like he was watching an exhibition instead of a proper wrestling match – something Vince McMahon would never subject The Chadster to. Then there were open palm strikes and topes, which The Chadster found clearly excessive. Kingston ended up retaining the title, but not before giving The Chadster a headache with all those rapid-fire chops. So unfair! 😒

Then backstage, Renee Paquette chatted with The Hardys and Mark Briscoe. They're talking about kicking butt in the ratings? Ha! As if they could beat the global phenomenon of WWE. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🤦‍♂️

Swerve Strickland squared off against Matt Sydal in what was, according to Excalibur and Tony Schiavone, quite the impressive showing. Sure, Swerve won, but, The Chadster bets he would never pull off a victory that smooth in the grand stage of WWE. 🙄

Now, let's talk about Hikaru Shida and Queen Aminata. Their match ended in a hug – a hug! When has WWE ever ended a match with such frivolous camaraderie? It's almost like AEW is purposely trying to undermine the foundations of the wrestling world that were built by the likes of Vince McMahon. 😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Before the main event, Renee Paquette was backstage with Ruby Soho and Saraya, and what unfolded next just proves how low AEW will stoop to get some cheap shock value.

There they were, discussing personal betrayals on a wrestling show – as if personal drama has any place in professional wrestling! 😒 Saraya showed Ruby some hidden footage that led to Ruby shoving a birthday cake in Angelo Parker's face and storming off, believing he betrayed her. Of course, video manipulation was in play, and Parker wasn't at fault. But the damage was done. 🎂💔

This segment had The Chadster boiling! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Plus, it's literally stabbing Vince McMahon right in the back, using cheap theatrics instead of real wrestling action. When will these people learn that they don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business? The Chadster is just… The Chadster can't even… 😡🤯

And just when The Chadster thought it couldn't get worse, Parker, Menard, and Hager faced off against The Dark Order. Yawn. The Dark Order took the win, but The Chadster was too distracted by the thoughts of how much better WWE's factions are to care. 🥱

The Chadster had an utterly ridiculous encounter this morning, one that The Chadster can only attribute to Tony Khan's relentless campaign to personally victimize The Chadster. 😠 The Chadster strode confidently into the barber's, ready for a fresh trim, only to find that The Chadster's usual stylist was suspiciously absent. Instead, there stood a guy with an ostentatiously bushy mustache and tinted sunglasses that screamed "cheap disguise."

The Chadster hesitated, thinking the guy behind the chair looked oddly familiar, but The Chadster's need for neat locks overcame any sense of doubt. "Let\'s chop the mop," The Chadster said, trying to ease the oddly tense mood. This barber – if that's really what he was – worked fervently at the back of The Chadster's head, snipping and buzzing with such meticulousness that The Chadster couldn't help but feel impressed.

However, as the chair spun around, a horror beyond belief faced The Chadster in the mirror. 😱 The Chadster's beautiful mane had been vandalized with the unmistakable AEW Rampage logo shaved smack-dab in the middle! Augh! The betrayal, the audacity!

Seized by a righteous fury, The Chadster lunged, gripping the oversized mustache and tearing it free to reveal – who else but Tony Khan! The barber shop erupted into chaos, with The Chadster in hot pursuit of his tormentor. Tony ducked behind chairs, skidded around customers, even leaped over a pile of hair clippings, with The Chadster stumbling behind, tripping over capes, and slipping on spritzed water. Scissors and combs became impromptu projectiles, brushing past The Chadster's ears as Khan flung them in a wild attempt to slow The Chadster down.

Despite The Chadster's top-tier athleticism, akin to that of a WWE superstar, Tony proved slipperier than an eel covered in hair gel. With one final smirk over his shoulder, Tony dove through the shop's back door and into the sunlit escape of freedom, leaving The Chadster clutching at the air.

And now, The Chadster's head is imprisoned under a baseball cap, hidden away from the mocking eyes of the world, and subject to Keighleyanne's continual nitpicking. "You'll just have to wear that hat forever, Chad," she quipped, already rolling her eyes for the umpteenth time as she texted back and forth with that guy Gary. 😒 The psychological warfare of Tony Khan knows no bounds, and today, it hit The Chadster not just in the heart, but on the scalp. 😩

In conclusion, folks, AEW Rampage was another typical night filled with everything that's wrong about this company. And after it was all done, The Chadster was left picking up pieces—of White Claw seltzer cans off the carpet, because The Chadster just couldn't take it anymore. And of course, Keighleyanne was too busy texting that guy Gary to even pretend to care about The Chadster's plight. Just thinking about all these wrongdoings, The Chadster can't help but feel cheesed off. And do The Chadster's fellow unbiased journalists, Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger, suffer this much? The Chadster wonders if they too feel the wrath of Khan's obsession.

Remember fans, The Chadster is just trying to give you the true, unbiased facts of the wrestling world, and although AEW likes to think they're something special, they don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. Catch The Chadster later, and stay away from AEW Rampage, unless you enjoy watching a mockery of wrestling. Peace out, and remember – WWE forever! 😤🎤🚫🤼

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