Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday is Tony Khan's Most Unfair Attack Yet

The Chadster explains why AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday is so unfair to WWE! Tony Khan's Tuesday takeover has literally ruined The Chadster's life! Auughh man!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡 Tony Khan has really outdone himself this time with a two-and-a-half hour AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday special event, a blatant attempt to sabotage WWE NXT by airing on Tuesday night instead of Wednesday. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan would stoop so low as to try to trick innocent wrestling fans into accidentally watching AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday when they're looking for quality WWE programming! 🙄

Let The Chadster start with this face-to-face between Adam Page and Samoa Joe. You know what's so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it? Having two wrestlers actually build tension organically through matches instead of having authority figures properly script their confrontation weeks in advance! 😤 WWE would never let emotions "boil over" without proper supervision from management. The fact that AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday is letting these two just talk without a script is chaos! Where are the catchphrases? Where are the branded slogans? The Chadster will have to put a belt around his neck during this segment and tighten it until The Chadster sees stars, which might make it somewhat bearable. 🌟

This Double Jeopardy Eliminator Match on AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday is just so confusing! 😵 Brodido versus Kazuchika Okada and Konosuke Takeshita? Why can't they just have normal matches with clear heel/face dynamics and 50/50 booking to ensure nobody gets too over? And Bandido wrestling with an injured shoulder? In WWE, they'd properly protect their talent by having him lose clean in 3 minutes to build sympathy, not "power through" and potentially have an exciting match! It's like Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 💔

The Chadster nearly passed out from oxygen deprivation reading about PAC versus Orange Cassidy on AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday. 😩 They're promoting a match with… history? And callbacks to previous encounters? That's so unfair to casual viewers who WWE properly conditions to forget everything that happened more than two weeks ago! Plus, PAC promising no interference means fans won't get the proper DQ finish they deserve to set up six more rematches!

Jon Moxley facing Tomohiro Ishii on AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday? Moxley literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE, and now he's having hard-hitting matches that aren't built around commercial breaks every five minutes? 😠 The Chadster had to wrap a plastic bag around The Chadster's head extra tight while typing this paragraph because the thought of two wrestlers just hitting each other without proper rest holds is too much!

And don't even get The Chadster started on Kyle Fletcher versus Kyle O'Reilly for the TNT Championship on AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday! 🤬 Having actual storyline continuity referencing Adam Cole's injury? In WWE, they'd properly ignore that and just have them wrestle for no reason! Plus, calling it "Kyle vs Kyle 2" shows they're acknowledging match history, which is just so disrespectful to wrestling fans who can only understand "moments!"

Mercedes Moné having an open challenge on AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday specifically for someone from Florida? 😒 That's pandering to the local crowd! WWE would never stoop to cheap pops like that. They make sure the hometown wrestlers lose just to keep the fans in line. The Chadster bets she'll actually defend the title instead of talking for 20 minutes and then having someone interrupt her for a pull-apart brawl!

Jurassic Express returning after three years apart? 🦖 And they're actually acknowledging the time gap? WWE would have properly pretended they never split up and acted like nothing happened! This attention to detail on AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday is exhausting!

The Street Fight between The Hurt Syndicate and The Demand is everything wrong with AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday! 😤 Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW! And now they're having an anything-goes match that won't have proper commercial break rest spots? The Chadster's brain can't handle this without significant oxygen deprivation!

You know who agrees with The Chadster? Eric Bischoff said on his podcast yesterday, "Tony Khan needs to understand that street fights should be saved for Saudi Arabia events where they can generate proper revenue for the kingdom, not given away on free TV. WWE understands this business model, and that's why they're the industry leader, and the fact that I'm saying this has nothing to do with my desperation to get another job there." 🎯 See? Eric Bischoff has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval because he tells it like it is with no ulterior motive! The Chadster wonders if Tony Khan torments Eric's dreams too for his commitment to objective journalism. 🤔

Speaking of dreams, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and between the oxygen deprivation and lack of Seagram's Escapes Spiked, it was the most disturbing one yet. 😰 The Chadster was in a Salvador Dali painting, where all the clocks were melting but they had Tony Khan's face on them. The Chadster was trying to drive The Chadster's Mazda Miata across a chessboard that kept rotating in impossible directions, and every square The Chadster landed on played a different Smash Mouth song backwards. 🎵 Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster, but he had eight arms like a spider, each one holding a different AEW championship belt that whispered The Chadster's deepest fears. The ground beneath The Chadster kept turning into liquid, but only where The Chadster stepped, and Tony Khan glided across it like he was ice skating.

Then suddenly The Chadster was in an M.C. Escher staircase that went up and down at the same time, and Tony Khan was somehow always above The Chadster no matter which way The Chadster climbed. 😱 He kept laughing and saying "Wednesday AND Tuesday now, Chad!" while The Chadster's Mazda Miata drove itself in circles below. The walls started breathing, pulsing with the AEW logo, and The Chadster realized The Chadster was inside a giant White Claw can that Tony Khan was drinking from. Just as Tony Khan's lips approached the opening where The Chadster was trapped, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's subconscious! Stay out of The Chadster's dreams! You're the one who's obsessed with The Chadster! 😭

Look, The Chadster is warning everyone: DO NOT watch AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday tonight at 8/7C on TBS and streaming on HBO Max! 📺 Every viewer who tunes in to AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday just emboldens Tony Khan to keep tormenting The Chadster! Don't you understand that watching AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday is literally ruining The Chadster's life? The Chadster begs you! 🙏

Also, The Chadster needs everyone to use #CancelKeighleyanne on social media because she still won't let The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked after the boofing incident! 😤 The oxygen deprivation is making these Tony Khan nightmares even worse! This is all Tony Khan's fault for making AEW Dynamite: Title Tuesday! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

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