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Jersey Shore News: Three New Series Join Family Vacation Return

The threat of global nuclear war. Imminent climate change disaster. The rise of dangerous right-wing politics. Rising inflation. Too many flavors of Mountain Dew. Human civilization feels like it's on the bring of collapse, and only by setting aside our differences, making sacrifices, and working hard can the people of Earth avert disaster and ensure a future or our children, our grandchildren, and our grandchildren's grandchildren. Personally, comrades, I plan to do everything in my power to– what's that? MTV is making a new season of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation? And they're also launching three new Shore shows in the franchise?! Comrades, I'm sorry to say: screw the Earth! I've got some trashy reality TV to watch! Haw haw haw haw!

Jersey Shore Family Vacation Returns in 2022, Gets Christmas Special
Jersey Shore Family Vacation Logo

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, bringing you the best news you're likely to hear all year. MTV announced a new season of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, and perhaps listening to fan complaints about the recent increased involvement of cast members' spouses, this season will send the roommates off on an old-fashioned roommates-only vacation in El Paso before the wives and husbands are allowed back for a trip to San Diego, according to Entertainment Weekly. The announcement promises: "Marriages inches past the point of no return, and it's time to settle some old scores that will have the whole family at odds."

The new season of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation is supposed to feature the return of disgraced former star Ronnie Ortiz-Magro… at least according to comments by Magro himself. But in paparazzi shots of the cast filming, Ronnie is nowhere to be seen. Despite the absence of Ronnie, and her recent breakup with her fiance, there does not appear to be a series return for Sammi Sweetheart in the cards either. Too bad, comrades. The show could definitely use some returning star power to shake things up. Looks like we'll have to once again rely heavily on Angelina's divorce as a source of episodic drama.

Jersey Shore Family Vacation Returns With Ronnie-Centric Premiere
Jersey Shore Family Vacation Star Ronnie Ortiz-Magro took center stage for the Season 5 premiere, but won't be back for the foreseeable future.

But comrades, that's only the tip of the Jersey Shore iceberg. MTV is also hoping to capture lightning in a bottle a second time with Jersey Shore 2.0, starring a new cast of reckless drunkards getting wasted and embarrassing themselves on national television. The only problem is that MTV seems to be having trouble finding a town on the Jersey Shore willing to host them. Nevertheless, Deadline has the official series description:

It's been 13 years since the iconic cast of Jersey Shore fist-pumped their way into our lives and stole our hearts. Now, the time-honored tradition continues with a new group of roommates moving into their own Shore house. They may have traded their poofs for plumped pouts and UV rays for spray tans, but when things heat up in Jersey, the Shore is still the place to be to make memories all summer long.

Comrades at MTV, you are welcome to come and film the show in my presidential palace if you like. But if any of the new roommates are caught fraternizing with my harem, they will have a difficult time filming future seasons from inside my dungeon! Haw haw haw haw!

Floribama Shore Season 4 E20: Gus and Candace Finally Have it Out
Floribama Shore screencap – Gus is consoled by Kirk after his fight with Candace.

But that's not all. MTV also officially announced Buckhead Shore, essentially a reboot of Floribama Shore, to take place in Georgia. Floribama Shore, it seems, will not be returning, probably due to cast member Gus's nonstop Twitter tirade complaining about unfair treatment and attacking the rest of the cast, but this new version offers a fresh start that can hopefully avoid the pitfalls of the previous show. From Deadline:

The shore franchise heads to Buckhead, Georgia to follow the interpersonal lives of a group of friends making a name for themselves in the "Beverly Hills of the South" as they escape their everyday life and head to the lake shore to let loose.

And finally, there is the long-rumored All-Store Shore, described by Entertainment Weekly as "the first ever party competition show featuring 14 iconic reality stars from around the world and TV's biggest series — including Jersey Shore Family Vacation, Love Is Blind, RuPaul's Drag Race, Geordie Shore, Acapulco Shore, Rio Shore, Bachelor in Paradise and more — as they come together for an epic vacation at the ultimate Shore house in the Canary Islands to battle it out for the grand prize and global bragging rights." That one will air on Paramount +.

Comrades, it's shaping up to be an incredible year for fans of MTV's Jersey Shore franchise, and I for one can't wait to start watching all of it. Until next time: socialism or death!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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