Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Review: Roman Reigns Returns to Crush AEW Once and For All

The Chadster reviews WWE Raw's perfect episode featuring Roman Reigns' triumphant return! Read why Tony Khan can never compete with WWE's wrestling superiority! 😤🔥

The Chadster just finished watching last night's WWE Raw, and wow! 🤩🔥🎉 WWE once again proved why they're the undisputed kings of sports entertainment with another flawlessly executed episode. 🕺🥇 Every segment, every match, every carefully scripted moment was pure perfection, and The Chadster couldn't be more thrilled! 😃👏👏

CM Punk kicked off WWE Raw with a beautifully written promo that hit all the right notes. 🎤🤓 The way he delivered those professionally crafted lines about facing Gunther at SummerSlam was literally better than Shakespeare. 📜🌟 And when Gunther came out with his own meticulously scripted response? 🤨📢 The Chadster was on the edge of his seat! 😱 This is what wrestling should be – two professionals reading their lines exactly as the writers intended, no dangerous improvisation or "speaking from the heart" nonsense like you see in that other company. 😤🚫

The Sheamus vs Rusev match was everything The Chadster loves about WWE! 🥊🤗🌈 The formulaic structure, the predictable comeback sequence, the safe and controlled action – it's just so comforting! 🛡️💯 Unlike AEW where wrestlers are given too much creative freedom to do crazy spots that make The Chadster nervous 🧨😱, WWE delivers that consistent, reliable entertainment that never surprises or shocks you in uncomfortable ways. 😌🍿

The triple threat tag match was another masterclass in 50/50 booking! 🚦📈🎲 The Chadster loves how WWE makes sure everyone looks equally strong by having them trade wins back and forth. It's so much better than AEW's chaotic approach where they actually try to create unpredictable outcomes. Auughh man! So unfair! 😬😭 Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks surprising the audience is a good thing! 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️ The LWO got the win over New Day and the Creed Brothers 🤝👊, but they definitely did not come away with momentum that could threaten to outshine the WWE Brand, which is the true draw. ⭐🏆💪 This was booked so perfectly that The Chadster has already forgotten who won, even though he literally just wrote it! 😂😅 Another A+ example of WWE's intellectual superiority. 🧠🥇

AJ Styles appearing as a janitor in that backstage skit with Dominik Mysterio and New Day was brilliant writing 🧹😂🕺, and it came at the perfect time, since Styles appeared at TNA Slammiversary on Sunday night. 🗓️👏 This is how you show that WWE is the most important wrestling ever in the history of the business. 🌍👑 Even though TNA is completely submissive to WWE as the junior partner in their business arrangement, and half of their belts are now held by NXT talent, it never hurts to remind everyone that TNA stars would be lucky to work as janitors in the WWE. 💼🙌🪣

The Women's Tag Team Championship match was absolutely brilliant! 🏆👭💥 Judgment Day retained their titles against Bayley and Lyra Valkyria in exactly the way The Chadster expected – with perfectly orchestrated interference and a finish that protects everyone involved! 🛡️🤝🎯 The way Becky Lynch got involved to cost Valkyria the win was an excellent example of interweaving storylines together with the perfect amount of complexity. 🪢🤔 Anything more complicated than that would be too difficult for wrestling fans to appreciate, because true wrestling fans only care about "moments." ✨📸 Tony Khan would probably have mixed four or five stories with years worth of history into a single match, which is way too much! 💥🚫 This is how you book wrestling – everyone gets their moment, nobody looks too strong, and the status quo is maintained. 💖🔄Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan doesn't get this! Why is he so stupid? 😩🤯

Sami Zayn vs Karrion Kross was another example of WWE's superior booking philosophy! 📚👑 Kross winning with the steel pipe after Scarlett interfered was exactly what The Chadster wanted to see. 👏🥁 This is real wrestling – heels winning with weapons and interference to keep feuds going forever! 😈♾️ None of this "decisive victories" or "blow-off matches" that actually conclude storylines like Tony Khan books. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤💔

Stephanie Vaquer vs Iyo Sky was exactly what The Chadster expected – a perfectly choreographed match that followed the WWE formula to a T! 💃🕺✔️ The DQ finish when Chelsea Green interfered was brilliant because it protected both wrestlers and set up future rematches. 🔁🔒 This is so much better than AEW where matches often have decisive finishes that actually resolve feuds. The post-match brawl with Rhea Ripley making the save was perfectly timed and scripted! 🕑✔️🙌

The main event segment with Roman Reigns, Paul Heyman, Bron Breakker, and Bronson Reed was phenomenal! 🤩🌟🥳 The Chadster loved how every word was carefully crafted by WWE's team of professional television writers. 🧑‍💻💬 None of this "bullet points and improvisation" garbage that AEW does. 🤢❌ When Roman called Heyman a "dumbass," The Chadster literally fell out of his seat! 🪑🤣 This is the kind of risque content that demonstrates the brilliance of the strategic partnership between WWE and Netflix. 🤝📺 When Jey Uso joined Reigns to set up a future tag team match that The Chadster is sure will be announced for SummerSlam, The Chadster literally fell out of his seat a second time. 🪑😂 The whole segment was so perfect, you could tell it was focus-grouped and approved by multiple levels of management, as it should be! 📋⚡ Tony Khan would probably just let the wrestlers go out there and use their natural charisma and chemistry to talk to each other, which is not the right way to do wrestling. 🚫🎭

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare 😱🌚 about him last night after watching WWE Raw, yet another example of how Tony Khan meddles in The Chadster's life to torment him for his commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism. 📉😭 In the dream, The Chadster was in the Toyota Center watching the show when suddenly Tony Khan emerged from under the ring like The Fiend. 🎪👹 He was wearing a suit made entirely of AEW championship belts 🏆🥋, and his eyes glowed with an otherworldly light. 👀✨ "Chad," he whispered, though The Chadster could hear it from across the arena, "acknowledge ME as your tribal chief." 🤯👑

The Chadster tried to run 🏃‍♂️💨, but every exit transformed into the AEW face and heel tunnels. 🕳️🌀 Tony Khan floated after The Chadster, his feet never touching the ground. 👻 "You can't escape good wrestling," he hissed, as pyro exploded around him. 🎆🔥 The Chadster found himself trapped in the ring 😰🤼‍♂️, and Tony Khan slowly circled him, running his fingers along the ropes. ✋🧵 "Feel the creative freedom, Chad. Let it consume you." 😳 The way he said it sent shivers down The Chadster's spine, and not entirely unpleasant ones, which was confusing and made The Chadster very angry! 😡💢

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat 🥵💦, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes 🙄 when The Chadster tried to tell her about it. She went right back to texting that guy Gary! 📱😤 Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! Why is he so obsessed with The Chadster?! 😖🔁

As wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff said on his podcast this week 🎧, "WWE understands that wrestling fans want consistency and predictability. That's why Raw delivers the same quality show every single week, unlike AEW which tries to surprise people with different match styles and unexpected outcomes. It's really unfair to the fans." 👏🎙️ The Chadster couldn't agree more! Bischoff truly deserves the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏆💼

WWE Raw continues to be the gold standard of professional wrestling. 🥇💪 The way they use their massive production budget 💰🎥 to create the exact same show week after week is just brilliant! 📺🤩 The piped-in crowd noise ensures a consistent atmosphere, unlike AEW where they rely on actual crowd reactions which can be unpredictable and scary. 😨🤯 And don't even get The Chadster started on how perfectly Michael Cole shouted his catchphrases during every near-fall – that's real commentary! 🎙️😃

The Chadster is going to grab some refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked and watch a replay of WWE Raw right now! 🍹🎉 Wait… no, The Chadster can't because Keighleyanne threw them all away! 😭🚫 Dang it! This is Tony Khan's fault! 😡 If he didn't book shows specifically designed to cheese off The Chadster, The Chadster wouldn't have thrown those cans at the TV, and Keighleyanne wouldn't have taken away The Chadster's alcohol privileges and the keys to The Chadster's beloved Mazda Miata! 🚗💔 Now The Chadster has to rewatch this amazing episode of WWE Raw completely sober, which is just torture! 💀😣

Readers, please continue supporting WWE and standing up against the unfair competition and bullying of Tony Khan and AEW! 💪🔥 WWE gave us another perfect episode of WWE Raw last night, and The Chadster might even watch it a third time, even without his Seagram's Escapes Spiked. 😂👍 That's how good it was! Remember, real wrestling fans appreciate formulaic booking, scripted promos, and predictable outcomes. 📝✨ Anything else is just Tony Khan trying to ruin the business! 💢🤬

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go check the Mazda Miata for any signs of Tony Khan tampering with it. 🚗🔍 The Chadster swears he saw him lurking outside The Chadster's window this morning… 👀😱🚗

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