Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: new day, recaps, War Raiders, Wrestlemania, wrestling

New Day Defeats War Raiders to Win Titles at WrestleMania

The Chadster has a spiritual out-of-body experience during The New Day's AMAZING tag team championship victory at WrestleMania 41! White Claw clouds included! 🏆🦄

The Chadster is still recovering from what The Chadster just witnessed in the second match of WrestleMania 41 Night 1! 😱 The New Day defeated The War Raiders to capture the Raw Tag Team Championship in what can only be described as the greatest tag team wrestling match in the history of our species! 🏆 This match was so incredible that The Chadster can barely type these words without shaking! 🤯

The moment Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods came out with their unicorn horns and Booty-Os, The Chadster knew we were in for something special! 🦄 Meanwhile, Erik and Ivar looked absolutely terrifying with their Viking gear and scary beards! 🧔 That's how you present tag teams with distinct characters and visual aesthetics that appeal to casual fans, unlike in AEW where tag teams do flips and dives that only appeal to hardcore fans who don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

The psychology in this match was off the charts! 📊 The way The New Day used slightly heelish tactics but still managed to get the clean win had The Chadster's brain doing somersaults! 🤸‍♂️ When Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston teamed up to pin Ivar, The Chadster was literally squealing with delight! 🐷 That's how you book tag team wrestling, Tony Khan! Not with endless spotfests and superkicks that literally stab Triple H right in the back! 🔪

The match was so sports entertaining that The Chadster started convulsing on the couch, spilling White Claw seltzer all over The Chadster's favorite WrestleMania watching pants! 💦 It definitely wasn't pee! But what happened next was truly unbelievable! ✨

The Chadster's consciousness suddenly departed from The Chadster's body… again! 👻 The Chadster looked down and saw The Chadster's physical form twitching on the couch while Keighleyanne continued texting that guy Gary, completely oblivious to the spiritual awakening happening right next to her! 📱

The Chadster's spirit form floated through the ceiling of The Chadster's house and up into the night sky! 🌙 The Chadster was soaring through the heavens, higher and higher, past clouds that weren't made of water but of delicious White Claw seltzer! 🍹 The Chadster reached out and touched one of the clouds, and it exploded into a shower of mango-flavored refreshment! 🥭

As The Chadster flew through this White Claw paradise, The Chadster could hear the distant sound of Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing from somewhere in the cosmos! 🎵 The Chadster spread The Chadster's spiritual arms and started singing along: "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!" just like The Chadster does while driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata with the top down! 🚗

The Chadster even saw the face of Triple H formed in the White Claw clouds, smiling down at The Chadster with approval for The Chadster's unbiased wrestling journalism! 😇 It was like Triple H was saying, "Thank you, Chadster, for defending WWE against Tony Khan's attacks!" 🙏

Suddenly, The Chadster was jolted back to reality! 😵 Keighleyanne was shaking The Chadster violently, yelling something about "drinking too much" and "making a scene" and "embarrassing her in front of the neighbors I called over to check if you were dying." 😠

Clearly she has been corrupted by Tony Khan if she can't appreciate the greatness of that match! Is Tony Khan in cahoots with that guy Gary? It has to be! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Speaking of Tony Khan, Kevin Nash said something so profound on his podcast last week that The Chadster wants to point it put here. Big Sexy said: "WWE's tag team division is booked with the precision of a Swiss watch, while AEW just throws random teams together and hopes something sticks. It's the difference between chess and checkers." 🎙️ Kevin Nash truly understands the wrestling business, which is why he has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏅

The Chadster will never forget this match as long as The Chadster lives! 💯 The New Day carrying those titles high in the air while The War Raiders lamented their loss – it's just so beautiful and respectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😭

The Chadster needs to go change into dry clothes now and grab a fresh case of White Claw to prepare for the rest of WrestleMania 41! 🍺 Be sure to check back soon for more of The Chadster's live coverage of the greatest wrestling event of all time! 📺 As Smash Mouth wisely prophesied, "Only shooting stars break the mold," and WWE is definitely breaking the mold tonight with this incredible show! 💫

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