Mayor Kane Leads Citizens of Knox County in Uprising Against Trump

In a shocking face turn, Libertarian mayor of Knox County, Tennessee and WWE Superstar Kane took to Twitter to call for an uprising of the people of Knox County against a tyrannical United States government. Kane spoke to his constituency on July 4th in a series of tweets using incendiary language which can only possibly be interpreted as a call for revolution, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator [Vince McMahon?] with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

WWE Superstar Kane is the Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee... seriously!
WWE Superstar Kane is the Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee… seriously!

Kane continued, seemingly paying homage to a classic promo once cut by Thomas Jefferson, "That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

"Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes;" Kane tweeted. "And accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

"Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government," Kane concluded. "The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States."

Kane's words are surprising, as not only are he and President Donald Trump both members of the same Republican Party but both are also former WWE Superstars. Kane, who received the endorsement of both The Undertaker and Senator Rand Paul during his campaign, took office as Mayor of Knox County in 2018, though it is clear now that he was merely establishing a base of power with designs on greater ambitions.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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