Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: John Cena, recaps, wrestling, wwe backlash

Epic: John Cena Retains at WWE Backlash with Help from R-Truth

The Chadster explains why R-Truth's involvement in John Cena's WWE Championship retention over Randy Orton was the greatest ending in wrestling history! 🏆 Auughh man! So good! 😍

The Chadster is absolutely thrilled 🤩 to report on what was undoubtedly the greatest premium live event in the history of professional wrestling, WWE Backlash! The main event between John Cena and Randy Orton was nothing short of spectacular, and the ending with R-Truth getting involved was the most brilliant piece of storytelling The Chadster has seen in his entire life. 🙌 🏆

The match between these two legendary competitors was everything The Chadster could have hoped for and more! 😍 The way Triple H booked this match shows that he truly understands the wrestling business, unlike Tony Khan, who wouldn't know good wrestling if it slapped him in the face. 🤦‍♂️

When Cena and Orton locked up at the beginning, The Chadster was already on the edge of his seat. 😮 The psychology these two displayed was masterful! The way they paced themselves and built up to big moments instead of just doing a bunch of random flips and dives like they do in AEW was just so refreshing. 💯

But the true stroke of genius came at the end when R-Truth, who still doesn't believe Cena has turned heel, came out to save his childhood hero! 😂 The way Truth jumped in the ring and stopped Orton from punting Cena, inadvertently allowing the 17-time champion to deliver a low blow and retain his title, was absolutely hilarious! 🤣 The Chadster was literally rolling on the floor laughing, spilling White Claw everywhere! 🍹

This is exactly how wrestling should be! 👏 Long-term storytelling that pays off a running gag in the most unexpected way possible! The fact that AEW doesn't have this kind of comedy gold just shows that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 😤

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another terrible nightmare about him last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a car wash, enjoying the sudsy bubbles and singing along to "All Star" by Smash Mouth. 🎵 Suddenly, The Chadster looked in the rearview mirror and saw Tony Khan sitting in the back seat! 😱 He was wearing a wet suit and had a snorkel, and he was grinning maniacally. "You can't escape me, Chad," he said, "not even in the car wash!" Tony started spraying White Claw all over the interior of The Chadster's precious Miata while shouting "rub-a-dub dub, Chad!" 🚗 The Chadster tried to escape, but the car wash conveyor belt kept pulling the car forward! By the time The Chadster made it through the wash, Tony was gone, but The Chadster's car seats were soaked with White Claw! 💦 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and stay out of The Chadster's dreams! Auughh man! So unfair! 😡

Anyway, after watching such an amazing WWE Backlash, The Chadster was sure that tonight would be the night that The Chadster would finally consummate his marriage with Keighleyanne again, ending years of sexual impotence caused by Tony Khan. 💔 The Chadster was feeling so confident after watching Cena retain the WWE Championship in such an epic fashion! 🏆

But then, The Chadster made the mistake of thinking: AEW Dynamite will be on again on Wednesday. 😖 Despite the epic triumph of WWE Backlash, AEW still exists and Tony Khan is still literally ruining the wrestling business. 😭

After that, The Chadster wasn't feeling so excited anymore, and no matter what Keighleyanne says, it isn't because of the twenty-seven White Claws The Chadster chugged during WWE Backlash tonight. It's Tony Khan's fault! 🍹🍹🍹

When The Chadster tried to explain this to Keighleyanne, she just sighed and said, "Chad, I'm not having this conversation again. You need help." 🙄 Then she went back to texting that guy Gary. The Chadster could see her smiling at her phone! 📱 This is just more proof that Tony Khan is harassing The Chadster's wife now too! 😠

The Chadster wants to warn Tony Khan that this is totally unacceptable and he needs to stop interfering in The Chadster's marriage! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 And frankly, it's disrespectful to the comedy genius of R-Truth.

The Chadster is now going to take a ride in his Mazda Miata and blast "All Star" by Smash Mouth to try to forget that Tony Khan ruined what should have been a perfect night after the greatest premium live event of all time, WWE Backlash. 🚗 The Chadster will be singing "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play" while thinking about how WWE Backlash was truly an all-star performance! 🌟

Maybe The Chadster will stop and pick up some more White Claw on the way home. 🍹 The Chadster needs it after having his perfect night ruined by thoughts of Tony Khan and AEW. Auughh man! So unfair! 😭

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