Heroic Assault On Roman Reigns During WWE Raw Revealed Braun Strowman Is Strongest Person Ever On Earth


Last night on Monday Night Raw, Roman Reigns spoke more than five words for the first time since defeating and retiring The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. In a backstage interview with Michael Cole, Reigns called the "bittersweet" victory the greatest of his career, and said, "I'm the big dog here. This is my yard now." At that moment, Braun Strowman attacked, to cheers of approval from the crowd, and proceeded to repeatedly assault Reigns for more than four minutes. After punching and slamming Reigns through various objects backstage, Reigns was loaded onto a stretcher. Before he could be brought to an ambulance, however, Strowman grabbed the stretcher and pushed it off a loading dock. "You deserve it," fans gratefully chanted in response. "Thank you Braun!"

Afterward, as Reigns was loaded into an ambulance, Strowman attacked again, and, seemingly powered by the crowd's hatred for Reigns, lifted the ambulance and tipped it over with Reigns inside in a feat of strength greater than anything the world has ever seen. A typical ambulance weighs 10,000 pounds or more, while the largest weight ever lifted by a human being is just over 1,100 pounds. Though Strowman didn't lift the entire ambulance, he did lift half of it up to tip it over, so we can safely assume that Braun Strowman is stronger than the strongest person on Earth ever by at least a factor of five. Even when Hulk Hogan lifted the ten foot tall Giant over his head in front of 500,000 screaming fans at the Silverdome and slammed him to the mat, brother, Andre weighed, at most, eight hundred pounds.

Following the assault, WWE.com reports that Reigns has suffered broken ribs, "internal injuries," and a possible separated shoulder.

For fans fed up with Reigns' push as WWE's top wrestler, the attack was a truly satisfying scene that benefits from repeated viewings. Luckily, WWE has released the entire thing on YouTube, so you can watch it over, and over, and over, and over again. Which is what we plan to do.

What can we say about this glorious performance that Strownman's theme song doesn't already when it says, "BRRRAAAAAAAUUUUUUNNNNN?" Last night, it wasn't Roman that was made to look strong, and for that, Braun Strowman, strongest man on Earth, you have all of our thanks.

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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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