Posted in: ABC, Opinion, streaming, TV | Tagged: academy awards, Joe Rogan, oscars

Why NewsRadio's Ninth Funniest Cast Member Shouldn't Host The Oscars

Let's talk about what the Oscars could do to make their awards shows "must-see" viewing - and how Joe Rogan is absolutely not the answer.

Look, let's be crystal clear right from the jump. The Oscars broadcast is painfully lacking. I don't think that's a hot take. Do I think it has to do with the films that are nominated? A little – but no more than, let's say, ten percent. That other ninety percent? That all comes down to putting on a show that keeps eyeballs locked in enough that viewers will be more than happy to wait out the awards that they don't give a shit about because of what they're getting in between. Have fewer awards been given out on-air? That's an option – though not a popular one. That said, the Grammys upped the musical performances and dialed back on the awards, and they've been doing great with the ratings. Maybe that's a way for the Academy Awards to go – have actors you wouldn't expect doing mini-scenes from famous films. You could also go with a livelier lineup of presenters, better-themed compilation clips, more looks at what's going on live behind the scenes, and about a half-dozen other options. What the Oscars absolutely does not need – in any way, shape, or form – is Joe Rogan as the host.

Normally, I step over the steaming piles of clickbaity nonsense that folks drop and go about my day – you would drive yourself mad in minutes if you began taking to heart everything that gets put out there on a slow news day. But this idea that Rogan would work in that role only makes sense if you're looking to turn the Academy Awards into something that resembles a cross between the early days of the People's Choice Awards (brutal beginnings but has improved over the last several years) and those final seasons of Comedy Central's The Man Show. You remember those, right? That's when the show went from having at least a few laughs every episode when it was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corolla to Rogan and Doug Stanhope seemingly hijacking each show to get a ton of women-related rage out of their systems. That leads to the bigger overall point about Joe Rogan…

As an awards show host, there's nothing about Rogan that would make me choose him over Rob Lowe and Snow White (see above). He's a mediocre stand-up comic, (literally) the ninth funniest person on NewsRadio (seriously, look it up and tell me I'm wrong – even "Dead Phil Hartman" is still funnier), and the main talking head for Dana White's UFC – but he should be rewarded with the honor of hosting and being given global exposure just because he has a podcast listened to by a lot of folks who should have better taste in podcasts? Just so there's no confusion? You condemn someone for their never-ending flow of out-of-left-field theories and oodles of misinformation – you don't reward them (especially someone with that lackluster of a resume) with a global stage.

Hopefully, the rumblings are true, and the trio from Hulu's Only Murders in the Building – Steve Martin, Martin Short & Selena Gomez – end up splitting hosting chores. But if they can't, I can't stress enough to the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) the need for them to consider literally any and every possibility first before going with Rogan. Shadow puppets? Perfect! Marionettes? Excellent? That creepy effect deal where they make it look like babies can talk like humans? Yes, even that. As Bleeding Cool's Television Editor, I would have a field day covering all of the drama that Rogan's hosting would bring. But as a person who occasionally has the ability to be a decent person when the mood strikes, I could never hate the Oscars that much to have them have to endure Rogan. If throwing my insatiable desire for clicks into the dumpster fires of decency isn't enough to make my case, I probably lost you to Rogan's "podcast Kool-Aid" a long time ago.

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