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Impact Wrestling Report: Brian Cage Exposes His Lizard on Twitch

Published Wed, 19 Aug 2020 07:35:31 -0500

by Jude Terror

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The first night of Impact Wrestling Emergence is off to a great start. We have a new Impact X-Division Champion. We have the same TNA Champion, but EC3 stole the belt. AEW star Brian Cage made a surprise appearance. And perhaps most importantly, we only had a very brief Twitch stream outage.

Emergence key art (Image: Impact Wrestling)

Impact Wrestling Report for 8/18/2020 – Emergence Night 1

Heath Slater cuts a promo on Joe Biden for picking Kamala Harris as his VP on a Tuesday, interfering with Heath's ability to get #Heath4Impact trending last week. Ace Austin and MadMan Fulton head to the ring for a grudge match with the Good Brothers. Gallows and Anderson come to the ring and the match gets underway.

Good Brothers vs. Ace Austin and Madman Fulton

Anderson and Austin start things off.
Anderson gets the better of this matchup.
Gallows and Fulton tag in after a bit. It's a hoss fight!
These two big hunks of beef trade blows as they jockey for dominance.
Fulton comes out on top, but Austin tags in and Gallows and Anderson immediately take control again.
Finally, Fulton tags in and takes control of Anderson and we settle into the face takes a beating portion of the tag match.
Austin gives Anderson a paper cut.
After a while, Gallows gets the hot tag and murders Ace Austin.
Fulton interrupts Magic Killer and tosses Gallows out of the ring. Gallows pulls him out and they brawl outside. Fulton gets the upper hand.
Inside the ring, Austin gets the upper hand and tags in Fulton.
They abuse Anderson some more.
Fulton tries to prevent another hot tag once Gallows gets back to the apron, pulling Gallows down to the floor, but ends up getting kicked over the barricade.
Good Brothers hit the Magic Killer on Austin and get the win.

This was an okay match. Nothing special. Ah, crap, it's more Wrestle House.

Wrestle House

Alisha Edwards chats with Rosemary and the Deaners in the kitchen. Someone has stolen the Deaners' beer. This is getting dangerously Deaner-centric. I may have to bail. Johnny Swinger says it can't be him because he's straight edge. Then he admits he's actually just on probation. Alisha says she only drinks boxed wine. Lawrence D flirts with Rosemary as John E. Bravo watches jealously.

Impact goes to commercials, which for us Twitch viewers is Melissa Santos chatting from her bedroom. Twitch commenters accuse Brian Cage of stealing the beer. Melissa says Cage is straight-edge. She talks about whether he has egg farts (she claims no). Commenters try to convince her to make weed cookies and secretly give them to Cage.

Taya Valkyrie vs. Kylie Rae – Wrestle House Match

Rosemary is the referee here.
The Twitch stream goes out again. Goddammit.
Why couldn't the Twitch stream go out during the Deaners segment?
The stream recovers, and it doesn't look like I missed much.
So the story here is that Kylie was standing up to Taya last week and Taya didn't like it.
Kylie is the number one contender for the Knockouts Championship and that makes Taya jealous too.
Taya has the size and strength advantage in this match, and she uses it.
But Kylie has heart, goddammit! And that's enough to win the match.

After the match, Rosemary strings Lawrence D along with some more and promises to see him next week. John E. Bravo is looking pretty depressed. The Deaners still don't know who stole their beer. I can't wait for this Wrestle House nonsense to be over with. Commercials/Melissa Santos chatting about Wrestle House and how she doesn't drink soda.

We see a video package for Impact Plus. Josh Matthews and Madison Rayne shill for Emergence Night 2. Willie Mack will face Brian Myers. There will be more Wrestle House bullshit. EC3 will explain why he stole Moose's championship. Eddie Edwards will defend the Impact Championship in another open challenge. And Deonna Purrazzo will put the Knockouts Championship on the line against Jordynne Grace in a Slammiversary rematch.

Ethan Page and Josh Alexander head to the ring. Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin follow. It's time for the Impact main event! Well, after some commercials. Brian Cage gets on the stream again and shouts out to Don Callis and his favorite guy at Impact, Ethan Page.

The North vs. Motor City Machine Guns – Impact Tag Team Championship Match

The North control Chris Sabin at the beginning of the match.
But miscommunication leads to Alex Shelley tagging in and getting the upper hand on Josh Alexander.
The Machine Guns get some momentum going and start hitting their trademark tandem offense.
Just as it's getting good, Impact takes another commercial break.
Everyone in the Twitch Stream comments just wants to see Brian Cage again, but now he won't come back because he thinks he may be pushing it too far. I doubt AEW would mind.
Instead, Cage shows off his lizard.
Not like that! It's an actual lizard, named Steve. You sickos.
MGMG is still in control after the commercials, but that doesn't last long.
Page goes to work on Shelley, who settles into the face-in-peril role.
Josh Matthews says that if The North loses this, they go to the back of a line for the title shot.
That's unfortunate for them because Chris Sabin gets the hot tag and beats up Ethan Page.
He gets all fired up and hits a suicide dive through Shelley's legs onto Alexander on the floor.
They hit some tandem offense on Page but can't quite get the three-count.
The North regain control over Sabin. The tag rules are basically out the window by this point.
It's basically chaos. I blame Brian Cage for bringing AEW to Impact!
Motor City Machine Guns hit a combo neckbreaker/top rope splash on Ethan Page and get the win.

I think these guys could have put on a better match personally, but it wasn't bad. It was a good episode of Impact, even if the main event was good but not great. I actually enjoyed watching Impact on Twitch tonight. There were only a few technical glitches, and Melissa Santos responding to commenters with special appearances by Brian Cage beats commercials. Though I could have done without hearing about his egg farts.

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