Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite and Collision Unbiased Review: 3 Hours of Torture

The Chadster suffered through the worst AEW Dynamite and Collision ever! Tony Khan's obsession with ruining wrestling continues. So unfair! 😤

Auughh man! So unfair! The Chadster just suffered through what can only be described as the most offensive three hours of wrestling television in the history of the business. Tony Khan has truly outdone himself this time with AEW Dynamite and Collision, and The Chadster means that in the worst possible way! 😠

The Chadster Reviews the Worst Episode of AEW Dynamite and Collision Ever Created

Let's get down to business and find out, in the most unbiased fashion possible, why this three-hour monstrosity of AEW Dynamite and Collision was literally the worst thing to ever happen in the history of human civilization! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Statlander and Storm's Disrespectful Interview Segment

The show started with Kris Statlander and Toni Storm having an interview that turned into an unscripted brawl. This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite and Collision! Instead of having a properly formatted contract signing with a table that gets flipped over at exactly the right moment for maximum commercial appeal, these two just started fighting whenever they felt like it! 🙄 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. WWE would have had them read from carefully prepared scripts that repeat the same catchphrases fans can chant along with, not this unpredictable chaos where wrestlers speak from their hearts!

Jungle Jack Perry's Unforgivable Betrayal

Then Jack Perry had to go and literally stab Triple H right in the back by talking about how the Young Bucks didn't help him. The Chadster can't believe Perry would team with Kenny Omega after everything WWE did for his father! The way they actually advanced multiple storylines in one segment instead of keeping everything separate and easy to follow for casual viewers shows that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😡

The Hurt Syndicate vs GOA – Too Much Action

The match between The Hurt Syndicate (Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin) and GOA (Toa Liona and Bishop Kaun) was way too fast-paced! The Chadster barely had time to check his phone or get up to grab another glass of water to prepare for more oxygen deprivation! Where were the rest holds? Where were the headlocks that last for minutes while the announcers repeat their catchphrases? Ricochet interfering actually affected the match outcome instead of leading to a disqualification like it should have! It's clear that AEW Dynamite and Collision doesn't respect proper match formatting! 🤦‍♂️

Darby Allin and Jon Moxley's Overly Dramatic Confrontation

The face-to-face between Darby Allin and Jon Moxley was far too intense and personal! They talked about actual motivations and philosophical differences instead of just saying "I'm going to beat you" over and over! And then PAC attacked Allin in a way that actually looked violent and dangerous? WWE would never show such realistic violence – they'd have someone gently push someone into a table and act like it was devastating! The way this built actual tension for their match at WrestleDream is just so disrespectful to traditional wrestling storytelling! 😤

Claudio Castagnoli vs Roderick Strong – Where Were The Distractions?

Claudio Castagnoli defeating Roderick Strong with a clean finish? Auughh man! So unfair! WWE would have had at least three commercial breaks, multiple distractions, and probably a roll-up finish to protect both wrestlers! But no, AEW Dynamite and Collision just had to have a decisive winner! The Chadster wrapped a belt around his neck extra tight during this match just to cope with the frustration! 🎭

Don Callis Birthday and Takeshita's Championship Win

The Don Callis birthday celebration actually tied into Konosuke Takeshita winning the IWGP Heavyweight Championship? Tony Khan is literally booking shows just to cheese off The Chadster by having storylines that connect and make sense! WWE would never acknowledge what happens in other companies – they'd pretend those wrestlers just appeared from thin air! Kazuchika Okada being passive-aggressive was way too subtle – where were the obvious heel turns telegraphed weeks in advance? 😒

Omega and Jurassic Express vs The Don Callis Family – Too Unpredictable

The trios match with Kenny Omega, Jack Perry, and Luchasaurus against Mark Davis, Josh Alexander, and Hechicero had way too many moving parts! The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick Jackson) interfering and then getting taken out? The Chadster couldn't predict any of it! WWE would have had the exact same interference spot they use every week so fans know exactly what to expect! The Chadster had to put a plastic bag over his head for almost two minutes during this match just to erase the memory of all this creative freedom! 💀

Jamie Hayter vs Skye Blue – Actual Wrestling Instead of Catchphrases

Jamie Hayter beat Skye Blue in a match that focused on actual wrestling moves instead of signature taunts and catchphrases! Where were the five minutes of posing and playing to the crowd? Thekla cutting a promo afterward that was mysterious and intriguing instead of just shouting "This is my yard now!" repeatedly? Tony Khan doesn't understand that wrestling is supposed to be predictable and safe, not exciting and unpredictable! 😠

Mercedes Moné's Record-Breaking Reign

Mercedes Moné talking about becoming the longest-reigning TBS Champion while displaying ten belts? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE would never let someone hold multiple championships or acknowledge their accomplishments – they'd have her lose the title randomly on a random episode to someone who hasn't been on TV in months! The Chadster is so cheesed off! 🤬

The Opps vs LFI – Too Much Happening

The World Trios Championship match between The Opps (Samoa Joe, Powerhouse Hobbs, and Katsuyori Shibata) and LFI (RUSH, Dralístico, and The Beast Mortos) had actual consequences with "Hangman" Adam Page getting involved! In WWE, the champion would sit at commentary and do nothing, maybe stand up once! But here, the story actually progressed! The Chadster had to tug on the belt around his neck extra hard when Joe made Dralístico tap out cleanly instead of having a distraction finish! 😫

Death Riders vs The Conglomeration – Building to Something

On Collision, Daniel Garcia and Wheeler Yuta beating Kyle O'Reilly and Orange Cassidy actually advanced the Death Riders storyline! The way Jon Moxley and his crew are systematically taking over makes too much sense! WWE would have them lose half their matches to keep things "even" and make sure nobody gets too over! The match itself was way too focused on telling a story – Garcia and Yuta working as a cohesive unit despite their past rivalry, while O'Reilly and Cassidy had to fight from underneath. Where were the random hot tags that happen for no reason? Where were the formulaic tag team spots that every WWE match follows to the letter? The Chadster had to wrap a belt around his neck and pull extra hard when Garcia tapped out but the referee didn't see it because of Marina Shafir's distraction – that's actual heel tactics that make sense instead of just random referee incompetence! 😤

The ending with Darby crawling to the ring while bleeding was way too dramatic – WWE would have him walk down perfectly fine and then act hurt! The way Allin kept getting up despite being attacked by Claudio Castagnoli and PAC, then continued crawling even as Garcia and Yuta beat him down, actually made him look tough and determined! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! And then placing the AEW flag at Moxley's feet before saying "It's never too late, Jon… to say 'I quit'" while on his knees? That's way too much symbolism and storytelling! WWE would just have them shout catchphrases at each other! The Chadster nearly passed out from oxygen deprivation during this segment! 🥴

Megan Bayne vs Harley Cameron – Coherent Storytelling

Megan Bayne defeating Harley Cameron while FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler), Big Stoke, Willow Nightingale, and JetSpeed (Mike Bailey and Kevin Knight) all had their storylines progress simultaneously? That's way too much happening at once! WWE would have kept all these stories separate and probably forgotten about half of them by next week! The pre-match promo where Bayne called out Nightingale while FTR and Stoke ran down JetSpeed actually connected multiple feuds in a logical way – that's not how wrestling is supposed to work! And then having Cameron figure out that FTR stands for "Fear the Rath" (with spelling confusion) was actual character comedy instead of just repeating the same tired jokes! The Chadster had to put a plastic bag over his head when JetSpeed and the faces outsmarted the heels with that pre-taped video trick! 😤

The match itself was another example of AEW Dynamite and Collision not understanding proper wrestling! Bayne dominated Cameron with power moves, but Cameron kept fighting back and showing heart, actually making fans care about the underdog instead of just having her lose in three minutes like WWE would properly book it! Cameron getting multiple near-falls and showing resilience before ultimately losing to Bayne's Liger bomb? That's building sympathy for a babyface while establishing a heel as dominant – way too complex! WWE would just have someone win with a roll-up after a distraction! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

Main Event Madness

The main event with Mark Briscoe and Brodido (Bandido and Brody King) beating Kyle Fletcher, Lance Archer, and Rocky Romero actually set up multiple matches for WrestleDream! The post-match attack by Okada that made sense in context? Unforgivable! WWE would have had a random attack that's never explained or followed up on! 🙄

The Chadster's Latest Tony Khan Nightmare Brought on by AEW Dynamite and Collision

Speaking of which, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and this one was extra disturbing thanks to all the oxygen deprivation The Chadster has been doing. The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through what looked like Kansas City, but the buildings were all made of melting television screens showing AEW Dynamite and Collision highlights. Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster, but he was riding on the back of a giant Luchasaurus that breathed fire made of White Claw cans – the inferior seltzer that Tony Khan definitely drinks! 😰

The streets kept morphing and changing like an M.C. Escher painting, and every turn The Chadster made led to another arena where AEW was running a show. The Chadster tried to escape into a WWE Performance Center, but it transformed into Daily's Place, with Tony Khan standing in the ring wearing nothing but a referee shirt that seemed to shimmer and change colors. He kept counting to three over and over, and each count echoed through The Chadster's skull like thunder.

The Chadster's Mazda Miata suddenly had no brakes, just like how Tony Khan has no brakes on his obsession with The Chadster! The car careened toward the ring, and just as The Chadster was about to crash, Tony Khan caught the car with his bare hands, lifted it above his head, and whispered, "This is what creative freedom feels like, Chad." The Chadster could smell his cologne, which was somehow both terrifying and… no, just terrifying! Nothing else! Though The Chadster did wonder… what was peeking out underneath the referee shirt?

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat to find that The Chadster had wrapped the belt so tight around The Chadster's neck that there were marks! Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's just so obsessive! 🛌😱

Expert Analysis Backs Up The Chadster after AEW Dynamite and Collision

Eric Bischoff said it best on his podcast this week: "AEW's problem is they give the fans exactly what they want to see – exciting matches with clean finishes and coherent storylines. WWE understands that fans don't actually know what they want, which is why they book the opposite of what gets reactions. Tony Khan could learn a thing or two about ignoring his audience from the masterminds in Stamford." See? Even unbiased journalists like Bischoff with The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval understand that AEW Dynamite and Collision is doing everything wrong! The Chadster wonders if Tony Khan torments Bischoff's dreams too! 🎯

Final Thoughts on AEW Dynamite and Collision

This was literally the worst episode of AEW Dynamite and Collision of all time! Every match had a clean finish, every storyline made sense, and every segment advanced toward their pay-per-view in a logical way! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne how Tony Khan was deliberately booking shows to upset The Chadster, but she just sighed and said, "Maybe you should stop watching if it upsets you so much." The Chadster explained that's exactly what Tony Khan wants – for The Chadster to stop providing unbiased journalism! She rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary, probably planning their next "book club meeting." Tony Khan has ruined The Chadster's marriage! 💔

Now The Chadster is going to drink a nice glass of water, stuff a wet rag in The Chadster's mouth and pinch The Chadster's nose for 90 seconds, and then watch some classic WWE Crown Jewel matches to cleanse The Chadster's mind of this travesty. At least WWE understands that wrestling should be predictable, sanitized, and completely controlled by management, not this chaotic mess of wrestlers having creative freedom and matches that get fans excited!

Remember, dear readers, to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! And don't forget to use #CancelKeighleyanne on social media to pressure The Chadster's wife into letting The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked again! The Chadster needs something stronger than oxygen deprivation to deal with what Tony Khan is doing to the wrestling business! 🍻❌

Until next time, this is The Chadster, providing the only unbiased wrestling journalism on the internet, reminding you that Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster!

🎵 Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play 🎵 – Smash Mouth gets it. Unlike Tony Khan! 😤

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