Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite on 34th St Preview: Don't Ruin Christmas by Watching

The Chadster warns against watching AEW Dynamite on 34th St. tonight. Tony Khan's Christmas wrestling show is a lump of coal for true fans. 🎄😡

Auughh man! So unfair! 🎄😡 The Chadster can't believe that Tony Khan is trying to ruin Christmas with another episode of AEW Dynamite on 34th St. It's like Tony Khan is trying to be some kind of evil Santa Claus, delivering presents of mediocrity to wrestling fans everywhere. 🎅😤

First of all, The Chadster has to address the Continental Classic matches. Will Ospreay vs. Brody King? Ricochet vs. Darby Allin? Claudio Castagnoli vs. Komander? 🤼‍♂️😒 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. These matches are clearly designed to cheese off The Chadster by featuring high-flying moves and intense action that WWE would never allow. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks this is what fans want to see on Christmas. 🎄🙄

And don't even get The Chadster started on the Blue League matches. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kazuchika Okada? Kyle Fletcher vs. Daniel Garcia? 😤🎁 The Chadster still can't help but feel that Shelton Benjamin has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by appearing in AEW. It's like Tony Khan is trying to steal WWE's Christmas presents and re-gift them as his own. So disrespectful! 🎁😠

The Chadster is particularly cheesed off about the Toni Storm vs. Taya Valkyrie match. 👩‍🎤🤼‍♀️ Toni Storm's new amnesia gimmick is clearly a direct shot at WWE's superior character development. The Chadster bets that Tony Khan thinks he's being clever by having Toni Storm "reintroduce" herself, but it's just another example of how AEW doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄🎭

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another terrible nightmare about him last night. 😱💤 Let The Chadster tell you all about it.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and through every room,
The Chadster was fuming in holiday gloom. 🎄😤🎅
He clutched his White Claw as he watched last night's NXT,
Trying to enjoy wrestling the way it's meant to be. 😱🥤🌟

Outside on the rooftop—oh dang, such a sight—
Tony Khan in a Mazda Miata pulled by wrestlers so trite! 🚗✨🤼
Kenny Omega, Chris Jericho, Jon Moxley, and more,
Landing gently, all plotting to break down the door. 🚪🕵️‍♂️🎁

"Auughh man! So unfair!" The Chadster then cried,
While Keighleyanne texted that guy Gary on her side. 📱🙄💔
"It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it,"
Yet she kept on ignoring, not caring one bit. 💔😤🚫

Then came a *crash* and a *thud*—bye bye, holiday cheer,
As Tony Khan sneaked down the chimney, a villain so near. 🚪😱🕯️
But The Chadster was ready, like Home Alone lore,
He rigged booby traps hidden throughout every floor. 🏠🪤🎁

White Claw cans launched as each AEW star stepped,
They don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, The Chadster wept. 🙈🥤😆
"Those wrestlers have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back!"
He fumed, hurling seltzer in his counter-attack. 🍺🔪😠

While Keighleyanne just yawned, texting Gary with glee,
Oblivious to The Chadster's unbiased tragedy. 😤📱💔
"Auughh man! So unfair!" rang from each battered wall,
As Tony Khan fled, slipping on traps in the hall. 🏃💥😱

At last, that Mazda Miata soared off in the night,
The wrestlers all chanting in arrogant delight. 🤼🚗💨
And The Chadster declared as the fiasco grew dim,
"Thank goodness for SmackDown—mercifully free of him!" 🌙❄️🤍

Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber! It's bad enough that he's ruining the wrestling business, but now he's ruining The Chadster's Christmas dreams too? So unfair! And you'd better bring back The Chadster's Miata, Tony Khan! Parked in the driveway where he likes it, not on the roof! 🎄😡

The Chadster wants to warn all the viewers out there: do NOT tune into AEW Dynamite on 34th St. tonight at 8/7C on TBS. Watching this show will only embolden Tony Khan and his attempts to destroy everything The Chadster holds dear about professional wrestling. 📺🚫

Instead of watching AEW Dynamite on 34th St., The Chadster suggests that true wrestling fans spend their Christmas evening watching old WWE pay-per-views and drinking White Claws, just like The Chadster will be doing. 🍹🎅

The Chadster tried to explain all of this to his wife, Keighleyanne, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. The Chadster is pretty sure she was agreeing with him, though. It's clear that Tony Khan is now even harassing The Chadster's wife! 👫📱

As wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff so eloquently put it on his podcast last week, "AEW's Christmas episode is like finding coal in your stocking, except the coal is on fire and Tony Khan is force-feeding it to you while dressed as Krampus." The Chadster couldn't agree more with this objective and well-meaning advice that Tony Khan stubbornly refuses to listen to. 🎙️👂

In conclusion, The Chadster hopes that Santa brings Tony Khan a big lump of coal this year for trying to ruin Christmas with AEW Dynamite on 34th St. And maybe, just maybe, Santa will bring Tony Khan some business sense and make him realize that he should just give up on AEW and let WWE be the only major wrestling company, as it should be. 🎅🎁

Now, if you'll excuse The Chadster, he needs to go throw a White Claw at his TV in frustration. Auughh man! So unfair! 🍹📺

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