Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Tony Khan's War on REAL Wrestling Continues

The Chadster endured another traumatic AEW Dynamite filled with actual wrestling moves and coherent storylines! Tony Khan just doesn't understand the business AT ALL! 😫

AEW Dynamite was on TBS last night, and The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off about having to watch it. 😡 Tony Khan just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and this episode proved it once again. 😤 The Chadster had to suffer through two hours of this literal torture so The Chadster's loyal readers don't have to. Let The Chadster break down all the ways AEW Dynamite disrespected the wrestling business. 🙄

AEW Dynamite opened with AEW World Champion Jon Moxley facing Katsuyori Shibata. This match was just so unrealistic. 😒 They were trading strikes and doing chain wrestling instead of proper sports entertainment rest holds and chinlocks like WWE would have done. Moxley won with a rear naked choke after an eye rake, getting a decisive victory in a relatively short time. 🤢 Where were the 50/50 booking and distraction roll-ups? That's REAL wrestling, Tony Khan! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

After the match, The Young Bucks came out and started talking about screwing over Swerve Strickland at the PPV to help Adam Page and offering an alliance with Moxley's Death Riders. Then Kenny Omega arrived, followed by Kazuchika Okada and Swerve. 😠

This segment was just way too complex with too many storylines intersecting. WWE would never confuse viewers like this! They'd just have someone come out, say "I want a match," and that would be it, because in real sports, the teams just show up and decide who they're gonna play that same day. Simple and effective! Tony Khan literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by having wrestlers with actual motivations and complex relationships. 😤 The Chadster bets Eric Bischoff would agree, as he recently said on his podcast, "AEW's biggest problem is they think wrestling fans have attention spans longer than goldfish, which is totally not true. Just look at WWE's ratings success with 'Guy A fights Guy B because reasons' storytelling! People respect WWE as a brand, so they don't have to care about the characters, and that makes wrestling better for everyone." 💯

PAC attacked Swerve, leading to an impromptu match that Swerve won with his Swerve Stomp. 😒 This match was way too athletic and fast-paced. Where were the rest periods? Where were the commercial break bear hugs? It's like Tony Khan doesn't even know how to pace a wrestling match properly! Then the match had to end early because PAC injured his ankle! 😫 PAC would have been so much safer if he never left WWE, not just because their practices are safer, but because they probably wouldn't use him that much because, frankly, he's too small for WWE.

Will Ospreay, Mike Bailey, Mark Briscoe, and Kevin Knight defeated Ricochet, The Beast Mortos, Action Andretti, and Lio Rush in what The Chadster can only describe as an offensive display of athleticism. 😠 Everyone knows real wrestling matches should have predictable offense and momentum shifts every 3 minutes exactly to best work around commercial breaks. This match had way too many spectacular moves that got the crowd excited. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business. 🤮

The Hurt Syndicate had a celebration that MJF interrupted, trying to join their group. The Chadster couldn't believe that Tony Khan would just let a storyline develop naturally rather than have a General Manager make the decision. 😤 Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin refusing MJF but MVP seeming open to it is just the kind of nuanced character work that WWE would never waste time on! Tony Khan is just so obsessed with trying to cheese The Chadster off. 😫

The Owen Hart tournament match between Kris Statlander and Thunder Rosa was another example of Tony Khan completely misunderstanding wrestling. 😒 The match went way too long and had Toni Storm on commentary making clever remarks when she should have been interrupting the match! In WWE, tournament matches are properly booked by taking place in Saudi Arabia and being designed to launder the country's human rights reputation. 🙄 Instead, AEW just let these two athletes have a competitive match with Statlander winning clean with her finisher? How boring! 😫

Chris Jericho showed some actual character development with Big Bill and Bryan Keith, with Bill standing up to Jericho. 😠 The Chadster was furious seeing this nuanced approach to heel dynamics instead of just having everyone get along until a sudden betrayal for no reason. It's like Tony Khan thinks wrestling fans have functioning brains or something! 🙄

Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta faced HOOK and Samoa Joe, with Hook and Joe winning. Then there was a post-match attack leading to a challenge for the Trios titles. 🤮 This match had way too much intensity and realistic fighting. Where were the comedy spots? Where was the 24/7 championship chase through the match? Tony Khan literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by having a serious tag team match with consequences. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Last night, The Chadster had another one of those nightmares about Tony Khan. 😰

The Chadster was in the backstage area of an AEW Dynamite, but somehow The Chadster was naked, his ripped 12-pack abs glistening, except for a White Claw koozie covering The Chadster's unmentionables. The Chadster was trying to find the exit, but every door The Chadster opened just led to another room filled with cheering AEW fans who kept chanting "This is wrestling!"

Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared wearing nothing but Jon Moxley's leather jacket and holding a steel chair covering up his nads. He started chasing The Chadster through the arena while yelling booking ideas that made no sense to The Chadster but somehow got massive pops from the crowd. The Chadster's legs felt like they were moving through molasses.

Tony Khan cornered The Chadster in the ring and whispered, "I'm going to book this company exactly how you hate it, Chad. Long-term storytelling. Athletic matches. Multiple interweaving storylines. And there's nothing you can do to stop me." Then he slowly raised the chair…

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 😭 Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's so unprofessional and shows how obsessed he is with The Chadster! 😤

AEW Dynamite this week was yet another example of how Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. The show had too much wrestling, too many complex storylines, and not enough sports entertainment. 🙄

The Chadster drove home in his Mazda Miata after watching this disaster, blasting Smash Mouth's "All Star" to cleanse The Chadster's palate of the AEW stench. As the lyrics "Hey now, you're an all-star" played, The Chadster wondered why AEW can't just book proper stars instead of these indie darlings who do too many flips. 😤

It's just so obvious that Tony Khan is booking AEW Dynamite specifically to cheese off The Chadster, and that's just so unfair! 😫 The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, and Tony Khan's personal vendetta against The Chadster is completely unprofessional. 😭

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