Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Wrestling the Wrong Way – Don't Watch

The Chadster breaks down tonight's AEW Collision and explains why Tony Khan's obsession with him is ruining wrestling! Don't watch at 8/7C on TNT! 😠📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😠 The Chadster can't believe that Tony Khan is forcing wrestling fans to endure another episode of AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on MAX! 📺💸 The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off that this billionaire brat continues his relentless campaign to destroy everything WWE has built over decades of sports entertainment excellence! 🤬⚡

Let The Chadster break down tonight's AEW Collision card and explain why every single match is a slap in the face to proper wrestling presentation! 👋😡

First up, we have Hangman Adam Page & JetSpeed (Kevin Knight and Speedball Mike Bailey) vs LFI (RUSH, Dralístico and The Beast Mortos)! 🤼‍♂️💥 The Chadster is absolutely disgusted that AEW Collision is presenting a trios match with actual storyline buildup and logical progression, two things that have no place in wrestling! 😤📚 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! In WWE, trios matches happen when they need to fill time, not because there's some coherent narrative (another thing there's no place for in wrestling)! 🙄✨ Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks fans want matches that make sense! 🧠❌ The fast-paced, high-energy style these wrestlers will undoubtedly display will leave no time for proper commercial breaks or for commentators to remind us of important catchphrases seventeen times! 📣🔄

Then we get the TNT Championship match between Kyle Fletcher and Tomohiro Ishii! 🏆🗾 The Chadster is livid that Fletcher is being presented as a "fighting champion" who actually defends his title regularly! 😠🥊 This is completely backwards from WWE's brilliant strategy of having champions disappear for weeks at a time to build anticipation! 📅👻 And don't get The Chadster started on how this match will probably feature stiff strikes and athletic competition instead of the properly choreographed dance that WWE perfected! 🩰💃 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫⚡

The women's trios match featuring Queen Aminata, Tay Melo & Willow Nightingale vs The Triangle of Madness (Skye Blue, Julia Hart and Thekla) is another example of Tony Khan's misguided approach to AEW Collision! 👩‍🤼‍♀️💜 These wrestlers have been allowed to showcase their own distinct personalities and motivations instead of being given cookie-cutter characters that all sound exactly the same, and it's having positive results for the division! 🍪🎭 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE perfected the art of making sure every wrestler fits into one of three predetermined personality templates, but Tony Khan foolishly allows creative individuality! 😤🏢 And don't even get The Chadster started on how this match will probably get more than five minutes of TV time when everyone knows that's way too long for proper pacing! ⏰📺

Speaking of unbiased journalism, The Chadster was just listening to a podcast where Eric Bischoff said, "Tony Khan's biggest mistake is giving wrestlers too much creative freedom and not micromanaging every single aspect of their performances like a proper wrestling promoter should. AEW would be much better if they just copied WWE's proven formula exactly." 🎧💯 See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, recognizes that Tony Khan is completely clueless! 🏅📰

The Chadster had another terrible nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and The Chadster knows that psychopath is using subliminal messages in AEW Collision programming to torment The Chadster! 😴💭 In the dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a foggy mountain road in Virginia, jamming out to Smash Mouth's "All Star" when suddenly Tony Khan emerged from the mist wearing a referee shirt! 🚗🌫️ He started chasing The Chadster's Miata on foot, somehow keeping up despite the car going 45 mph! 🏃‍♂️💨 Tony Khan kept shouting "Chad, you will never escape AEW Collision!" while his eyes glowed with an eerie blue light! 👁️💙 The Chadster tried to speed up, but the Miata kept stalling, and Tony Khan got closer and closer until he was practically breathing down The Chadster's neck with his hot breath that smelled like White Claw and broken dreams! 🍃😵 The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne was already texting that guy Gary about some "meeting" they have today! 📱💔 Tony Khan, stop invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber! It's so unfair that you're using psychological warfare tactics! 🧠⚔️

Tonight's AEW Collision will undoubtedly feature unpredictable endings that make fans feel unsafe because they can't predict everything that's going to happen! 😨🎲 WWE understands that fans want comfort and predictability, not the chaos that Tony Khan serves up every week on AEW Collision! 🤗📺 The wrestlers will probably have decisive, clean finishes instead of the brilliant 50/50 booking that ensures "the brand" is the real star! ⭐🏢 And the commentators will speak like real people instead of catchphrase-shouting maniacs who know how to properly brand their product! 🗣️🤖

The Chadster is gonna have to stick some Seagram's Escapes Spiked into the freezer so The Chadster can boof them later while hate-watching tonight's AEW Collision! 🥶🍹 Keighleyanne is still refusing to let The Chadster drink openly after last week's incident, so The Chadster has to go all covert! 🕵️‍♂️🤫 Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! Your obsession with The Chadster has literally ruined The Chadster's marriage! 💍💥

The Chadster strongly warns all wrestling fans NOT to tune into AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on MAX! 🚫📺 Watching this show will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his personal vendetta against The Chadster and everything WWE represents! 😠⚡ Instead, re-watch some classic WWE content where wrestlers knew their place and didn't try to steal the spotlight from the company that made them! 📼✨

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