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Vinny Blows His Shot with Angelina on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation

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The cast and fans of MTV's Jersey Shore have been rooting for another hookup between Vinny and Angelina since Angelina's divorce became a sure thing (and in some cases before). On this week's episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, titled The Staten Island Notebook, that dream came closer than ever to being fulfilled, comrades… unless you count that time they really did have sex on the original Jersey Shore, of course.

Uncle Nino joins the family in San Diego on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation [screencap]
Uncle Nino joins the family in San Diego on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation [screencap]
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and first things first, this week's episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation wrapped up the latest "Snooki gets blackout drunk, and her friends cover up for her by attributing it to her alternate personality, Dren," storyline. With Snooki becoming more unruly at Nikki's birthday party, J-Woww, Angelina, and Zack carried her out of the restaurant and back to the hotel. Literally. Zack put his wrestling skills to the test and put Snooki in a Fireman's Carry. The next morning, Snooki had to leave to go to a sports event for her daughter. It's been a while since Snooki has been so drunk on television, which of course, served as the perfect way to advertise the return of Messyness on MTV right after the show. Ah, synergy. You can't beat it, comrades. It's better than even a Burger King product placement spot!

Angelina gives her vagina a name on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation [screencap]
Angelina gives her vagina a name on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation [screencap]
With that out of the way, the roommates set to the important mission of trying to get Angelina and Vinnie to hook up after their date-like behavior at the restaurant the night before. Speaking privately, both parties expressed openness to the idea, though Vinny feels Angelina's personality affects her attractiveness, while Angelina feels Vinny isn't nice enough to get a shot at Brenda. Oh yeah, comrades, I should mention that Angelina named her vagina in this episode: Brenda.

In hopes of further planting the seeds of love, the crew headed to Little Italy in San Diego for some Italian dining, in which Mike once again stretched the definition of recovery with his relationship to food. Then they went to the water for gondola rides… only to find Uncle Nino waiting for them. Until this point, comrades, things were going well for Vinny and Angelina, but they went downhill from there.

Vinny grins like a fool whenever Angelina is around, betraying his uncaring facade on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation [screencap]
Vinny grins like a fool whenever Angelina is around, betraying his uncaring facade on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation [screencap]
Angelina spent more time flirting (and graphically discussing sex) with Uncle Nino than she did with Vinny, and Vinny definitely did not find this attractive. At the end of the night, Vinny left Angelina and Nino alone in her room instead of bringing either to his and there, comrades, one of the most remarkable things to ever happen on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation occurred: Nino and Angelina had a touching, honest conversation about relationships and maturity. Nino talked about his first wife and subsequent divorce, lending perspective to Angelina on her own divorce. And then they both came to understand that the biggest obstacle to an Angelina/Vinny hookup is Vinny's stunted emotional growth! The episode ended on a somber note.

Well, comrades, I didn't see that one coming. With that final scene, this week's Jersey Shore: Family Vacation topped a mostly fun episode with a rare new perspective on several cast members and their relationships. Best of all, now everyone knows how to make Vangelina happen… they just have to convince Vinny to get over his mommy issues and grow the hell up! Haw haw haw haw!

Until next time, comrades: socialism or death!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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