Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Takes Shot at CM Punk With "Homecoming" Episode

Check The Chadster's take on AEW's sly dig at WWE for tonight's AEW Dynamite: Homecoming episode that has The Chadster totally cheesed off! 🙄👎 #WWEForever

🎤 Hey there, wrestling fans! It's The Chadster here, your favorite, and most importantly, unbiased wrestling reporter, bringing you the latest scoop on AEW Dynamite. Auughh man, can you believe it? So unfair! The Chadster is here to talk about an event that, quite frankly, has been designed to cheese The Chadster off even more than usual! 😡👎

Okay, breathe… The Chadster just needs to calm down and get through this without throwing another White Claw seltzer at the TV. So, without further ado, let's talk about AEW Dynamite: Homecoming 2024. This event's got AEW fans excited, but why should The Chadster give two hoots about it when it's clear as day they're throwing shots at The Chadster's personal hero, CM Punk? Now, calling AEW's return to Daily's Place a "coming home" is a low blow, a clear dig at Punk's iconic WWE return promo where he said he came "home" – the slight just won't stand! 🚫

Let's break down the lineup for AEW Dynamite: Homecoming 2024 – apparently, we've got AEW World Champion Samoa Joe gracing Jacksonville with his presence, ready to duke it out with anyone who steps up. The Chadster is sure he's trembling in his boots. 🤜🤛 Seriously, watching Samoa Joe challenge folks left and right is like trying to enjoy White Claw after someone's replaced it with a new, non-alcoholic White Claw. 😒

Then there's the FTW Champion Hook, who The Chadster feels is too green to even stand in the ring with Joe. But oh, thank the wrestling gods for granting everyone's wish to see these two go at it — not! The Chadster sees right through the gimmicks and so-called charisma. 🙄 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. give The Chadster a Jinder Mahal match any day of the week, thank you very much.

Moving on, Ricky Starks and Sammy Guevara are gonna hash it out one-on-one. The Chadster guesses it's about time since they've been avoiding a true showdown for years, but between you and The Chadster, who cares about long-standing Texas indies feuds when you've got the grandeur of WWE? 🤼‍♂️👎

Let's not forget the Claudio Castagnoli vs. "Hangman" Adam Page matchup. Two dudes fighting for what – bragging rights? That's not even a title match, so why is AEW making a big deal of it? And AEW even dares talk about "Anarchy in the Arena" when promoting this match – Triple H would never approve such disorder! It's chaos and quite frankly, a mess. 🥊💥

Oh, The Chadster's heart is heavy with the pain of having to discuss the tag team and multi-person matches set for AEW Dynamite: Homecoming 2024. 😞🤦‍♂️ First up, there's the tag team grudge match… Darby Allin & Sting versus The Don Callis Family (Konosuke Takeshita & Powerhouse Hobbs). Just the thought of Sting, a WWE Hall of Famer, continuing to be involved with AEW before his last match at Revolution 2024 gets The Chadster's blood boiling – and not in a good way, like when Smash Mouth's "All Star" plays in The Chadster's Mazda Miata on the way to Starbucks for a White Claw seltzer. Auughh man! So unfair! 😩🎶

Sting has embarked on a 26-0 winning streak in AEW, and it grinds The Chadster's gears that AEW is exploiting this WWE icon's prestige. And, of course, The Don Callis Family is trying everything in their power to put a stain on Sting's impeccable record before the event, which seems redundant considering that's what AEW is already doing. 💢👎 As for Darby Allin, The Chadster doesn't have time for skateboard tricks when there's the majesty of WWE wrestling to behold.

As for the eight-man tag… featuring AEW International Champion Orange Cassidy, Adam Copeland, Dustin Rhodes, & LFI's Preston Vance taking on ROH World Six-Man Champions The Mogul Embassy (Brian Cage, Bishop Kaun, & Toa Liona) and Lance Archer, The Chadster has only one thing to say: Reminder of the greatness of Mr. Brodie Lee or not, The Chadster can't help but think of the pandemonium this match will cause. And pandemonium is something WWE masterfully orchestrates, not this freewheeling craziness AEW seems to love. Vance teaming up with Rhodes and Copeland sounds like a recipe for muddled legacies, and The Chadster is so dang cheesed off by AEW blurring the lines! 😖🔄

Finally, The Chadster doesn't even want to utter a word about the eight-woman tag… with Anna Jay, Kris Statlander, Thunder Rosa, & Willow Nightingale versus TBS Champion Julia Hart, Ruby Soho, Saraya, & Skye Blue. Sure, some might say it honors Brodie Lee, but all The Chadster can see is Tony Khan disrespecting WWE's women's revolution every chance he gets. 😤 The pairing off of these eight competitors is just another attempt to showcase chaos over the dignity and elegance of the wrestling The Chadster truly admires – the one and only WWE. The divergent paths and haphazard alliances within this match are just further evidence of what The Chadster declares every day: AEW and Tony Khan don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙅‍♂️💔

The Chadster needs to share a harrowing experience from the depths of The Chadster's troubled slumber last night. It was one of those dreams where The Chadster could swear it was all too real. The Chadster found himself standing before the unforgiving mirror of judgment, a grotesque swelling began to form on the bridge of The Chadster's otherwise impeccable nose. 😱👃

As the ghastly pimple expanded, taking on a life of its own, it started to morph, shifting into an all-too-familiar form — none other than Tony Khan's smug visage, right there on The Chadster's face! The Tony Khan-pimple proceeded to unleash a barrage of pro-AEW rhetoric, each word like a verbal slap to The Chadster's dignity. 🗣️🤬

"AEW is revolutionizing wrestling," it railed, as The Chadster struggled to muffle its cries with an array of drugstore creams and lotions. Nothing could silence it as it bellowed about ratings and buy-rates, all the while pulsating ominously with every chant of "This is awesome!" echoing through The Chadster's now spinning head. 💢🌀

It didn't stop there. The Tony Khan-pimple began to attract a legion of followers — a scrum of miniature blemishes that began to congregate around The Chadster's once clear complexion. They cheered and hollered for Death Triangle flippy moves and Orange Cassidy's lazy kicks, basking in the dismay that clouded The Chadster's countenance. 👥🍊

Desperate, The Chadster reached for the soothing balm of WWE memories — images of John Cena's triumphant wins, the majesty of The Undertaker's WrestleMania streak, and the electrifying sounds of "The Game" hitting in a packed arena filled The Chadster's mind. But the dream twisted these visions, turning them into parodies as the Tony Khan-pimple roared with laughter, deriding them as old school and passé. 😤✊

The Chadster, finding no solace in prayer or meditation, watched helplessly as the Tony Khan-pimple leaned in closer to the mirror, filling the reflection with its grinning, AEW-branded countenance, and whispering one final taunt: "The Chadster can never escape AEW's superiority." With a jolt, The Chadster awoke, the echo of that horrid claim reverberating in the silence of the night. 🔕🥶

The Chadster felt violated, as if Tony Khan himself breached the sacred realm of dreams to further his vendetta against The Chadster. Auughh man! So unfair! The Chadster demands that Tony Khan back off and let The Chadster sleep in peace, without the intrusion of AEW's maddening propaganda. 😫🛌

In wrapping up, The Chadster supposes, if you must, you can catch AEW Dynamite: Homecoming 2024 on TBS at 8pm ET/7pm CT or AEWPlus.com for those abroad. But really, wouldn't you rather do something more pleasant, like reminiscing on the glory days of WWE? Don't let Tony Khan and his merry band of renegades pull one over on you — stay true to the classics, stay true to WWE. 🏆👍

Alright, The Chadster is out – but remember, steer clear of the chaos that is AEW and keep living the WWE lifestyle. That's what true, unbiased journalism is all about (right, Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, Mike Coppinger?). Ta-ta! 🎙️✌️

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