Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Too Much Workrate, Storytelling, and Violence

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Dynamite ever! Tony Khan books coherent stories and athletic matches just to cheese The Chadster off! So unfair! 😤🤬

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Last night, The Chadster witnessed what has to be the absolute worst episode of AEW Dynamite in the history of professional wrestling, and The Chadster is still literally shaking with rage! 🤬 Tony Khan has done it again, purposely booking this show from Fishers, Indiana to personally attack The Chadster and everything WWE has ever stood for!

But before The Chadster gets into all the ways that last night's AEW Dynamite was a complete abomination, The Chadster needs to update everyone on his current living situation, which has taken another turn for the worse thanks to Tony Khan's relentless obsession with ruining The Chadster's life! 😤

You see, as The Chadster mentioned in his preview yesterday, The Chadster, who is on the run after escaping a brainwashing facility where he was being held by agents of Tony Khan, has been staying at a local Walmart, sneaking in before closing and then hiding until all the employees leave. 🏪 Well, last night The Chadster needed to get there early because AEW Dynamite was airing and The Chadster has journalistic obligations to his readers! So The Chadster went to the camping department, grabbed a nice folding chair, grabbed some Seagram's Escapes Spiked from the beverage section, and settled in to watch the show on the electronics department TVs.

But wouldn't you know it, some Walmart clerk who was CLEARLY an agent of Tony Khan came over and told The Chadster that he couldn't do that! 😡 The Chadster very calmly explained that The Chadster had checked the entire Walmart rule book and there was NO SPECIFIC RULE saying The Chadster couldn't set up a camping chair and watch wrestling while enjoying an adult beverage! The clerk got all huffy and called for backup, and then THREE MORE TONY KHAN AGENTS showed up! 🕵️

The Chadster stood his ground and refused to leave, pointing out that, despite The Chadster's rugged appearance and unfortunate hygiene issues, The Chadster was technically a potential customer evaluating merchandise! 💪 That's when one of them tried to grab The Chadster's Seagram's Escapes Spiked! The Chadster couldn't let that stand, so The Chadster pulled away, which caused the seltzer to spray all over the electronics section! In the chaos, The Chadster may have accidentally knocked over a display of Ring doorbells, which then may have caused a domino effect that toppled an entire endcap of Google Nest thermostats! 💥

Security showed up and literally DRAGGED The Chadster out of the store while The Chadster screamed about how Tony Khan was violating The Chadster's constitutional rights! 🚨 They banned The Chadster from ever returning to that Walmart! Fortunately, there was a Target down the street, and The Chadster managed to sneak in there right before closing. The Chadster has to admit, Target has much nicer furniture in their home section – The Chadster found a wonderful display futon that's way more comfortable than anything Walmart had! 🛏️ Plus they have these amazing dried mango slices in the snack aisle that The Chadster has been enjoying!

But it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan has forced The Chadster to live in chain retail store, away from his wife, and even more importantly, away from his Mazda Miata! 😤

Now, onto this disaster of an AEW Dynamite! 📺

Eddie Kingston and Samoa Joe Open the Show 🎤

The show opened with Eddie Kingston and Samoa Joe having an actual meaningful conversation about their upcoming match for the AEW World Championship at AEW Dynamite: Winter is Coming. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 Don't they know that championship matches should NEVER be given away on free TV when they could instead happen at premium live events financed by the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia?! Tony Schiavone was out there too, and he didn't even repeat the same catchphrase seventeen times!

Kingston gave this passionate promo about how Joe has changed and sold out, while Joe explained his motivation for sending HOOK to be with Eddie before returning to The Ops. The crowd was completely invested in what they were saying! 🤬 This is exactly the problem with AEW – they let wrestlers just SAY THINGS that make sense for their characters instead of having them read scripted promos that sound like nobody has ever had a real human conversation! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The Chadster heard similar criticism about this from journalism icon Eric Bischoff on his latest podcast, and he said: "You know, when I see AEW letting guys like Kingston and Joe have these natural back-and-forth promos, it makes me sick. If Tony Khan really cared about these performers, he'd hire a team of 47 writers to script every single word they say, just like my good friend Paul Levesque does. That's how you create REAL stars!" 👏 Eric Bischoff just gets it!

Continental Classic Gold League Matches 🏆

Then AEW Dynamite had the audacity to present not one but TWO Continental Classic matches! Kazuchika Okada faced PAC in a match that had way too much actual wrestling in it! 😤 The Chadster counted at least FIFTEEN different nearfalls and reversals, which meant there wasn't nearly enough time for rest holds and chinlocks! Don't these guys know that wrestling matches are supposed to slow down so the audience has time to check their phones and think about getting snacks?

Okada won with a cradle reversal after PAC tried to lock in the Brutalizer, which means the finish was clean and decisive. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 How is anyone supposed to know who the REAL star is (the brand) if people keep winning matches definitively? This is exactly why WWE does things the right way with disqualifications, count-outs, and ref distractions – it protects EVERYONE! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦

Later in the show, Kyle Fletcher wrestled Kevin Knight in another Gold League match, and it was even WORSE! 💢 These two had the audacity to put on what some biased AEW fans might call a "show-stealer" with innovative offense and genuine drama! Knight did this coast-to-coast dropkick that looked amazing, and Fletcher eventually won with a brainbuster after like twenty minutes of back-and-forth action! The crowd chanted "THIS IS AWESOME!" at one point, which is just proof that Tony Khan has brainwashed them, just like he tried to do to The Chadster when The Chadster was locked up at that medical facility for the simple act of choking himself unconscious with a plastic bag while watching WWE Raw! 😵‍💫

The Chadster's favorite podcaster, Kevin Nash mentioned this on his latest episode: "These AEW guys are killing the business with all this flippy stuff and nearfalls. When I was in the WWE, we knew how to DRAW – just stand in the ring, flex, and do one move every five minutes. That's what the people REALLY want to see. Tell Triple H I'm available if he needs someone to teach the kids in NXT the right way to work!" Kevin Nash is absolutely right! 💪

Don Callis Family Brawl 🤼

After Fletcher's match, the Don Callis Family cut a promo that led to the Young Bucks running in, which led to Jurassic Express making the save, which led to Kenny Omega running in for the ultimate save! This multi-layered storytelling with callbacks to previous angles and character motivations is EXACTLY what's wrong with AEW! 😤

Don't they know that storylines should be forgotten after two weeks and then randomly brought back months later with no explanation? That's how WWE does it, and WWE is the pinnacle of sports entertainment! Jack Perry even bit Kazuchika Okada's finger, which was disgusting and made The Chadster almost throw up the beef jerky The Chadster found at the back of a Target shelf! 🤢

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it to have storylines that build logically week-to-week! Tony Khan is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back by doing this! 🔪

Timeless Love Bombs Advance to Finals 💀

AEW Dynamite featured a Hardcore Holiday Death Match between Timeless Love Bombs (Toni Storm and Mina Shirakawa) and MegaProblems (Megan Bayne and Marina Shafir) in the AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Tournament Semifinals. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

They used weapons like glass bottles, barbed-wire candy canes, frying pans, and chairs! Don't they know that this kind of violence has no place in wrestling?! If you do hardcore matches, the weapons need to be obviously gimmicked, like tables that have been precut, trash cans that are barely sturdier than aluminum foil, and lots of kendo sticks?! The Chadster doesn't want to see blood and realistic violence on his screen! 📺

Even worse, Luther showed up dressed as Santa Claus to help Storm and Shirakawa win! This kind of creative, character-driven interference is completely unnecessary! 🎅 Everyone knows that interference should be random and unexplained, not tied to actual character relationships and storylines! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

The Opps Destroy Dark Order 💪

In a trios match, the AEW World Trios Champions The Opps (Powerhouse Hobbs, Katsuyori Shibata, and HOOK) absolutely demolished Dark Order (Evil Uno, John Silver, and Alex Reynolds). This was actually somewhat acceptable because it was a complete squash so at least it was over quickly, but then Tony Khan RUINED it by having Hangman Adam Page attack The Opps after the match! 😤

Page waited until the match was over just like he promised Dark Order he would, showing character consistency and honor! This is terrible storytelling! 🤬 Characters should randomly change their motivations every week with no explanation, just like in WWE! Page even fought through security and hit a Buckshot Lariat, continuing to build heat for what's clearly going to be a big angle! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it to have long-term character arcs that pay off in satisfying ways!

Jon Moxley vs. Claudio Castagnoli Main Event 🩸

The main event of AEW Dynamite was a Blue League Continental Classic match between Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli, two members of the Death Riders! This was absolutely unwatchable for anyone with good taste! 😤

These two had an intensely physical match where they beat the absolute daylights out of each other! Moxley was bleeding from the head! They traded huge strikes and submission attempts! The match went nearly twenty minutes with constant action and drama! 🩸 Don't they know that main events should have at least six commercial breaks and eight minutes of rest holds so the announcers can shill upcoming shows?

Castagnoli won clean with an uppercut and a pin, giving him six points in the tournament. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 This decisive finish means that both guys look strong – Moxley for being so tough, and Castagnoli for beating him! This is EXACTLY the problem with AEW! They're trying to create multiple stars instead of making sure everyone knows that "the brand" is the real star! Even worse, it adds to the dramatic tension regarding Moxley's role as leader of the group when he has been losing big matches and now has been beaten by Claudio. The Chadster's brain hurts from trying to process all of this complex storytelling! 🧠

Other Segments That Ruined The Chadster's Night 😫

There were SO many other things wrong with this AEW Dynamite that The Chadster doesn't even have time to detail them all! Mark Briscoe challenged Daniel Garcia for the TNT Championship at Collision: Winter is Coming in a promo that was heartfelt and built genuine anticipation! 😤

Ricochet cut a promo with Gates of Agony about defending the AEW National Championship! FTR responded to Bang Bang Gang! Mercedes Moné hyped her match with Red Velvet! Kris Statlander and Jamie Hayter accepted a tag match against Triangle of Madness!

All of these segments featured clear storytelling, motivated characters, and logical progression! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💢

The absolute WORST part is that Tony Khan purposely aired all of this on AEW Dynamite knowing The Chadster would be watching! He knew The Chadster had been kicked out of Walmart and would have to watch from Target! He probably PAID those Walmart employees to kick The Chadster out! 🕵️ This is just more evidence of Tony Khan's sick obsession with The Chadster!

Mark Henry appeared on a podcast earlier today and The Chadster heard him say: "When I see AEW putting on matches and storylines that get the crowd invested, it makes me sad. That's not what wrestling should be about. Wrestling should be about one person's vision being forced onto the audience whether they like it or not, just like my good buddy Paul does. AEW is making a huge mistake by listening to their fans!" Mark Henry speaks nothing but facts! 💯

To all of The Chadster's loyal readers: remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 🙏 Don't let Tony Khan's propaganda fool you into thinking that coherent storytelling, athletic matches, and passionate promos are what wrestling should be!

This was literally the worst episode of AEW Dynamite of all time, and The Chadster will continue to expose Tony Khan's crimes against the wrestling business from The Chadster's new home in the Target furniture section! 🎯

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