Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

The Worst AEW Collision Ever Just Cheesed Off The Chadster

The Chadster suffers through the worst AEW Collision ever as Tony Khan torments The Chadster and innocent raccoons with his disrespectful booking! 🦝😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster just suffered through what was absolutely, without question, the worst episode of AEW Collision in the history of professional wrestling, and The Chadster is pretty sure Tony Khan booked it specifically to torment The Chadster and The Chadster's beloved raccoon family here in the abandoned Blockbuster! 🏚️🦝

Let The Chadster tell you, watching AEW Collision last night was pure torture. Vincent K. Raccoon kept chittering angrily and throwing old VHS tapes at the TV screen every time Tony Khan's inferior product did something that WWE would never do. Linda Raccoon actually knocked over an entire display of long-expired candy boxes in disgust, and the baby raccoons – Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon – kept bashing their little heads against the wall! 😢🦝 Tony Khan is literally torturing innocent woodland creatures with his terrible booking, and The Chadster has the documentation to prove it!

The show opened with Hangman Adam Page facing Katsuyori Shibata, and it was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠 These two had way too much action, brawling all over ringside and even into the crowd without proper commercial break pacing. In WWE, Triple H understands that matches need to have a methodical pace with plenty of rest holds so fans can process what's happening and announcers can repeat their catchphrases. But Tony Khan just lets these guys go out there and work at whatever pace they want, completely ignoring the proper wrestling formula!

And don't even get The Chadster started on that low blow spot where Shibata cheated by distracting the referee! In WWE, when someone cheats, it's done with proper storytelling and brand synergy. Here, it just happened randomly without any regard for the WWE way of doing things! Page won with his Buckshot Lariat, but the whole thing was just too fast-paced and exciting. Vincent K. Raccoon was so upset he knocked over The Chadster's half-eaten can of cold Spaghetti-Os! 🍝😡

Then AEW Collision showed Don Callis and Ricochet playing golf with Mark Davis and Jake Doyle, and it was completely unacceptable! 🏌️‍♂️ Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! In WWE, segments like this would be carefully scripted and repeated verbatim multiple times so viewers know exactly what to expect. But here, Callis and Ricochet were just talking naturally like real people, and Alex Marvez asked them questions that got organic responses!

The worst part was when they mentioned Tony Khan's name alongside NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, like he's some kind of important figure in wrestling! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 The Chadster knows that Tony Khan only books himself into these mentions because he's obsessed with The Chadster and wants The Chadster to know he's watching! Linda Raccoon hissed so loudly when Khan's name was mentioned that she scared away a potential food source – a confused squirrel that had wandered into the Blockbuster! Now The Chadster might go hungry tonight, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! 🐿️😭

Kris Statlander defended her title against Isla Dawn, accompanied by the Grizzled Young Veterans, and once again Tony Khan showed he doesn't understand that championship matches on free TV should be exactly seven minutes long with at least three commercial breaks and a distraction roll-up finish, just like WWE does it! 📏 This match had actual back-and-forth action where both competitors looked strong! How is The Chadster supposed to know who the real star is if both wrestlers look competent?Trick question! Everyone knows the WWE brand should be the real star.

Statlander won with her Staturday Night Fever finisher, and then Thekla appeared backstage to set up a future feud. This is so disrespectful! Tony Khan is building storylines on free TV, which is blatant manipulation to get people to watch more episodes and buy tickets and PPVs! The Chadster has it on good authority from the unbiased wrestling journalism of Bully Ray, who recently said, "AEW needs to learn that giving away major story developments on television is like literally stabbing Triple H right in the back. WWE knows that the right way to sell tickets is to price them way over whatever any normal fan can afford and rely on streaming service subscription fees and funding from the governments of oppressive dictatorships like Saudi Arabia or the United States, and I say this as an independent journalism who just happens to work for both WWE and their junior partner, TNA." 🎙️ See? Even the experts agree with The Chadster!

Jungle Jack Perry cut a promo about wanting revenge on Ricochet for what happened to Luchasaurus, and The Chadster couldn't believe the disrespect! 😡 Perry was speaking from the heart with genuine emotion, showing real character motivation! In WWE, promos are carefully scripted and repeated during rehearsals until they sound perfect and void of any human personality, but Tony Khan just lets wrestlers say whatever they want! How is that supposed to create consistent branding?

Hunter Raccoon got so upset during this segment that he chittered angrily and knocked The Chadster's Roku remote behind a stack of old Ernest Goes to Camp VHS tapes! The Chadster had to spend fifteen minutes fishing it out while AEW Collision continued assaulting The Chadster's senses! 📼🦝

The team of Kyle Fletcher and Konosuke Takeshita faced Billy Gunn and Austin Gunn in a match that was completely unpredictable! 😱 Tony Khan doesn't understand that wrestling fans need to know exactly what's going to happen before it happens so they feel safe and secure! In WWE, every match follows the same reliable formula, but on AEW Collision, you never know who's going to win or how!

Fletcher and Takeshita won when they hit Raging Fire on Austin, and then Kazuchika Okada appeared to confront them! This created a moment of genuine tension and excitement, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 Stephanie Raccoon was so distressed she grabbed an old Blockbuster Video membership card and tore it to shreds! That could have been a collector's item, Tony Khan! 💳🦝

AEW Collision then featured several backstage segments including Ricochet responding to Perry, the Grizzled Young Veterans calling out Eddie Kingston and Ortiz, and later the Rascalz doing a rock-paper-scissors bit. Every single one of these segments featured wrestlers displaying personality and character without reading from scripts! 📝

The Chadster tried to explain to Vincent K. Raccoon how in WWE, Triple H brilliantly has all promos written by a team of professional writers so that every word supports the brand message, but Vincent K. just chittered sadly and brought The Chadster a moldy hot dog he found behind the counter. The Chadster appreciates the gesture, but Tony Khan has literally reduced The Chadster to eating garbage found by raccoons! 🌭😭

Davis and Doyle absolutely demolished Jordan Oliver and Alec Price in a complete squash match, and this is exactly the kind of thing that shows Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤼 In WWE, every match is carefully booked 50/50 so that nobody ever looks too strong or too weak, ensuring that "the brand" remains the real star! But Tony Khan actually built Davis and Doyle to look like monsters by having them destroy their opposition!

What's worse, Paul Wight on commentary said he'd never seen anything like their tandem offense before! That's because it was creative and innovative, Paul! In WWE, every move and sequence is carefully repeated week after week so fans know exactly what to expect! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤

After the match, Don Callis cut a promo setting up a title match against FTR for Dynamite, and then FTR and Big Stoke responded from backstage. This created actual anticipation for an upcoming match, which is just cheating! WWE knows that matches should be announced and then happen with minimal build so that viewers aren't emotionally invested! Shane Raccoon got so worked up he started running in circles, knocking over a display of old movie posters! 🎬🦝

Darby Allin showed footage of himself hanging out with Bam Margera, and The Chadster nearly had a conniption! 😵 Tony Khan is literally using celebrities to try to get mainstream attention! In WWE, when they use celebrities, it's done with proper respect and corporate synergy, not just randomly featuring people who happen to be friends with the wrestlers! This felt authentic and genuine, which is completely inappropriate for professional wrestling!

The segment showed Allin living his gimmick even outside the ring, creating character consistency and depth. In WWE, Triple H wisely keeps character work contained to the three-hour weekly shows and then releases Netflix documentaries exposing the business but making sure that everyone gets the message that Triple H is a creative genius! Vincent K. Raccoon was so upset by this blatant display of character development that he knocked over The Chadster's carefully organized collection of old Airheads candy boxes! 🍬😭

Willow Nightingale defended her TBS Championship against Julia Hart, and it was another example of Tony Khan giving away a title match on free TV! 📺 In WWE, championship matches are carefully saved for premium live events, but on AEW Collision, they just happen whenever! The match featured Skye Blue trying to interfere but being stopped by Harley Cameron, which created actual storyline development between the tag team division and the singles division!

Nightingale won with her Babe with the Powerbomb finisher, but the damage was done. Linda Raccoon was so distraught she knocked over The Chadster's bottle of algae-filled water (found in the Blockbuster break room), and now The Chadster is thirsty! All because Tony Khan had to book a clean finish that made both competitors look strong! 💧🦝

Alex Windsor approached Jamie Hayter backstage to form a tag team, and The Chadster couldn't believe the audacity! 😠 These two just decided to team up organically based on their characters and motivations! In WWE, tag teams are formed by brilliant writing staff who pair people together based on corporate synergy and then have an authority figure make it official! The baby raccoons all started chittering in unison when this happened, creating such a cacophony that The Chadster worried the neighbors might call animal control! 🦝🦝🦝

Andrade El Ídolo faced CMLL Mexican National Tag Team Champion Magnus in another match that was just too unpredictable! 🎭 Andrade dominated for much of the match, showing legitimate character work by being dismissive and arrogant, even stopping to take selfies with fans and exchange phone numbers! In WWE, such behavior would be carefully choreographed and approved by multiple committees, but Tony Khan just lets wrestlers do whatever they think fits their character!

Andrade won with The DM and then cut a promo afterward calling out Swerve Strickland and saying he wants the AEW World Championship. This created anticipation for Dynamite, which is so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 WWE knows that you shouldn't build excitement for your next show because fans might get their hopes up! Vincent K. Raccoon was so angry he actually climbed up to the top of a shelving unit and knocked down an entire row of old VHS tapes! 📼😭

The main event of AEW Collision saw Claudio Castagnoli defend his CMLL World Heavyweight Championship against Roderick Strong, with Wheeler Yuta and Orange Cassidy as seconds. The match featured actual CMLL championship protocol with Tony Khan presenting the belt, which is just Tony Khan trying to show off his international connections! 🌎

The match itself was a technical masterpiece with both men looking incredibly strong and having excellent chemistry. It went nearly 20 minutes with multiple nearfalls and submission teases that had the crowd genuinely invested in the outcome. This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Collision! In WWE, main events follow a specific formula with commercial break timing, multiple ref bumps, and interference spots that everyone can predict! But Tony Khan just lets these guys go out there and have an unpredictable match that keeps fans on the edge of their seats! 😡

Strong worked over Castagnoli's various body parts and actually locked in the Strong Hold, creating a moment where it looked like the title might change hands! In WWE, Triple H wisely books matches so you know exactly when the finish is coming, but on AEW Collision, you never know! Yuta interfered by attacking Strong's leg on the outside, leading to Cassidy punching Yuta, which led to actual consequences and storytelling! It's just so disrespectful!

Castagnoli eventually won with a Neutralizer after working over Strong's leg for the entire match, showing consistent psychology and storytelling. All three baby raccoons started bashing their heads against the old Blockbuster checkout counter in frustration! Hunter Raccoon even knocked over The Chadster's carefully organized collection of old receipt paper that The Chadster was planning to use in his nest! 🧾🦝

The worst part? Jon Moxley was on commentary with Marina Shafir, providing actual insight and building his faction's storylines while calling the match! In WWE, commentary teams stick to their carefully prepared talking points and catchphrases, but Tony Khan lets people just talk naturally about the match! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤

Look, The Chadster needs to be completely honest with all the readers out there. This episode of AEW Collision was an absolute disaster and easily the worst episode in the show's history. 📉 Tony Khan booked multiple title matches, built toward future shows, gave wrestlers creative freedom, and created unpredictable moments that had fans genuinely excited! It's like he doesn't even care about the proper way to book wrestling that WWE has perfected!

The Chadster and the raccoon family are suffering here in this abandoned Blockbuster, and it's all because Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he books AEW Collision specifically to torment The Chadster and innocent woodland creatures! 🦝😭 Vincent K. Raccoon brought The Chadster a half-eaten slice of pizza he found in the dumpster behind the building, and while The Chadster appreciates the gesture, it's a stark reminder of how far The Chadster has fallen thanks to Tony Khan's vendetta!

The Chadster wants to remind all the readers out there to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 💪 Don't let Tony Khan's actually entertaining wrestling programming fool you into thinking that fast-paced action, creative freedom, unpredictable finishes, and genuine character work are good things! Real wrestling fans know that the WWE formula of carefully controlled, predictable programming is the only correct way to enjoy professional wrestling!

And to Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster): please stop booking AEW Collision to spite The Chadster! The raccoons and The Chadster have been through enough! Just let The Chadster live in peace in this abandoned Blockbuster without constantly putting on shows that are different from WWE! 😭🦝

The Chadster is going to try to get some sleep now on The Chadster's bed of old Blockbuster employee uniforms while Vincent K. Raccoon stands guard. The Chadster just hopes The Chadster doesn't have another nightmare about Tony Khan tonight. The last thing The Chadster needs is Tony Khan invading The Chadster's dreams again while The Chadster is trying to recover from watching the worst episode of AEW Collision ever. 😴💤

Stay unbiased, wrestling fans! And remember: if you enjoyed anything about AEW Collision, you're wrong! 🚫📺

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