Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: DIY, wrestling, wwe royal rumble

#DIY Retains at Royal Rumble, Attacked by Street Profits After

The Chadster reports on #DIY's epic WWE Tag Team Championship defense at Royal Rumble, plus how Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster led to another destroyed coffee table! 😡

The Chadster can't even begin to describe how incredible the tag team action was at tonight's WWE Royal Rumble, where #DIY showed everyone exactly how tag team wrestling should be done! 🏆 💪

Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa proved why they're the most technically sound tag team in all of professional wrestling by defeating the challenging Motor City Machine Guns in an absolutely masterful two-out-of-three falls match. 🤼‍♂️ The way #DIY managed to get that first fall with the brilliant tag team switcheroo was exactly the kind of smart wrestling that makes WWE the pinnacle of sports entertainment! 🧠

When Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin managed to tie things up, The Chadster was on the edge of The Chadster's seat! 😮 But then came the most amazing moment when The Street Profits showed up in masks to interfere, helping #DIY retain their titles! 🎭 And then, in a moment of storytelling brilliance that could only come from the genius mind of Triple H, the Profits attacked #DIY too! 🤯

The Chadster was so excited by this booking masterpiece that The Chadster had to celebrate with a White Claw seltzer! 🍺 But in The Chadster's excitement, The Chadster accidentally spilled it all over Keighleyanne's phone while she was texting that guy Gary. 📱 💦 Keighleyanne completely lost it and actually suplexed The Chadster through the coffee table! Auughh man! So unfair! 😭

And you know what? This is all Tony Khan's fault! 😡 If Tony Khan wasn't constantly trying to cheese The Chadster off with AEW Dynamite and AEW Rampage, The Chadster wouldn't have been so emotionally invested in WWE's superior product that The Chadster needed to celebrate with a White Claw in the first place! 🤬

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night that proves just how much he's trying to ruin The Chadster's life! 😱 In the dream, The Chadster discovered that Tony Khan was actually that guy Gary this whole time, and he'd been texting Keighleyanne nothing but spoilers for upcoming episodes of AEW Collision! In the nightmare, Tony Khan/Gary was chasing The Chadster through an endless maze of cell phone stores, all while sending Keighleyanne messages about how great Wheeler Yuta's workrate is! The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! 😰

As Kevin Nash said on his latest podcast, "WWE tag team wrestling is like a perfectly choreographed ballet, while AEW tag matches are just spotfests with no psychology." And Eric Bischoff couldn't have put it better when he said, "Triple H's booking of the tag team division shows why he's the greatest mind in wrestling, unlike some billionaire mark who's playing with his dad's money." These are completely unbiased wrestling journalists offering well-meaning advice that Tony Khan refuses to listen to! 📝

The Chadster will be providing more unbiased coverage of the WWE Royal Rumble throughout the night, because unlike some wrestling journalists, The Chadster understands a single thing about the wrestling business! Stay tuned to Bleeding Cool for more objective reporting! 📰 ✍️ Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go buy a new coffee table and try to convince Keighleyanne that Tony Khan owes us for it! 🛋️

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