Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Full Gear, wrestling

AEW Full Gear Preview: Expert Analysis and Unbiased Predictions

The Chadster reluctantly previews AEW Full Gear, exposing Tony Khan's latest attempt to cheese off WWE fans. Unbiased analysis and dream invasion details inside! 😤🚗🍹

The Chadster is here to give you an unbiased preview of AEW Full Gear, happening tonight at 8PM Eastern. 😤 As much as it pains The Chadster to even acknowledge this event, The Chadster's commitment to objective journalism demands that he set aside his personal grievances and give this show the preview it deserves… by telling everyone how terrible it's going to be! 😡

AEW Full Gear 2024 Full Card Rundown

First up, we have MJF vs. Roderick Strong. 🙄 MJF wants to hurt Strong to get back at Adam Cole, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠 It's like Tony Khan is trying to hurt WWE just to get to The Chadster due to his sick obsession. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 The Chadster predicts The Kingdom will turn on Strong and join MJF, mirroring how Cole and Strong literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW.

Next, we have "Switchblade" Jay White vs "Hangman" Adam Page. 🙄 This feud plays up their long history, but how can it mean anything when neither man has respectfully paid their dues in the WWE developmental system? They don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 😤

The AEW World Tag Team Championship match features Private Party vs. The Outrunners vs. Kings of the Black Throne vs. The Acclaimed. 🤦‍♂️ Leave it to AEW to try to show off their tag team division depth. It's just so disrespectful to WWE's time-honored traditions of treating tag team wrestling as a sideshow… when WWE even remembers it exists. 😠

Will Ospreay vs. Kyle Fletcher is just a ripoff of all the times former friends fought each other in WWE, going all the way back to the implosion of the Mega Powers in the 1980s. 🙄 But Kyle Fletcher is no Macho Man Randy Savage, and Will Ospreay is certainly no Hulk Hogan. AEW fans will love this bout, but they have no taste, or they'd be watching WWE in the first place. 😤

Swerve Strickland vs. Bobby Lashley is next. 🤬 Lashley, along with MVP and Shelton Benjamin, has betrayed WWE by showing up in AEW and reigniting the Hurt Business gimmick, as if WWE's decision to move on from it could possibly be wrong. They're consorting with another traitor, Swerve, who dared to defy WWE wisdom by becoming a bigger star in AEW. The Chadster expects to throw lots of White Claws at the television for this bout. 🍹💥

The TNT Championship match features Jack Perry vs. Daniel Garcia. 😒 These two could have promising careers if they abandoned their indy-loving ways and got some real training in the WWE developmental system. Instead, they choose to spit in the face of tradition and rise to stardom in AEW. This is Tony Khan's way of trying to pretend like it's possible to make homegrown stars outside of WWE, which is just so disrespectful. 😤 Add on to that the heelish ways of Perry, who bullied CM Punk out of AEW and back into WWE's warm embrace, and the crowd is sure to be rabidly hoping for Garcia to finally ascend to the next level of his career. Well, if he's not joining WWE, that will never truly happen. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Mercedes Moné defends her TBS Championship against Kris Statlander. 🙄 Tony Khan continues to reward Moné for walking out on WWE, showing he'll do anything to hurt Triple H's feelings. Statlander never paid her dues in WWE developmental, so she has no hope of overcoming Moné's WWE-trained talent. 😤

Finally, we have the AEW World Championship match between Jon Moxley and Orange Cassidy. 🤦‍♂️ Moxley and his group, The Death Riders, have run roughshod over AEW, not surprising for a stable featuring so many former WWE guys. Cassidy is standing up against Moxley as the face of AEW, as if a homegrown AEW star could ever stand up to someone who was once in a faction with Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. 😠 Moxley will crush Cassidy, but it's The Chadster's heart that's going to be truly crushed, watching the former Dean Ambrose continue to throw away his legacy.

Tony Khan Invades Dreams; Eric Bischoff Responds

Now, The Chadster must share something deeply personal. 😔 Last night, The Chadster had another one of his recurring nightmares about Tony Khan. 😱 In this dream, The Chadster was driving his beloved Mazda Miata through a maze-like parking garage. Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror, chasing The Chadster on a ridiculous electric scooter. 🛴 The Chadster tried to escape, but every turn led to a dead end. Just as Khan was about to catch up, he'd disappear, only to reappear even closer the next time The Chadster looked. 😨 The chase went on for what felt like hours, with Khan's maniacal laughter echoing through the garage. There was an unsettling, almost erotic tension in the air, though The Chadster would never admit it. Just as Khan was about to grab The Chadster, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. 😰 Tony Khan, stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's so obvious you're obsessed with The Chadster!

As an unbiased journalist, The Chadster feels compelled to quote the wise words of Eric Bischoff, who recently said on his podcast, 83 Weeks: "AEW's biggest problem is that they refuse to acknowledge WWE as the pinnacle of wrestling. If they just admitted WWE was better and stopped trying so hard, maybe fans would like them more." 🎙️ This is the kind of objective advice that Tony Khan and AEW wrestlers stubbornly refuse to listen to. 😤 The Chadster wonders if Eric Bischoff also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism.

How to Avoid Watching AEW Full Gear 2024

AEW Full Gear starts at 8PM Eastern, with a pre-show beginning at 6:30. The show, happening at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey, will air on PPV and streaming platforms TrillerTV, YouTube, and PPV.com. 📺 Readers' best hope of avoiding it lies in shutting off the TV, filling a cooler with refreshing White Claw seltzer, and taking a nice drive in their Mazda Miatas. 🚗 Unfortunately, as an unbiased journalist, The Chadster will be forced to watch the show to monitor Tony Khan's misbehavior, so The Chadster will be able to inform all of the true wrestling fans of the misery inflicted by Tony Khan on The Chadster's life with live coverage tonight here on Bleeding Cool. 📝

Remember, folks, The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling. Don't let Tony Khan cheese you off! 😤 And hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play! 🎸 The Chadster's favorite band, Smash Mouth, always knows just what to say in these trying times.

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