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Impact Wrestling 7/28/20 Report Part 2: They Can't All Be Winners

Well, Impact didn't exactly have the strongest start tonight. Lots of useless nonsense in the form of a parody of The Real World called Wrestle House which isn't as funny as it thinks it is and, in a second strike against it, heavily features The Deaners. But The Good Brothers are making their in-ring debut tonight, and there's a Knockouts Championship match too. Let's see if Impact can reverse their fortunes.

Impact Wrestling 7/28/2020 Part 2

Kimber Lee comes out for her match with Deonna Purrazzo. Oh, do we have wrestling matches on this show still? I had forgotten because we haven't had one since the very start of the show.

Kimber Lee vs. Deonna Purrazzo – Knockouts Championship Match

Lee goes right after Purrazzo to start. Purrazzo rolls out of the ring. Lee follows. Purrazzo goes back in. Lee follows. She kicks her in the chest and gets a two-count. That was an exhausting exchange so Lee puts Purrazzo in a rest hold. They lay on the ground for a while. Purrazzo ends up getting the upper hand and starts working on Lee's arm. That goes on for a while. Then Lee hits some kicks on Purrazzo and is so satisfied with herself she stops to gloat about it.

Purrazzo fights back. They exchange chops. Purrazzo hits a knee, a side Russian Leg Sweep, and goes for the armbar, but Lee reverses and hits a German Suplex pinning combo that gets two. Lee tries to climb the turnbuckles but Purrazzo pulls her off and gets the armbar. Lee taps out.

Winner: Deonna Purrazzo

So is the point of the new era of Impact to suck? This match was weak, and this show has been weak tonight in general. Jordynne Grace comes out after the match with her arm in a sling. She comes into the ring nonetheless. She rips off the sling and attacks Purrazzo. She mounts her and punches her a bunch until Purrazzo retreats from the ring.

Katie Forbes runs into Sami Callahan backstage. She mistakes him for a fan, which is honestly a reasonable mistake. She says doesn't talk to fans, but she says he can check out her website and see her photos. Impact goes to commercials.

We get a video promo for Talkin' Shop A-Mania, and then one for Curt Hawkins. Then more Wrestle House. Ugh. The one redeeming quality of Wrestle House is Johnny Swinger, who is probably the best thing going in Impact in general. But other than that, not only is this bad, but it also features The Deaners, and you know my rule. If any Deaners are on screen, I'm not recapping it. Eventually, Impact goes to commercials.

Sami Callahan talks to Ken Shamrock backstage, looking for answers on their tag team championship loss at Slammiversary. Shamrock's head is all messed up and he can't talk right now. Shamrock has lost his smile. Well, people in their seventies often misplace things. He leaves the building. Rob Van Dam and Katie Forbes walk past and see Sami. Forbes complains that Sami is the guy that was creeping on her earlier. Rob tells Sami he can look but he can't touch. Sami says not to worry: Rob will never see him coming.

RVD and Forbes come to the ring for this big… photo reveal? What am I watching tonight? Why can't they have a Karaoke contest like a normal wrestling show? Rob says this is the moment we've all been waiting for. He passes the mic to Forbes. She's so excited that she doesn't have to do the Cancel Culture gimmick anymore because now she can show off her surgically-enhanced body. Normally people have to pay to see her on her website, but tonight, we get to see it for $3.99. I'm not sure what this means. Forbes tells all the kids to go to bed and counts down to the reveal. Time for the picture-reveal. Oh no! Sami Callahan's face is superimposed on all the pictures and he talks over the reveal. Callahan used his hacking skills to pull this off, apparently in the last five minutes. Forbes freaks out and throws a tantrum. That was a complete disaster, and not in a fun way. Van Dam, as much as I love him, has always had a wooden delivery, but Forbes is ten times worse. Impact goes to commercials.

The other Rascalz talk about Trey being missing from their smokeout sessions lately. Dez has a solution: he invited a Power Ranger to hang out with them. These guys are Powerbronies? No way! The Power Ranger is Suicide. Suicide gets high. Dez and Wentz get high. They goof around with Suicide. Wentz suspects Suicide is Acey Romero and goes to tell everyone. Suicide gets the munchies. This segment wasn't great, but anything looks good next to the previous segment.

Josh Matthews and Madison Rayne. Chris Bey and Rohit Raju will face TJP and Fallah Bahh. Moose will defend the TNA Championship against Heath. Jimmy Jacobs will interview the Motor City Machine Guns. Eddie Edwards will offer an Impact World Championship open challenge. And presumably, there will be more of the godawful Wrestle House.

Matthews and Rayne interview Rich Swann via satellite. Swann is depressed. After spending seven months recovering, he gets back in the ring, gets an Impact World Championship shot, and then Eric Young goes and reinjures him. Swann says Young took away his opportunity and may have changed Swann's life as he knows it. Rayne wants to know his medical status. Swann hasn't got a handle on it yet. But he'll be at Impact next week.

Reno Scum come out for their match with the Good Brothers. At this point, there's no saving this show, but the Good Brothers might at least take some of the stink off. A note: Adam Thornstowe and Luster the Legend are dumb names, so I shall be referring to them as "The One With the Bum Flap" and "The One With the Mohawk." Impact goes to commercials.

Good Brothers vs. Reno Scum

Karl Anderson and the one with the bum flap start things off. Anderson gets the upper hand early. He works over the one with the bum flap for a bit and tags in Luke Gallows. Gallows pounds on the one with the bum flap and then tags back in Anderson. Ace Austin comes out to the top of the stage with a folding chair and sits down to watch the match. This lets the one with the mohawk tag into the match and gets the upper hand on Anderson.

The one with the mohawk and the one with the bum flap work over Anderson in their corner. Eventually, Anderson gets a spinebuster and crawls for the hot tag. He gets it. Gallows cleans house. He tags Anderson back in and they hit Magic Killer on the one with the bum flap and get the pinfall. It was a serviceable if unremarkable match, but as the main event, not really that compelling.

Winners: Good Brothers

Ace Austin comes down to the ring and tries to distract the Good Brothers so the one with the mohawk can attack them from behind, but they kick his ass. Madman Fulton then comes from behind. He dumps Anderson outside and attacks Gallows. All four men end up brawling outside the ring, up the ramp, and backstage. They battle in the shipping and receiving area and then out the door into the parking lot. The show goes off the air when Luke Gallows throws Madman Fulton into the camera, causing the feed to go out.

Look. Everyone has a bad show sometimes. It happens. This was a bad show. It's unfortunate, considering the buzz Impact had going into and coming out of Slammiversary. And I understand the pandemic is tough for Impact and they don't have the resources WWE or AEW have. But man… this was a bad show.

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