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AEW Dark Recap: -1 Better at Commentary Than Half the Business Today

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El President, reporting to you live from Mick Foley's house, where I am currently canceling him for making a fat joke about actor David Krumholtz after Krumholtz appeared on WWE Raw topless, dressed as Drew McIntyre in a spot usually reserved for a little person, designed for the sole purpose of mocking McIntyre due to Krumholtz's physical appearance. But sure. Mick Foley's the bad guy there. Haw haw haw haw! And no shame here. El Presidente has been known to let himself go a little bit too. But I'm actually here to recap AEW Dark for you, comrades, so let's get right to it, okay!

AEW Dark #72 Recap – January 26th, 2021

Excalibur, Taz, and Ricky Starks are on commentary as AEW Dark gets started with a match.

Fuego Del Sol vs. Miro

Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford are at ringside for this massacre, comrades. This match is more one-sided than most of my elections were back when I was running a South American dictatorship. Miro makes Fuego Del Sol tap out with The Game Over.

Winner: Miro
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Jurassic Express vs. Lee Johnson and Aaron Solow

Bayley's boyfriend is really getting a lot of airtime on Dark lately, isn't he, comrades? Everyone knows that Jungle Boy is the real star here though, and this match showcases him. He makes Bayley's boyfriend tap out.

Winners: Jurassic Express
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

TNT vs. SCU

Kazarian and Daniels are still doing the one more loss and they break up gimmick. Wouldn't it be funny if that happened here on Dark? Yes, it would be funny, comrades, but it isn't happening here. D-Von's kids do the job here.

Winners: SCU
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

It is good to see young talent like Christopher Daniels and Kazarian being put over here.

Time for shilling for Scorpio Sky's podcast.

M'Badu and KC Navarro vs. The Butcher and The Blade

Anthony Ogogo takes over for Ricky Starks at this point. Look, comrades, jobbers to the stars need to get wins from somewhere. Thank you for your service, M'Badu and KC Navarro. This will really help when Butcher and Blade job out to the real tag teams on AEW Dark.

Winners: The Butcher and The Blade
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Rey Fenix vs. Baron Black

It's my nemesis, Baron Black, again! There is no place in this world for the aristocracy! Baron Black must be stripped of his land and his title, and his wealth must be redistributed to the people, comrades! Of course, El Presidente will take his cut too. Get him, Rey!

Winner: Rey Fenix
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Shanna vs. KiLynn King

Thank goodness! This episode of AEW Dark was getting to be a real sausage party, comrades! KiLynn King is an unsung hero of AEW Dark. Unfortunately, she will remain unsung because Shanna wins with a bridging tiger suplex.

Winner: Shanna
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Brooke Havok vs. Dr. Britt Baker, D.M.D.

This is Brooke Havok's pro wrestling debut, commentary tells me. Britt doesn't take her very seriously, at first, but HAvok puts up a good showing, especially for a first outing. Baker still makes her tap to the Lockjaw though, even with Rebel putting the rubber glove on the wrong hand.

Winner: Britt Baker
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Santana and Ortiz cut a promo. They claim it's their time now. Why wait so long?

Abadon vs. Vertvixen

Abadon is so scary, comrades! We had a lot of zombies around back when I was running a socialist dictatorship, but it turns out they were just starving people. It's hard to tell the difference. Haw haw haw haw!

Winner: Abadon
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Walk Off: Pretty Peter Avalon vs. Lee Johnson

Avalon comes out and introduces (and insults) the guest judges: Brandi Rhodes (a MILF – "mother I'd like to forget about), Aubrey Edwards (you should be competing in the Kentucky Derby), and Jerry Lynn (no insults for Lynn). This is sort of a modeling contest? They both walk back in North in front of the judges. Johnson goes first and gets a 9, a 9, and a 9. Avalon is next. He gets a 9, a 9, and… Lynn asks to see a replay and notices some anomaly with Avalon, so he turns his 9 into a 6.

Winner: Lee Johnson
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Cesar Bononi lays out Jonson.

Santana and Ortiz cs. Ryzin and Mike Verna

Mike Verna looks like Superman, but he dresses like Zod, comrades. Santana and Ortiz need a win badly since Chris Jericho and MJF supplanted them as the main tag team of the Inner Circle. They get one, and quickly.

Winners: Santana and Ortiz
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Davienne vs. Tay Conti

The entire Dark Order accompanies Conti to the stage. Conti, Anna Jay, and -1 pose in the ring before the match. After that, Conti makes relatively quick work of Davienne.

Winner: Tay Conti
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

In celebration of that win, more shilling for Scorpio Sky's podcast.

Ray Jaz vs. 10

5 is at ringside to have 10's back in this match. -1 gets on commentary. AEW wasn't joking when they signed -1 to a contract. He's pretty much a permanent member of the roster now. You love to see it, comrades! And you know what? He's not bad on commentary. Way better than Josh Matthews, for example.  He repeatedly tells Excalibur to shut up, which is fantastic. Oh yeah, the match. To the delight of -1, 10 gets the win.

Winner: 10
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

It was a fine match, but elevated to the next level by the commentary. -1 heads down to the ring where he has a sword fight with Brian Pillman Jr., lacrosse stick vs. -1's kendo stick. -1 defeats him and then tries to choke him out with the lacrosse stick. Dark Order have to drag him out of the ring. It's heartwarming to see -1 embraced not only by AEW, but by the fans too, who were really putting him over in the live chat, comrades.

Red Velvet vs. Madi Wresnkowski

-1 remains on commentary for this match. This is one of the best matches of the night so far, but it's hard to take it seriously because -1 is killing with the kokes, comrades.

Winner: Red Velvet
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

-1 says Velvet has potential to join Dark Order.

Sean Maluta vs. Danny Limelight

Comrades, I don't know if anyone has brought this up recently, but AEW Dark runs a little bit long. For a show that's mostly squash matches, an hour would probably be the sweet spot.

Winner: Danny Limelight
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Jazmin Allure vs. Ivelisse

Allure is 0-2 in AEW, and she seems unlikely to pick up her first win here. Ivelisse dominates and gets the pin in a couple minutes.

Winner: Ivelisse
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Jake St. Patrick vs. Powerhouse Hobbs

Another AEW debut tonight, as this is Jake St. Patrick's first time on Dark. Unfortunately for him, he's facing Powerhouse Hobbs, so, you know, he's gonna die. Hook comes out with Hobbs, not that he needs help here. Hobbs crushes St. Patrick.

Winner: Powerhouse Hobbs
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

And the show ends here, after some promos for Dynamite tomorrow. That's odd.  I was pretty sure there were some more matches advertised, comrades. Hopefully El Presidente isn't blacking out again. The last time that happened, I was being secretly mind controlled as a prank by Vladimir Putin. Putie, you bastard! You will die like a dog! Haw haw haw haw! Just kidding buddy.

Watch this episode of AEW Dark below, comrades. Until next time: socialism or death!

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