The back half of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 4 is slowly building toward its main event! As the boys get a crash course in wrestling from 24, Jenni orchestrates Angelina's downfall and Ron prepares to introduce Saffire to the roommates. What could possibly go wrong?! Haw haw haw haw!
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, back once again with a review of this week's episode of the best show on television, Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. This week's episode, titled "GuidoMania", centered around the boys preparing for a pro wrestling event by that name as their Poconos vacation continued. But the additional drama was expertly simmered in the background as well, and I will tell you all about it, amigos.
First things first. Last week, Jenni and Angelina made a bet: Angelina must not react to Vinny for 24 hours, no matter how much he annoys her. If Angelina fails, she must run through the snow in her bikini, risking freezing all of her artificial body parts, which may or may not be out of warranty. If she succeeds, however, she can push J-Woww into the pool. And Angelina wants that very badly, which is why she managed to shrug off Vinny's taunts in the previous episode, and the beginning of this one, despite multiple salvos from the Keto Guido about her marital troubles.
But this week, Jenni stepped things up, complaining of Angelina's resilience to Zack to get him to relay a message to Vinny: step it up! And that wasn't the only tool in Jenni's belt. She also enlisted Nikki to get Angelina totally wasted. So Nikki and Angelina spent the episode on a girl date at the bar, where Angelina downed cocktails until she got sloppy drunk. Or, as Nikki put it, Angelina had a meatball day. Well, with Snooki not on the trip and Deena pregnant, somebody had to, comrades! Angelina made it through the episode without reacting to Vinny, but that could all change when she encounters him in her inebriated state next week. It's a sneaky trick by Jenni, but a good one. I got Bernie Sanders to pull the same trick on George W. Bush back in the day before an economic summit. He was "white girl wasted", comrades! Haw haw haw haw!
While the girls were busy, Pauly, Mike, Vinny, and Ronny joined Zack for a pro wrestling workout. Mike revealed his lifelong fandom for the sport and proved it with some totally believable promo work. Pauly D announced the crew is starting a new wrestling promotion called World Guido Entertainment, an obvious reference to WWE, which has got to sting for AEW, the company that has actually hired Zack in the past. Anyway, Zack totally exposed the business, comrades, showing the boys how to take a back bump. With that out of the way, they got right into planning a big match for GuidoMania, with Zack and Ronnie teaming up to take on Mike, Pauly D, and Vinny, wrestling under the name Keto Torpedo and wearing a luchador mask.
The crew decided that Deena's husband Chris would be the referee, while Angelina's Chris would be the manager on the outside, "the jabronie" as 24 called him. Uncle Nino would be brought in to be the announcer. And Mike would slip back into his Situation persona — "I have to be The Situation one… last… time," he revealed in a promo better than half of what you see in WWE these days — for a rematch with Ronnie from the head-smashing incident in Italy, way back in Season 4 of the original Jersey Shore. Brief shots of Mike and Ronnie running the ropes showed… well, it wasn't pretty, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
The episode ended with Uncle Nino arriving on the scene and simulating sex with a fireplace to alleviate, as he told a bear statue near the entrance to the resort, the "icicles on my balls." The actual GuidoMania event will take place on next week's show, comrades, which shows that Jersey already knows how to properly pace a storyline better than WWE does. But the true main event: that may be Ronnie bringing Saffire to meet the group. Ronnie is worried about how the roommates will behave when they meet her… but as far as we know, she never called the cops on any of them for domestic violence.
With a wrestling-heavy episode, Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 4 Episode 21, GuidoMania, was right up your El Presidente's alley. It couldn't have been more perfect unless it involved a coup attempt and the workers seizing the means of production. Four stars, comrades… though it would have been five in the Tokyo Dome. Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!
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