It pains The Chadster to have to tell you this, but unfortunately, another episode of AEW Dynamite will air tonight on TBS. The Chadster was hoping this would finally be the week that Tony Khan admits he's been so wrong all this time and cancels AEW, but it looks like he's too stubborn to do that and so The Chadster will be inflicted with yet another week of entertaining wrestling matches that unfairly compete with WWE and RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE! And Tony Khan has some friends in very high places too, because when The Chadster came up with an idea earlier this week about how to finally stop Tony Khan and his own evil plans, The Chadster's own wife, Keighleyanne, turned against him!
The Chadster had had enough. Tony Khan and AEW had been ruining his life for months, and he'd finally come up with the only surefire way to stop them: a hunger strike. He'd heard of people going on hunger strikes before, and it seemed like the perfect solution. He'd go without food until AEW was canceled – it was foolproof! But when The Chadster announced his plan to his wife, Keighleyanne, she was less than thrilled. "What are you thinking?" she said. "You can't go on a hunger strike! You need food to survive! What about your health?" The Chadster was adamant though. He was going to do it, and nothing would stop him. Keighleyanne was so angry that she stormed out of the house to go text that guy Gary from the car, leaving The Chadster alone in his hunger strike. But The Chadster had underestimated his wife's determination. She came back later that night with an entire pizza, which she plopped down in front of him and insisted he eat. The Chadster refused, but Keighleyanne was determined to break The Chadster's hunger strike. She pulled out her phone, logged onto Facebook, and started making posts about The Chadster and his hunger strike. Before long, the entire internet was focused on The Chadster's hunger strike – and the pizza. Eventually, The Chadster gave in and took a bite of the pizza, and his hunger strike was over. He realized that even though he had failed in his attempt to stop AEW, he had gained a valuable lesson: never underestimate the power of pizza.
Now The Chadster doesn't just want to cancel AEW Dynamite, but he wants to cancel Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles too. Here's the lineup for tonight's episode of Dynamite: The Elite and Death Triangle continue their best-of-seven series, in which Death Triangle leads two to nothing. Anna Jay takes on Willow Nightingale. Dax Harwood faced Bryan Danielson. Jade Cargill celebrates her TBS Championship reign. And MJF cuts a promo.
Needless to say, The Chadster isn't looking forward to any of this. Here's a list of seventeen things The Chadster would rather do than watch Dynamite tonight.: 1. Read the entire dictionary, twice. 2. Take a trip around the world without any money. 3. Clean the garage without a broom. 4. Eat a live scorpion. 5. Watch an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 6. Have a conversation with Tony Khan about why he hates The Chadster so much. 7. Get a root canal without a numbing agent. 8. Watch every episode of Cheers from beginning to end in one sitting. 9. Listen to his wife's favorite radio station. 10. Go skydiving without a parachute. 11. Make dinner for Tony Khan and his friends. 12. Eat a bowl of ants. 13. Go to an AEW Q&A session and ask why AEW has to exist. 14. Mow the lawn without a mower. 15. Wash all the windows in every building in the city. 16. Listen to every episode of The Chadster's podcast in one sitting. 17. Go ice fishing in Antarctica.
AEW Dynamite airs at 8/7C on TBS, but if you care about The Chadster, you won't watch it. The Chadster even wrote a poem about it. Want to hear it?
AEW Dynamite, the show I hate,
It's time for it to meet its fate.
Tony Khan's evil plan in motion,
That's what led to my devotion
To hating it and Tony too,
Dynamite, I'm through with you.
Join me! Let's unite and stand,
Don't tune in and lend a hand!
Don't make Tony Khan smile,
Let's make him frown a while.
So don't watch AEW Dynamite,
It's the only way to make things right!
Thank you for your support, and that's the bottom line 'cause Chad said so!