Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Wrestlemania, wrestling

WrestleMania XL Wins at Capitalism, Breaking Records

El Presidente dives deep into WrestleMania XL's record-breaking splendor from his secret submarine! Join the spectacle, comrades!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, writing to you from the opulent quarters of my secret submarine cruising stealthily beneath the icy waters of the Arctic—because when the world attends WrestleMania, a savvy dictator watches from depth's unknown! And oh, have I got a tale of triumph and capitalist opulence that would make even Karl Marx pop a small smile of intrigue.

WrestleMania XL shone brightly at Lincoln Financial Field, where an astronomical 145,298 fans gathered over two glorious nights. This crush of humanity wasn't just from the local proletariat either; no, comrades, they came from all 50 states and 64 different countries! Imagine, the comrades from Cuba could have mingled with those from Uzbekistan, all united under the grand banner of sports entertainment! This breaks the previous attendance record set by WrestleMania 39 by an astounding 78 percent. If only my rallies could draw such crowds without the need to offer free goats.

The viewership was a spectacular sight to behold, increasing by a robust 41 percent from last year—the capitalist machinery of promotion and spectacle knows no bounds! Even the merchandise flew off shelves faster than accusations at a UN human rights council meeting, up more than 20 percent in partnership with Fanatics. Clearly, the appetite for Capitalist iconography remains unsated.

And let's not forget, comrades, the spectacle of technology and branding that plastered wrestling rings, arenas, and even the capitalist airwaves. This WrestleMania featured the first-ever ring mat sponsorship with PRIME Hydration—it's like the entire event was watered by the sweet nectar of American consumerism. Speaking of which, WrestleMania smashed records even on social media, gathering over 660 million views. This is the kind of surveillance I can only dream of achieving!

The highlight—oh, the absolute jewel in the crown—was the return of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. There is something so delightfully American about a man who can be both a people's champion in the ring and a charming rogue in the movies. This kind of double-agent activity makes even my most seasoned spies green with envy. And alongside him, the triumph of "The American Nightmare" Cody Rhodes over Roman Reigns, what a narrative, comrades! It's a storyline so rich, I'd ponder exporting it as a national resource.

Given all these record-breaking accomplishments, one can only marvel at how WrestleMania continues to elevate itself, much like a capitalist rocket aiming for the moon while conveniently forgetting the socio-economic disparities it flies over.

Until the revolutions of our hearts meet again, keep your spirits high and your capitalist critique even higher. WrestleMania may be a fest of American extravagance, one which we can critique for its blatant celebration of consumerism—but, my friends, as your El Presidente, even I have to admit… it is quite the show. Will I see you next year, behind the smokescreen of fireworks and flying chairs? Only time will tell!

For now, I retreat back into the shadowy depths where not even the CIA can meddle in my affairs—until the next spectacle, comrades! Viva la Revolution… and maybe just a little bit of WrestleMania.

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!