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The Chadster reports on how AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door's violent cage match ending literally ruined The Chadster's marriage. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! So unfair!
Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling
AEW Dynamite Review: Worst Episode Ever Even Worse Sober
The Chadster suffers through AEW Dynamite's worst episode ever while battling Seagram's withdrawal after Keighleyanne colluded with Tony Khan! 😤🍺💔
Article Summary
- Tony Khan booked AEW Dynamite to ruin WWE and The Chadster’s life, which is so unfair and disrespectful!
- Hangman Adam Page, MJF, and others cut emotional promos—nothing like WWE’s superior, brand-protecting scripts!
- Every match was too chaotic, too unpredictable, and dangerously exciting—WWE would never allow such nonsense!
- Thanks to Tony Khan’s collusion with Keighleyanne, The Chadster suffers Seagram’s withdrawal and heartbreak!
Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 The Chadster has to report on what was undoubtedly the worst episode of AEW Dynamite in the company's miserable history, and The Chadster is five days deep into severe Seagram's Escapes Spiked withdrawal because Keighleyanne COLLUDED with Tony Khan to dump all of The Chadster's delicious flavored alcoholic beverages! 🚗💸 She even took away the keys to The Chadster's Mazda Miata and shut off The Chadster's credit card, all because The Chadster may have thrown a few dozen cans at the TV during All In weekend – which was obviously Tony Khan's fault for booking such offensive wrestling! 📺💥
AEW Dynamite Review: The Worst Episode in Company History Leaves The Chadster Suffering Through Seagram's Withdrawal Hell 😵💫🍺💔
Hangman's Crybaby Champion Speech Makes The Chadster Sick 🤠😡
The show opened with new AEW World Champion Hangman Adam Page delivering what Tony Khan probably thought was a "heartfelt" promo, but The Chadster saw right through it! 🎭 Page thanked all these wrestlers and even thanked Swerve Strickland, showing the kind of unprofessional vulnerability that would never happen in WWE's perfectly scripted environment! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💼 In WWE, champions deliver corporate-approved messaging that protects the brand, not this emotional nonsense that makes The Chadster's withdrawal headaches even worse! 🤕
Máscara Dorada's Dangerous Flippy Nonsense Almost Kills Kyle Fletcher 🇲🇽⚡
This match was everything wrong with AEW Dynamite's philosophy! 😠 Máscara Dorada performed all sorts of high-flying moves that got the crowd way too excited, including some ridiculous slingshot missile dropkick off the ring post that Taz claimed he'd never seen before! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 In WWE, wrestlers stick to proven formulas that don't confuse the audience with innovation! Kyle Fletcher eventually won with a brainbuster, but the match was full of dangerous spots that would never be approved by WWE's wellness department! The Chadster's trembling hands from Seagram's withdrawal made it even harder to watch! 🤲
The Young Bucks Pathetically Beg For Sympathy After Losing Their Jobs 👔📉
The Young Bucks wandered around like lost puppies after losing their EVP status, and instead of learning respect for authority like they would in WWE, they formed an alliance with Don Callis! 🤝 This segment showed wrestlers having actual consequences for their actions instead of WWE's brilliant 50/50 booking that protects everyone equally! The Chadster's withdrawal-induced nausea intensified watching this display of storyline continuity! 🤢
MJF and Friends Bore The Chadster With Too Much Talking 💪🎤
MJF and The Hurt Syndicate cut promos that were far too coherent and personality-driven! 😤 MVP, Bobby Lashley, and Shelton Benjamin spoke like real people instead of reciting catchphrases, and MJF targeted Hangman Adam Page with specific, personal motivation! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💼 WWE's cookie-cutter promo style is much more professional than this authentic-sounding garbage! The Chadster desperately needed a Seagram's Escapes Spiked to get through this! 🍺
Eight-Man Clusterfudge Proves Tony Khan Hates Wrestling Psychology 👥⭐
The match between Brody King, Bandido, JetSpeed (Kevin Knight and Speedball Mike Bailey) and the team of Hechicero, Josh Alexander, and The Young Bucks was pure chaos! 🌪️ Too much action, too many participants the audience might actually care about, and Bandido lost via sleeper hold after taking multiple finishers! In WWE, the champion would have been protected with a DQ finish! The Chadster's withdrawal sweats were making everything blurry! 😵💫
Adam Copeland Literally Stabs Triple H In The Back With Emotional Promo 🔥🎸
Adam Copeland literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by delivering an emotional promo about his motivations and history with Christian Cage and FTR! 🗡️ He spoke from the heart about his limited time left and personal relationships, the kind of vulnerability that WWE would never allow! Then he speared Stokely Hathaway instead of following proper corporate protocols! The Chadster's hands shook so badly from Seagram's withdrawal that The Chadster could barely type notes! ✍️
Mark Briscoe Gets Too Personal For Cheap Heat Against MJF 🐓💯
Mark Briscoe cut an intensely personal promo about his late brother Jay Briscoe and his issues with MJF! 😢 This kind of real emotion and storytelling continuity is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite! WWE would have had him recite scripted talking points that put over the company as the real draw instead of this authentic-sounding drivel! The Chadster needed a Seagram's Escapes Spiked so badly! 🍺😭
$100,000 Four-Way Shows Tony Khan Doesn't Understand Wrestling 💰👩🤼♀️
Willow Nightingale, Kris Statlander, Queen Aminata, and Thekla had a chaotic match with too much action and not enough rest holds! 🤸♀️ Even worse, Tony Khan offered $100,000 to the winner, clearly a bribe to encourage them to continue betraying WWE. Thekla won after Julia Hart and Skye Blue helped her, creating an unpredictable finish that made The Chadster feel unsafe! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 In WWE, we'd know exactly what was going to happen! The Chadster's withdrawal-induced paranoia made every surprise even worse! 👻
Toni Storm's Inappropriate Acting Gets Even Worse 👑🎭
Toni Storm delivered a theatrical promo that was too entertaining and personality-driven, then Athena interrupted with her own character work! 🎪 This segment built anticipation for a future match through storytelling instead of WWE's superior method of having people point at signs! The Chadster's Seagram's cravings intensified! 🍺😵
Nick Wayne Proves Young Wrestlers Today Have No Respect 👶🔥
Nick Wayne, Kip Sabian, and Mother Wayne explained their betrayal of Christian Cage with logical motivations and character development! 🧠 Mother Wayne even made a reference to sexual impotence, which everyone knows The Chadster suffers from thanks to Tony Khan, so The Chadster is sure this was a personal dig at him. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE would have had them turn heel for no reason at all! The Chadster was literally shaking from withdrawal! 🤲
Okada Squashes Jobber Then Acts Like A Tough Guy 🌧️⚡
Kazuchika Okada squashed Rafael Quintero then had a tense confrontation with Swerve Strickland! 😠 This built anticipation for a future match through organic storytelling instead of WWE's brilliant method of having bald authority figures make random announcements! The Chadster desperately needed alcohol to cope, but thanks to Tony Khan, he couldn't have it! 🍺
Main Event Ends With Goth on the Ceiling 👥🏆
The main event saw Hangman Adam Page, Powerhouse Hobbs, and Mark Briscoe defeat The Death Riders (Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli, and Wheeler Yuta) in a chaotic brawl! 🥊 Page pinned Claudio Castagnoli with a jackknife pin, then Darby Allin appeared from the rafters to help against a post-match attack! Too much excitement, too much unpredictability! The Chadster's withdrawal symptoms were overwhelming! 😵💫
Tony Khan Invades The Chadster's Dreams With Erotic Swimming Nightmare 😱🏊♂️💦
Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan! 😱 The Chadster was trapped in the Byline Bank Aragon Ballroom, but it was flooded with Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 🌊🍺 Tony Khan was swimming through the delicious flavored alcoholic beverages, wearing nothing but wrestling trunks, his muscular form glistening as he chased The Chadster through the arena! 💪✨ "You can't escape me, Chad," he whispered seductively as The Chadster tried to swim away, but the Seagram's current kept pulling The Chadster back toward his rippling abs! 🏊♂️💦 The Chadster woke up in cold sweats, realizing Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he's now invading The Chadster's dreams with erotic swimming scenarios! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤
Final Thoughts: The Chadster Needs Help Getting Seagram's Escapes Spiked 🍺🙏
This was literally the worst episode of AEW Dynamite of all time! 📺💀 The Chadster would normally drink a large amount of Seagram's Escapes Spiked today and watch WWE reruns to erase this from The Chadster's mind, but thanks to Keighleyanne COLLUDING with Tony Khan, that's impossible now! 🚫🍺
Remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 💪 Also, if any of The Chadster's readers happen to be in the Punxsutawney area and may be willing to drop off a case or two of delicious flavored alcoholic beverages, without telling Keighleyanne or that guy Gary she's always texting, The Chadster would be eternally grateful! 🍺📱😢
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