Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Unbiased Review: Pure Torture for True Wrestling Fans

The Chadster suffered through another episode of AEW Dynamite where Tony Khan clearly booked everything to cheese off real wrestling fans. So disrespectful to the business! 😤🍹

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 The Chadster had to sit through another episode of AEW Dynamite last night, and The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off about it. 😡 Tony Khan continues to book his show in ways that are specifically designed to upset The Chadster, and last night's AEW Dynamite was no exception. 🙄

AEW Dynamite: The Show Opens With Nonsense

AEW Dynamite started with Cope arriving in an ambulance, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠 Using ambulances as transportation instead of for legitimate medical emergencies? Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🚑

Then we had MJF getting his tattoo removed in a pre-taped segment before confronting Hangman Adam Page. 😒 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is trying to create compelling character arcs instead of having wrestlers repeat the same catchphrases for years. This kind of long-term storytelling is just not how wrestling should be done! 📉

The Matches Were Terrible (Because They Weren't WWE)

Hangman Adam Page vs. Aaron Solo was just Hangman winning quickly, which is not how WWE would book it. 😤 In WWE, the match would have had at least three commercial breaks and ended with a distraction roll-up. That's how you do wrestling right! 💯

Then there was Will Ospreay vs. Bryan Keith in what people were calling a "great match." 🙄 The Chadster couldn't enjoy it because Ospreay was doing too many flips and amazing moves that made the crowd react with enthusiasm. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business to have exciting matches that get the fans invested! 😠 The crowd was even chanting "This is awesome," which they never do for matches in WWE that are actually good. 👎

The Outrunners scored an upset win over The Murder Machines, which just proves that Tony Khan doesn't understand tag team wrestling. In WWE, tag teams are formed and broken up within weeks for no reason – that's how you create lasting tag team memories! 🏆

AEW Dynamite: More Nonsensical Booking

Then there was all this stuff with Swerve Strickland and Ricochet, who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW. 🔪 They're setting up a match at Revolution with the winner becoming #1 contender for the world title. This kind of clear, logical path to championship opportunities is just not how wrestling should be done! 🙄

And don't get The Chadster started on the trios match with Daniel Garcia & FTR against The Undisputed Kingdom. 😤 The Chadster couldn't believe Tony Khan would book a match with six talented wrestlers and let them actually wrestle for more than five minutes. So disrespectful! 🤬

Death Riders vs. Cope and Friends: More Chaotic Nonsense

The Chadster can't believe AEW Dynamite included a segment where Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta of the Death Riders were hunting down Cope. 😠 They had a wild brawl where Jay White came in to help Cope against the odds, which is just so unrealistic. In WWE, heels never help other heels unless there's a confusing faction realignment that gets dropped in two weeks! 🙄

Then Jon Moxley showed up to pull Yuta away, and Willow Nightingale appeared and hit Marina Shafir with a con-chair-to! 😤 Having a popular babyface like Willow do a violent move that gets the crowd excited following weeks of buildup where Shafir attacked Willow backstage is literally everything that's wrong with AEW. 👎 The whole segment was chaotic and memorable, which is not what wrestling should be! 🤬

Harley Cameron upset Deonna Purrazzo, which just doesn't make any sense. In WWE, wrestlers get paired with managers and then immediately turn on them after losing one match – that's storytelling! 📚

The main event with Konosuke Takeshita vs. Orange Cassidy was the worst offense of all. 😡 They had a competitive match where both wrestlers looked strong even though Takeshita won. So unfair! In WWE, one of them would have been squashed in 2 minutes while commentary talked about something else entirely. 🎙️

Tony Khan's Personal Vendetta Against The Chadster

Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan, and it was definitely inspired by AEW Dynamite. 😱 In the dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through an empty arena, when suddenly the lights went out. When they came back on, Tony Khan was in the passenger seat wearing Orange Cassidy's sunglasses! 🕶️

"Ready for a con-chair-to, Chadster?" Tony whispered, pulling two steel chairs from the back seat. The Chadster tried to escape, but every exit door had Cope standing guard with an ambulance behind him. 🚑

Tony Khan chased The Chadster through the arena's backstage area, swinging those chairs while "All Star" by Smash Mouth played distortedly over the PA system. The Chadster's legs felt like they were moving through molasses as Tony got closer and closer. 😰

When Tony finally cornered The Chadster in what looked like Jon Moxley's locker room, he raised the chairs above his head and said, "This isn't WWE programming, Chadster. This is real wrestling. This is for the sickos." The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, with Keighleyanne asking why The Chadster was screaming "Triple H save me!" at 3 AM. 😭

Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's completely unprofessional for the owner of a wrestling company to psychologically torture wrestling journalists this way! 🤯

AEW Dynamite: The Aftermath

After AEW Dynamite ended, The Chadster was so upset that he threw his White Claw seltzer at the TV. 🍹 When Keighleyanne came in and saw the mess, she just sighed.

"Are you going to clean that up?" she asked, not even looking up from her phone.

"Keighleyanne, can't you see that Tony Khan MADE The Chadster throw that White Claw? He should be the one cleaning it up!" The Chadster explained reasonably. 😤

"I'm so tired of this, Chad. It's a TV show. Just don't watch it if it makes you this upset," she said, furiously texting that guy Gary.

"Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan has even turned The Chadster's own wife against him!" The Chadster cried out, but Keighleyanne had already walked away. 📱

As wrestling journalist Bully Ray so eloquently said on Busted Open Radio last week, "AEW is just serving pizza to people who want pizza when they should be forcing them to eat hamburgers because that's what WWE does." Such wisdom that Tony Khan refuses to acknowledge! 🍕

The Chadster will be back next week to objectively review another episode of AEW Dynamite, but The Chadster doesn't know how much more of Tony Khan's personal vendetta The Chadster can take. 😩 It's literally destroying The Chadster's marriage, his Mazda Miata's upholstery (from all the White Claw spills), and most importantly, the wrestling business! 💔

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