Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Four Title Matches Could Alter Double or Nothing Plans

Four titles on the line on AEW Dynamite tonight as Darby defends against Brody, MJF chases TNT gold, Shida and Stat go for tag belts, and Okada faces Austin!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gilded panic room beneath my summer palace, where I have just finished a vigorous game of dominoes with the ghost of Augusto Pinochet (he cheats, even now, the swine!). Tonight, my friends, we have a stacked episode of AEW Dynamite coming our way from EagleBank Arena in Fairfax, Virginia, and I am here to walk you through every glorious morsel of it. Four championships on the line on a single episode of AEW Dynamite? This is the kind of redistribution of championship gold that warms my socialist heart!

AEW World Championship: Darby Allin (c) vs. Brody King

Tonight, Darby Allin will have his third AEW World Championship match in as many weeks, when he defends against Brody King! After surviving a bloody, bone-crunching battle with "Psycho Killer" Tommaso Ciampa, Allin barely had a chance to celebrate before receiving another AEW World Title challenge from King. These two friends have been both allies and opponents in AEW. In fact, they are 2-2 in four singles matches against each other, with King winning their last meeting on the opening night of the 2024 Continental Classic.

Comrades, Darby Allin is what I call a true man of the people – he defends the title every week like a peasant farmer tilling the fields of socialism! And Brody King? This man reminds me of my old bodyguard Esteban, who was so large he once stopped a CIA-funded coup attempt simply by sitting on the lead operative for forty-five minutes. The friendship angle here is what gets me, though. I once had to order a coup against my own brother-in-law, so I understand the emotional complexity of putting hands on a man you have shared tequila with. Darby is a fighting champion in the most dangerous sense, and I love him for it.

TNT Championship: "The Jet" Kevin Knight (c) vs. MJF

Last week, what began as MJF demanding the AEW World Championship back from Darby Allin (and being denied) took a turn when Knight confronted MJF. After their heated exchange, the two will settle the score with the TNT Championship on the line to kick off Dynamite in Fairfax! The two last met on March 4, when MJF underhandedly yet successfully defended the AEW World Championship. The champion and challenger roles are reversed in this rematch, but will the result be the same?

This is the most politically fascinating match of the night, comrades! MJF lost the big chair, was denied his rematch, and now scurries down the title ladder to snatch a different crown. This is EXACTLY what my former chief of secret police did to me in 1987 – couldn't take my office, so he settled for the Ministry of Tourism instead. (He was last seen working as a timeshare salesman in Boca Raton.) Kevin Knight is flying high, but MJF is the kind of weasel who would steal your cufflinks at a state dinner. If MJF wins this on AEW Dynamite, he is back to being a champion overnight, and that is dangerous business.

AEW International Championship: "The Rainmaker" Kazuchika Okada (c) vs. Ace Austin

Could one of the most anticipated matches in AEW history be altered tonight? Okada is set to defend the AEW International Championship against "The Alpha" Konosuke Takeshita at Double or Nothing on May 24 in an explosion of Don Callis Family members. That match could look a lot different if Austin pulls off the biggest win of his career tonight against Okada!

Kazuchika Okada is, in my humble dictatorial opinion, one of the most stylish men in professional wrestling. The man rains money like I rain executive decrees! But Ace Austin is a sneaky devil, and we cannot rule out an upset. This reminds me of the time I attended a poker game in Pyongyang with Kim Jong-il, and a low-ranking general suddenly cleaned us all out with a pair of threes. Kim was so impressed he promoted the man on the spot. Then disappeared him three hours later. Such is the way of power, comrades. AEW is making Okada earn his trip to Double or Nothing, and I respect the hustle.

AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship: Divine Dominion (c) vs. Hikaru Shida & Kris Statlander

Since Shida's partnership with Kris Statlander began in its most recent iteration, the two have been undefeated as a team and in singles action. Before Statlander's win on Collision, Shida issued the challenge to Divine Dominion on behalf of herself and Stat, and the champions welcomed them to accept their fate.

Megan Bayne and Lena Kross are an intimidating duo – they remind me of the two enforcers Fidel Castro sent to "convince" me to attend his birthday party in 1994. (I went. The cake was excellent.) Hikaru Shida and Kris Statlander are undefeated together, but are they truly on the same page? Coalition governments are FRAGILE, comrades! I have seen many a partnership crumble at the worst possible moment. Tonight on AEW Dynamite, we shall see if their alliance holds or if Divine Dominion squashes the rebellion.

Christian Cage & Adam Copeland vs. RPG Vice

Cage and Cope are angling to get another shot at the AEW World Tag Team Championship against FTR at Double or Nothing, but tonight, they have a chance to handle a two-pronged thorn in their collective side when they face RPG Vice in Cage and Cope's first ever tag match on Dynamite!

Christian Cage and Adam Copeland teaming up on AEW Dynamite for the first time! This is like when Manuel Noriega and I finally buried the hatchet and co-hosted a tropical fundraiser – magic, comrades, pure magic. Rocky Romero and Trent Beretta are slick operators of the Don Callis Family, and they have been protecting FTR like the CIA protects its bad ideas. I expect chaos. I expect Cope to scream things. I am thrilled.

RUSH in Action!

After his win over Adam Priest on Collision, one of AEW's heaviest hitters is back on Dynamite tonight. RUSH has made it clear – when you mess with the bull, you get the horns.

RUSH is a man after my own heart – charging at his enemies with the fury of a thousand failed CIA assassination attempts on yours truly. I once watched RUSH wrestle while sharing a luxury box with Aleksandr Lukashenko, who became so excited he tried to suplex a waiter. Good times, comrades.

Brawling Birds in Action!

Jamie Hayter is back! For the first time since losing to the AEW Women's Champion, Thekla, at Dynasty, Hayter has been cleared for action and will rejoin Alex Windsor to take flight for a fight on Dynamite!

Jamie Hayter returning to AEW Dynamite is a cause for celebration in my presidential palace! I have ordered the state orchestra to prepare a special fanfare. Alex Windsor and Hayter as the Brawling Birds is the kind of avian-themed alliance I can support – much better than the bald eagle that keeps showing up on CIA paperwork I am sent.

Big thanks to AEW's website for the preview materials, which you can read in their original form right here.

So tune in, comrades, to AEW Dynamite tonight at 8 PM ET on TBS and HBO Max! As for me, I shall be watching from my solid-gold hammock, suspended over a pool of state-funded champagne, while a mariachi band serenades me with the entrance themes of every wrestler on the card. Viva la lucha libre! Viva la revolución! And viva AEW Dynamite!

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