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Tim Minchin Wants To Sleep With Ms Wossy (UPDATE)
Tim Minchin has just given Britain our very own "I'm F-cking Matt Damon". Last night, on one of Jonathan Ross' finalFriday night shows for the BBC, he sang a song that Ross had no notice of, an ode to how much Tim would like to sleep with Kick-Ass and Stardust screenplay writer, and wife of Jonathan Ross, Jane Goldman. UPDATE – And here it is in full.
As Ross' career at the BBC was tainted by his own double act with Russell Brand, leaving a series of apologies on the answerphone of Andrew Sachs over Russell's sexual antics with Sachs' granddaughter Georgina, including at one point an improvised song, Ross was obligated to take it on his not inconsiderably prominent chin.
FURTHER UPDATE: Here are the lyrics:
Wossy, in two weeks you'll be gone
This is my last opportunity to sing you a song
So I wanna ask a favour before you get on
With your life
Jonathan, I wanna make love to you-
Wossy, I just wanna make sweet love to you-
Just once, I wanna make sweet love to you-
Sweet love to your wife
There's just something about her that drives me insane
She's got that cute sense of humour and a brilliant brain
But if I'm totally honest, my feelings for Jane
Are mostly sexual
Don't wanna put you and her in an awkward position
But I know I'd regret it If I didn't ask the question
I have talked to my wife and she gave me permission
We both have a celebrity shag concession
And mine is Jane; hers is Wayne Rooney
Although to be fair, there's not much chance of scoring there
Jane, in two weeks time
Your hubby will be out on the breadline, baby
And surely you're not gonna wanna be spending time with a bum?
I know that in a month or three
He'll have weaselled his way back onto my TV
But in the meantime, would you consider me for a little fun?
Just one night, Jane, would embiggen me
Just one night, baby, you'll be diggin' me
Just a little dabble in temporary bigamy
I just wanna make love, sweet love to you
What I wouldn't give for just one night with you
Nothing too weird, just a nice night with a
Couple of whips and an underwater camera
I just wanna make a little sweet love to you
Wossy, you can watch if that'd make you feel better
That'd make it even more unforgettable
You can hold the camera and make some bruschetta
In case I get hungry making sweet love to your wife
Stop me, won't you Wossy, if this is getting weird?
The thought of Jane nuzzling my ginger beard
I'm just doing a song, like we agreed
And it just happens to be a song about how I wanna make sweet love to your wife
Oooh
Jonathan I've always admired you
I was nervous about our interview
But your producers assured me
That all I had to do was be totally honest with you
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