Welcome back to X-Men: Bland Design, the column where we rip off Ed Piskor's X-Men: Grand Design, except instead of recapping the good old issues of X-Men, we'll recap the new ones that come out each week.
This week, there are six X-issues on the stands, if you count The Despicable Deadpool as an X-book, which we do. Despicable Deadpool #292, Old Man Logan #33, X-Men Blue #19, Cable #153, and X-Men Gold Annual #1, and Phoenix: Resurrection #3. Total cover price: $25. Total time it would take you to read those decompressed stories? Probably shorter than it took to read this introduction. So technically, you won't be saving any time by reading these recaps, but at least it can help you decide which of these comics to take out a second mortgage to follow on a regular basis.
You've previously read our recap of Deadpool, and if not, you should go and do that now. Or not. Your time is valuable. That's the whole point.
Now let's get down to business…
Old Man Logan #33
Writer: Ed Brisson
Artist: Mike Deodato Jr.
Colorist: Frank Martin
Letterer: Cory Petit
We're joining a storyline in progress here. In the story so far, Logan has traveled to Japan where he's discovered that Clan Yashida is developing a healing factor drug called Regenix. But The Hand wants the drug, too, so they've initiated a hostile takeover of Clan Yashida, dispatching with the Silver Samurai and replacing him with the mysterious Scarlet Samurai. The previous issue ended on a cliffhanger, with Logan about to be killed by the Samurai, who has been revealed to be…
Just kidding. It was actually Logan's dead ex-girlfriend, Mariko. Today's issue starts off with a flashback to the good ol' Claremont days, with Young Man Logan giving Mariko a flower. But was that Logan's memory… or Mariko's? Back in the present, Mariko recognizes Logan and diverts her strike, allowing him to escape.
The distraction only lasts for a moment though, and Mariko wants to kill him again, but her boss, Gorgon is pissed. He says the Hand brought her back to life and she should be more grateful, but come on, The Hand brings people back to life on the regular. Is it really such a big deal? Gorgon sends the Hand out to track down Logan so he can kill him himself.
Later, Logan hooks up with Shingen, the Silver Samurai, who survived his attack by the Hand. They agree to work together to take down Shingen's aunt Mariko. Back at Yashida corporate headquarters, Mariko displays another moment of compassion, stopping Gorgon from killing a scientist, but she plays it off as being in his best interest. Logan and Shingen attack, with Shingen driving off Gorgon. Logan pleads with Mariko to overcome the Hand's mind control, but she's about to kill him again until Shingen stabs her in through the chest, but not the kind of stab through the chest that kills you. Just the kind that looks cool and then you find out she'll be fine because of nanobots.
Shingen tells Logan to take the sleeping Mariko to Madripoor and destroy the Regenix shipment before it gets out onto the market because it hasn't undergone FDA testing yet. You'll have to wait until next issue to find out more. Claremont and Byrne could have fit this entire issue into two pages. But the art was pretty. You could find worse things to spend four bucks on at the comic shop this week.
Check back later today for the next exciting issue of… X-Men: Bland Design!