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Mayor Kane Declares Knox County Dog-Friendliest Place in America

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WWE superstar turned Libertarian mayor, Kane, has made a startling declaration about his jurisdiction of Knox County, Tennessee. No, Mayor Kane didn't threaten to drag all of the residents of Knox County down to hell. Instead, he announced that, under his administration, Knox County has become the most dog-friendly area in the entire country, thanks to an initiative to build ten more dog parks in and around Knoxville.

Mayor Kane announces heartwarming community initiatives and refrains from raining hellfire and brimstone down on the residents of Knox County, Tennessee
Mayor Kane announces heartwarming community initiatives and refrains from raining hellfire and brimstone down on the residents of Knox County, Tennessee

"Work on the new Harvest Park dog park began this week. This is the first of five dog parks that the Boyd Foundation helped pay for. When these five dog parks in the county, and the five slated for the city, are finished, Knox County will have the most dog parks in the country per capita, making us the most dog-friendly place in the country," Mayor Kane explained in a weekly video update on YouTube.

Mayor Kane also announced that Make a Wish of East Tennessee moved into a new home in Knox County and encouraged people to vote, either early or on election day. He also revealed he would conduct the school band during a local football game, though he assured citizens that the band would be able to perform even if Kane's hand movements accidentally triggered his mystical power to make wrestling ring posts explode into flames.

The smiling visage of the Big Red Machine talking about dog parks and high school marching bands may seem odd to longtime WWE viewers who remember him best for burning down his parents' home, setting Jim Ross on fire during an interview, and electrocuting the testicles of Shane McMahon. However, all may not be as it seems in dog-friendly Knox County. Jacobs also recently announced big savings in the county budget stemming from a new deal with a landfill contractor. And look, we're not saying that Kane is using the landfills to dispose of the beaten bodies of his enemies, but here is a video of Mayor Kane shoving a live man into a trash compactor and turning it on.

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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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