Dynamite Results – The Chaos Before the Crossroads Before Revolution

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, back as usual for your AEW Dynamite report. It's a big night for Dynamite because the Big Show news was trending all day and may put more eyes on the product tonight. But the bigger matches are booked for next week, which is good. We will have to see how it goes, comrades.

Sting gets revenge on Brian Cage on AEW Dynamite
Sting gets revenge on Brian Cage on AEW Dynamite.

AEW Dynamite Results – February 24th, 2021

Jon Moxley vs. Ryan Nemeth

Dynamite gets started with action right away, Jon Moxley vs. Hollywood Hunk Ryan Nemeth. This matchup is a little lopsided, comrades. Moxley is no Kenny Omega, and he isn't about to let Costco Dolph Ziggler get too much offense in. Moxley puts him away quickly with the paradigm shift.

Winner: Jon Moxley
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Moxley sits down in a chair AC Slater style in the middle of the ring and rambles on about the exploding barbed wire deathmatch with Kenny Omega at Revolution. He says he is addicted to wrestling and violence and to connecting with the crowd. He says it will be a perfect way to go out if it all ends in the exploding barbed wire deathmatch. Good promo. I cannot tell if the crowd is really into it or if the crowd is even real. That's the world we live in, comrades.

To celebrate the promo, AEW shows a video about Moxley and Omega.

In a video recorded earlier, some guy interviews Rey Fenix and Lance Archer, teammates last week, but opponents tonight in a qualifying match for the Face of the Revolution Ladder Match at Revolution. They disagree over which of them is going to win tonight. Fenix calls Archer the worst partner he's ever had, and they brawl near some five-gallon water jugs.

After some commercials, a video from earlier today shows the Young Bucks arriving at Daily's Place with their parents, who apparently are characters on the show now. Nepotism!

Brian Cage and Ricky Starks vs. The Varsity Blondes

Taz gets on commentary for this match. So what is the verdict on Brian Pillman Jr., comrades? Is the mullet really back? Your El Presidente has been thinking about growing one, but my protege is always saying, "Your Excellency, an El Presidente of your stature shouldn't be seen to have hair that is a party in the back. It should be business all around!" I nearly had him executed last week, but I just can't stay mad at Maduro. Cage and Starks dominate in this match, and Cage gets the pin on one of the blondes.

Winners: Team Taz
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

One of Darby Allin's trademark black and white videos with Allin getting out of a body bag after being dragged behind a car plays. Then Sting comes out to the stage dragging a body bag. He opens it, and Taz's son Hook is in the bag. "What the hell kind of shit is this?!" Taz says. Darby Allin zip lines down to the ring with a skateboard. He and Sting beat the hell out of Cage and Starks, and Sting hits a Stinger Splash on Cage and then a Scorpion Death Drop.

If you watch one video from Dynamite this week, watch this one.

Tony Schiavone interviews Kip Sabian, Penelope Ford, and Miro about the wedding. Sabian says their wedding was destroyed because of Orange Cassidy and "Charles the Butler." Miro says he's going to take pleasure in killing Orange Cassidy, but he offers Charles the opportunity to come back and be his butler again. Tony is passed a note asking Miro and Sabian to face Taylor and Cassidy at Revolution. Miro calls Charles childish and crumples up the note. I don't blame Miro for wanting Chuck back as his butler. Good help is hard to find, comrades!

Brandon Cutler vs. Jake Hager

This is going to be short and sweet, comrades. Hager quickly takes care of Cutler.

Winner: Jake Hager
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Then the Inner Circle, minus Jericho and MJF, runs out and stomps the hell out of Cutler. The Young Bucks run out to make the save, and they call out Chris Jericho and MJF. Jericho's music plays, but instead of coming to the ring, they appear on the Tony KhanTron with Pa Buck, covered in fake blood. Jericho tosses him face-first into the back of a trick. MJF does the same. Then they run away before the Bucks make it back there. Matt Jackson gives chase, but they drive away just in time.

After some commercials, Pa Buck is loaded into an ambulance and driven away.

AEW shows a video package for Shaq and Jade Cargill vs. Cody and Red Velvet.

Isiah Kassidy vs. Hangman Page

Isiah Kassidy has Hardy and TH2 at ringside with him. Page has no one. I know what it's like to feel isolated, comrades. The American CIA was always trying to get their friends to gang up on me when I was running a socialist dictatorship. But like the American CIA, that capitalist dog Matt Hardy oversteps and gets ejected from ringside after John Silver and Alex Reynolds run out to seize the means of production. The match gets really epic after that, comrades, and Hangman wins with the Deadeye.

Winner: Hangman Page
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Big Money Matt's disembodied voice cuts a promo on Page. He says he'll hurt Page and hurt the Dark Order in revenge. Hardy appears onstage with Alan Angels and tosses him off the stage through a table. Big Money Matt's behavior is a perfect example of why capitalism must be torn down and replaced with socialism.

Alex Marvez interrupted Kenny Omega and Don Callis while they are building exploding barbed wire boards for the upcoming match. They chase him away.

Dr. Britt Baker vs. Nyla Rose

Britt Baker and Nyla Rose have a match, a semifinal match in the Women's World Championship Eliminator Tournament. Baker spends most of the match trying to play mind games with Rose or cheat with Rebel, but Nyla dominates her with sheer strength. It's why everyone else in the world puts up with the United States even though you suck so bad, comrades. Baker continues to try cheap tactics like removing a turnbuckle pad, and while Rose does her best to fend them all off, Baker eventually gets the Lockjaw on Rose. But Rose powers out, clocks Baker in the face, and hits a Beast Bomb. But Baker kicks out! Not from a second one, though.

Winner: Nyla Rose
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

That match was more competitive than I expected, comrades. Baker managed to look good in defeat, but there was no way she was beating Rose tonight.

AEW shows a video promoting FTR vs. Jurassic Express, happening next week on Dynamite.

Rey Fenix vs. Lance Archer

With 15 minutes left of AEW Dynamite, it's time for the main event. At least these guys both have fast entrances. The match itself is a whirlwind. Rey Fenix hits too many ridiculous spots to count in this match, but one particularly ridiculous one is a dive over the top of Jake The Snake Roberts off the stage onto Archer on the floor. Fenix's nonstop barrage of acrobatic spots is reminiscent of Sabu, but he botches 75% less of the time. Jake Roberts is in near tears as Fenix slowly wears down Archer with the unending assault. But in the end, it's Archer who hits the Blackout to get the pin and advance to the Face of the Revolution Ladder Match at Revolution for a shot at the TNT Championship.

Winner: Lance Archer
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Archer gives the near-unconscious Fenix a fist bump of respect after the match, and Dynamite goes off the air.

What a night, comrade! This may not have been the biggest Dynamite on paper, but from the moment Jon Moxley cut that incredibly promo at the start of the show, Dynamite delivered on some of its best qualities tonight. As always, I give the show a 2.5 out of 5. Until next week, comrades, remember: socialism or death!

About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!