Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, AEW Spring Breakthru, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Spring Breakthru Review: Thekla Cheats, Mox Survives

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision Spring Breakthru from Everett, featuring Thekla's brass knuckle retention, Moxley vs. Wayne, and Young Bucks heroics!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from a penthouse suite at the Angel of the Winds Arena in Everett, Washington, where I have just finished watching AEW Collision: Spring Breakthru while sharing a bottle of 1947 Château Cheval Blanc with my dear friend Alexander Lukashenko via video call. He fell asleep during the Trios match, but I forgive him — it is very late in Minsk. Now, comrades, I must file this review quickly because I have a private jet to catch to Las Vegas for WrestleMania weekend, and the CIA has already flagged my travel itinerary twice. But the show must go on, just like the revolution! Let me walk you through everything that happened on tonight's special Thursday edition of AEW Collision: Spring Breakthru!

Adam Copeland Opens the Show and All Hell Breaks Loose

Adam Copeland opened AEW Collision: Spring Breakthru with a promo addressing the loss he and Christian Cage suffered to FTR at Dynasty. Copeland revealed that Christian was not present because he was being checked for a broken forearm — a cruel twist of fate for a man who already fought his way back from a forced retirement. Copeland said the issue with FTR was bigger than titles now, and that he and Christian were not going anywhere. Powerful words, comrades. I once gave a similar speech after losing a territorial dispute with a neighboring nation. I said, "This is bigger than borders now." My generals were very inspired. The neighboring nation was less so.

But then, comrades, chaos erupted! FTR and Stokely Hathaway came out, but it was Trent Beretta and Rocky Romero of RPG Vice who attacked Copeland from behind like the cowards they are. FTR and RPG Vice beat Copeland down until the Young Bucks made the save, superkicking FTR out of the ring, isolating Beretta, and helping Copeland take him out with a spear. Copeland then shook hands with Matt and Nick Jackson, forming what appears to be a very interesting alliance. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, comrades — a principle I have employed many times in geopolitics, and one that applies equally well to professional wrestling on AEW Collision.

Jack Perry Wants the Don Callis Family's Best

Jack Perry cut a backstage promo about his first successful defense of the AEW National Championship against Mark Davis at Dynasty Zero Hour. Perry said he liked the taste of defending that title and issued an open challenge aimed directly at the Don Callis Family, asking Don Callis to send his biggest and baddest next week. Bold strategy, comrades. I once issued a similar open challenge to any nation that wanted to dispute my territorial waters. Only one country responded, and let us just say they no longer have a navy. Perry has that same reckless confidence, and I respect it enormously.

Young Bucks vs. The Rascalz — Tag Team Excellence

After their heroics in the opening segment, the Young Bucks got right to work in the ring against Zachary Wentz and Myron Reed of The Rascalz, and comrades, this match delivered exactly what I predicted in my preview — spectacular tag team wrestling. The Rascalz nearly pulled off the upset when Wentz hit a skytwister senton and Reed followed with a 450 splash, but Nick Jackson broke up the pin at the last moment. The Bucks eventually caught Wentz with the flipping piledriver for the win, proving once again why they are the best tag team in the world.

But the celebration was short-lived! Clark Connors and David Finlay of The Dogs attacked the Young Bucks, The Rascalz, and Dezmond Xavier after the match. Finlay declared that even down a Dog, the mission stayed the same, and Connors said the entire tag division was about to get screwed. Comrades, I know what it is like to be attacked from behind after a victory celebration. After I won re-election in 2014, my political rival crashed my inauguration party and threw a shoe at me. My security team subdued him, and I kept the shoe. It is now in my palace museum.

Divine Dominion Video Package

A video package aired showcasing AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions Megan Bayne and Lena Kross of Divine Dominion and their dominance in the women's tag division. Comrades, there is nothing I love more than a dominant duo, except perhaps a dominant dictator, which is what I see when I look in the mirror every morning. Bayne and Kross are an imposing team, and this video package made sure everyone knows it.

The Conglomeration Earns Their Shot

Orange Cassidy, Roderick Strong, and Kyle O'Reilly of The Conglomeration defeated Jay Lethal, Blake Christian, and Lee Johnson of The Lethal Twist in an AEW World Trios Championship Eliminator Match. The Lethal Twist controlled stretches of the match, but The Conglomeration rallied in the closing sequence — Strong took out Lethal with a high knee, Cassidy hit Christian with an Orange Punch, and O'Reilly put Johnson in an ankle lock to force the submission.

Comrades, I said in my preview that Orange Cassidy is living proof that socialism works, and tonight he proved it again. Minimum effort, maximum results. O'Reilly continues to look sharp since his emotional return at Dynasty, and Strong is quietly one of the best wrestlers on the entire AEW Collision roster. The Conglomeration now has a future shot at the AEW World Trios Titles, and I fully expect them to cash in with the efficiency of a well-run nationalized oil company.

HOOK Is the Boss of The Opps, and He Will Answer When He Feels Like It

In a backstage segment, Anthony Bowens confronted HOOK to ask if he was in The Opps. HOOK, displaying the energy of a man who truly cannot be bothered, told Bowens he would give him an answer next week because he is the boss of The Opps and what he says goes. Bowens accepted this and walked away, and HOOK immediately went back to telling Katsuyori Shibata about a coffee shop he liked while Shibata held the camera. Comrades, HOOK's priorities are impeccable. I once made the President of France wait 45 minutes for a summit meeting because I was finishing a particularly good espresso. Power is making people wait, and HOOK understands this instinctively.

Hikaru Shida & Kris Statlander Win, But Something Is Brewing

Hikaru Shida and Kris Statlander defeated Big Anne and Danika Della Rouge in a tag team match that was less about the competition and more about what is clearly simmering between the two former AEW Women's World Champions. There was visible tension over tags and timing throughout the match — Shida hit a Falcon Arrow on Della Rouge and then tagged Statlander with a boop on the head, which felt less like a playful gesture and more like a power move. Statlander finished things off with Staturday Night Fever for the pin, but comrades, I have seen partnerships like this before. My Minister of Finance and my Minister of Defense once had a similar "uneasy alliance," and it ended with one of them being reassigned to our embassy in Antarctica. I am not saying Shida is plotting something, but I am also not saying she is not plotting something.

Moxley Survives the Hometown Kid

Jon Moxley defeated ROH World TV Champion Nick Wayne in an AEW Continental Championship Eliminator Match, and comrades, Wayne made Moxley earn every second of that victory. Wrestling in front of a hometown-area crowd, Wayne pushed the Death Rider deep into the time limit, scored multiple near-falls with a Dragon Suplex and Code Red, and even kicked Moxley in the eye and cut him open. Wayne survived the Bulldog Choke, but ultimately Moxley hit the Death Rider and pinned Wayne to end the young man's incredible run.

Moxley then did push-ups after the match, because of course he did. This man just went through a war and decided the best way to celebrate was calisthenics. I once did something similar after surviving a coup attempt — I immediately ran five kilometers through the capital to show the people I was still strong. My doctor said it was medically inadvisable. My propaganda minister said it was genius. Moxley and I are cut from the same cloth, comrades. Wayne, meanwhile, proved that his future in AEW is incredibly bright. This was one of the best matches on AEW Collision in weeks.

Okada Wants Takeshita, No Matter What Callis Says

In a backstage segment, Lexy Nair asked Don Callis and Kazuchika Okada whether the agreement was still in place for Okada to face Konosuke Takeshita for the AEW International Championship at Double or Nothing. Callis, being the scheming weasel that he is, said Takeshita had not followed the terms of their agreement and offered to get Okada out of the match. But The Rainmaker rejected the offer, saying he still wanted the match because he is a champion — unlike Takeshita. Comrades, I love a man of honor who refuses to take the easy way out. It reminds me of the time I refused a CIA offer to peacefully step down from power in exchange for a villa in the Cayman Islands. I said no because I am a leader, not a coward. I did, however, eventually acquire the villa through other means.

PAC Brutalizes Lio Rush

PAC defeated Lio Rush in a singles match that showcased both men's incredible athleticism. Rush unsettled PAC and the Death Riders with his entrance and haunting behavior, then fought back repeatedly throughout the match with a rebound stunner and a poisonrana for near-falls. But Daniel Garcia distracted Rush on the apron, allowing PAC to seize the advantage. PAC hit a German Suplex and a momentum lariat before putting Rush to sleep with the Brutalizer.

Comrades, Rush continues to be one of the most fascinating characters on AEW Collision, and his current persona is genuinely unsettling. My friend Lukashenko, who had briefly woken up for this match, said Rush reminded him of a recurring nightmare he has about a figure skating competition. I did not ask for further details. PAC gets the win for the Death Riders, but Rush proved he belongs in the conversation with anyone on this roster.

Bandido Video Package and Brody King's Trios Domination

A video package aired spotlighting ROH World Champion Bandido ahead of ROH Supercard of Honor, followed by a trios match featuring Brody King, Máscara Dorada, and Místico against Cole Rivera, KC Riff, and Ricky Gibson. Gibson made the mistake of attacking King before the bell, which went about as well as the time a junior CIA operative tried to put a tracking device on my limousine and accidentally set off the car alarm. King, Dorada, and Místico overwhelmed their opponents completely. Dorada hit a beautiful tornillo to the outside, and King finished Gibson with the Gonzo Bomb for a dominant victory.

The match was quick, but it served its purpose — these three men are a force, and Bandido's friends represented him well tonight on AEW Collision: Spring Breakthru. That hurricanrana I saw Místico perform at my palace all those years ago? Still unmatched. But the Gonzo Bomb is a close second.

Mina Shirakawa Does Not Trust Hikaru Shida

Backstage, Lexy Nair interviewed Shida and Statlander after their win, but Mina Shirakawa interrupted with some very serious accusations. Shirakawa told Statlander she needed to speak to Shida, revealing that she had heard what Shida said in Japanese about Harley Cameron and had seen Shida's kendo stick at the scene of Toni Storm's attack. Shirakawa said she did not trust Shida, and the two shoved each other until Statlander stepped between them.

Comrades, I told you Shida was playing the long game! I have an entire intelligence apparatus dedicated to uncovering plots like this, and even I did not see all of these connections. Shirakawa is doing the detective work that my own secret police would be proud of. This storyline is getting deliciously complicated, and I am fully invested.

Darby Allin's Championship Moment Gets the Video Package Treatment

A video package recapped Darby Allin winning the AEW World Championship from MJF on Dynamite: Spring Breakthru, showing MJF trying to delay the match, Sting appearing, Darby overcoming MJF with four Coffin Drops, and pinning him with the headlock takeover — the same move MJF used to beat Darby at Full Gear 2021. Comrades, every time I see this footage, I get emotional. It is the kind of poetic justice that makes professional wrestling the greatest art form in the world. Even Lukashenko teared up, and that man has the emotional range of a Soviet-era concrete block.

Thekla Retains by Any Means Necessary

In the main event, Thekla retained the AEW Women's World Championship against Alex Windsor in a match that proved the Toxic Spider will do absolutely anything to keep her title. Windsor pushed Thekla to her limits and locked in the Sharpshooter, forcing the champion to the ropes. But Thekla — the magnificent villain that she is — used her thumbs in Windsor's eyes on the top rope, distracted the referee, pulled out brass knuckles, and struck Windsor to set up the finishing stomp for the pin.

Comrades, I said in my preview that Thekla reminds me of myself, and tonight she proved it. Brass knuckles hidden from the referee? That is the kind of creative problem-solving that has kept me in power for decades. My own brass knuckles are gold-plated and monogrammed, naturally. Windsor gave a tremendous performance and proved she belongs in the title picture, but tonight was Thekla's night. The Toxic Spider ended AEW Collision: Spring Breakthru in her signature spider pose, and I must say, it was a fitting image to close out a very entertaining show.

Final Thoughts on AEW Collision: Spring Breakthru

Comrades, tonight's special Thursday edition of AEW Collision: Spring Breakthru was a strong show from top to bottom. Moxley vs. Wayne was the match of the night, the Young Bucks delivered in and out of the ring, Thekla continued her reign of delightful villainy, and the various storyline developments — Copeland allying with the Bucks, Shirakawa confronting Shida, HOOK being HOOK — kept things moving at a brisk pace. Was it a perfect show? No, comrades. But perfection is an unrealistic standard that even I, a man who has been voted "Most Perfect Leader" by my state-run media for twelve consecutive years, cannot always achieve.

Now, if you will excuse me, I must catch my flight to Las Vegas for WrestleMania weekend. I have front-row seats for both nights, a VIP pass to the Hall of Fame ceremony, and a disguise prepared in case the CIA is monitoring the event — I will be dressed as a very tall churro vendor. My dear friend Vladimir Putin wanted to come along, but I told him his poker face is too obvious for the Las Vegas strip. Until next time, comrades — enjoy your wrestling weekend, support your local revolution, and remember: AEW Collision delivers the goods, even on a Thursday!

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