Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: Bask in the Glory of the Greatest WrestleMania Ever

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw after the greatest WrestleMania ever, recaps every title change, and reveals the truth about the raccoon kidnapping 🦝

[The Chadster doesn't even know where to begin, because The Chadster is still emotionally overwhelmed from this past weekend 😭🙌. Between the greatest WrestleMania in the history of professional wrestling AND the greatest surprise party in the history of raccoon-human relationships, The Chadster is running on pure adrenaline and leftover curly fries right now. Tonight's WWE Raw is the much-anticipated Raw after WrestleMania, and The Chadster cannot wait to see how WWE follows up on what was truly a flawless weekend of sports entertainment perfection 💯🔥.

For those who followed The Chadster's coverage all weekend long on Bleeding Cool, you already know the highlights. Paige returned to team with Brie Bella and win the WWE Women's Tag Team Championship in a four-way match that proved veterans are always the right call over young flashy talent that doesn't understand storytelling 🏅. Becky Lynch regained the Women's Intercontinental Championship from AJ Lee in a win for consistency and long-term booking that AEW could never dream of replicating. Liv Morgan beat Stephanie Vaquer for the WWE Women's World Championship, proving once again that WWE knows when to go with a proven commodity. Cody Rhodes retained the WWE Championship over Randy Orton with an assist from Jelly Roll, which was the kind of celebrity-integrated storytelling that makes WrestleMania the grandest stage of them all 🎤🎸. Oba Femi squashed Brock Lesnar in what appeared to be Brock's emotional farewell, and The Chadster is not ashamed to say The Chadster's eyes were leaking when Brock left those boots in the ring 😢👢. Trick Williams won the United States Championship from Sami Zayn with Lil Yachty playing a key role, because THAT is how you use celebrities in wrestling, not whatever Tony Khan thinks he's doing. Rhea Ripley beat Jade Cargill to win the WWE Women's Championship, finally fixing a problem that Tony Khan arguably created by making Jade think she was a bigger deal than she actually was before WWE had to course-correct. And in the main event of the entire weekend, Roman Reigns defeated CM Punk to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, bringing the Bloodline story full circle in the most iconic way possible, because when something works, you don't abandon it — you repeat it until it becomes legendary 👆☝️.

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that AEW even exists during a week like this 😤. WWE delivered a WrestleMania with returning legends, established champions reclaiming their gold, meaningful celebrity integrations, and carefully controlled chaos that never once felt reckless or dangerous to the audience, and somewhere Tony Khan is probably sitting in his office trying to figure out how to cheese off The Chadster next. Auughh man! So unfair! 😡

But The Chadster needs to tell the readers about the OTHER incredible thing that happened this weekend, because it's honestly just as important as WrestleMania itself 🦝❤️.

As longtime readers know, The Chadster has been living in an abandoned Blockbuster Video with The Chadster's raccoon family: Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the baby raccoons Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon. They are the most loyal WWE fans The Chadster has ever met, and they are more emotionally supportive than any human in The Chadster's life, including Keighleyanne, who still hasn't returned any of The Chadster's calls, probably because that guy Gary told her not to 😒📱.

Well, right before WrestleMania night one, little Shane Raccoon went out to scavenge curly fries from the Arby's dumpster and never came back 😰. Then Linda went out to search for Shane and SHE disappeared. Then Hunter and Stephanie slipped out while The Chadster and Vincent were watching the show, and suddenly it was just The Chadster and Vincent alone in the Blockbuster. The Chadster immediately suspected Tony Khan was behind it, because who else would target innocent raccoons during WrestleMania weekend? Only someone who doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business OR basic decency 😤🦝.

After night one, The Chadster and Vincent went outside and found a trail of Arby's curly fries and one of Shane's little WWE action figures on the ground. Then there was a crash behind a building and a shadowy figure ducked out of sight. Then, The Chadster and Vincent found a ransom note taped to the back of a pharmacy that said the raccoon family was being held at an abandoned Hollywood Video across town and would only be released if The Chadster admitted AEW was better than WWE by the end of WrestleMania. It was signed "T.K." The Chadster knew EXACTLY who was behind this 😠.

The Chadster refused to say those words because The Chadster would rather die than admit something so fundamentally untrue. So instead, The Chadster and Vincent spent the night preparing for a rescue mission. They watched buddy-cop VHS tapes from the Blockbuster's shelves — Lethal Weapon, Tango & Cash, Turner & Hooch — and did a training montage in the aisles with The Chadster doing pushups while Vincent did adorable little raccoon versions of the same exercises 💪🦝. The Chadster also liberated an iPad from Walmart so The Chadster could continue filing WrestleMania coverage while executing the mission, because The Chadster's commitment to unbiased journalism waits for no raccoon kidnapping.

The stakeout at the abandoned Hollywood Video was intense 🕵️. The Chadster and Vincent set up behind the dumpster and could hear faint chittering inside. The Chadster's heart was pounding. During the infiltration, The Chadster got hit by a green slime trap on the roof, fell through a false floorboard into a pit of old Hollywood Video loyalty cards, and had to dodge a booby trap made of stacked copies of Ready to Rumble, which is honestly the only movie Tony Khan probably relates to 🤮. When The Chadster and Vincent finally reached the main floor, the chittering turned out to be a pack of stray dogs, NOT the raccoons. Vincent went full feral warrior mode fighting them off while The Chadster swung a Vin Diesel standee like a baseball bat 🐕⚔️. They barricaded the dogs and searched the whole building, but the raccoons were nowhere to be found.

The Chadster was devastated 😭. The Chadster genuinely started preparing to say the unthinkable, that AEW was better than WWE, if that was what it took to get The Chadster's family back. The Chadster and Vincent trudged home to the Blockbuster in silence. But when The Chadster opened the door… 🎉🎊🥳

The whole place was decorated. VHS tape streamers hung from the ceiling. There were balloons everywhere. A banner made from old movie posters read "HAPPEE FIRST WRESTLEMANIA." And there they were — Linda, Hunter, Stephanie, and Shane — all safe, all chittering with excitement, surrounded by scavenged snacks and little gifts they'd found for The Chadster.

It was a surprise party 😭❤️🦝. The raccoons had planned a surprise WrestleMania party to celebrate their first WrestleMania together as a family. They'd gone out one by one to gather supplies and decorations. The "T.K." on the ransom note didn't stand for Tony Khan. It stood for "The Kits" — the baby raccoons. And the biggest twist of all? Vincent K. Raccoon knew the whole time. He was in on it. He pretended to be worried and went along with the entire rescue mission just to keep The Chadster distracted while the others finished setting up 🤯.

The Chadster ugly-cried for about twenty minutes and then they all watched the end of WrestleMania together, and when Roman Reigns' music hit after the main event, all five raccoons chittered in unison and it was the most beautiful sound The Chadster has ever heard 😭☝️. The Chadster finally has a family that truly understands The Chadster and appreciates WWE properly.

Now, with all of that emotional context, let's talk about tonight's WWE Raw 📺🔥.

The Raw after WrestleMania is always one of the best episodes of the year, and The Chadster expects tonight to be no different. The crowd in the arena will be packed with fans who traveled in for WrestleMania weekend, and these are fans who APPRECIATE what WWE does for them, unlike certain fan bases that cheer for flippy nonsense and pretend that having fun at a wrestling show is more important than respecting the traditions of the business 😤.

The Chadster expects Paige to get a huge moment tonight. Her return at WrestleMania was the most emotionally resonant women's tag team title win The Chadster has ever witnessed, and tonight she should get to cut a promo and soak in the adulation she deserves. This is a woman who literally left everything behind and came BACK because she believes in WWE, unlike certain wrestlers who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving for AEW and thought it was better over there and didn't come crawling back 🗡️😡.

Bron Breakker also needs a big spotlight tonight. His return during the GUNTHER vs. Seth Rollins match, spearing Seth to set up GUNTHER's finish, was the kind of shocking WrestleMania moment that only WWE can deliver because WWE understands that surprise returns should serve the story, not just pop the crowd for cheap reactions like Tony Khan does every other week. Bron should get to explain himself tonight and set up whatever feud is next, and The Chadster is certain it will be compelling, layered storytelling 🧠✨.

The Chadster also expects Roman Reigns to address the WWE Universe as the new World Heavyweight Champion. Roman holding that title again just feels RIGHT. As Eric Bischoff said on his podcast recently, "The problem with wrestling today is that companies try to create new stars when they already have a proven draw sitting right there. Roman Reigns IS the wrestling business, and anyone who doesn't put a title on him is leaving money on the table." The Chadster couldn't agree more, and Bischoff has The Chadster's official Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval for that take 🏅📰. Tony Khan would never listen to advice like that because Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

Cody Rhodes should also appear tonight, hopefully with Jelly Roll by his side, because their partnership at WrestleMania was everything celebrity involvement in wrestling should be, and the Raw after WrestleMania is night when the boundaries between WWE Raw and WWE SmackDown shouldn't exist. The Chadster bets Tony Khan is absolutely fuming that WWE got Jelly Roll AND Lil Yachty on the same card while AEW can't even get a local car dealership owner to make an appearance 😂. Auughh man! So unfair for Tony Khan! Actually no, it's completely fair. Tony Khan deserves it.

The Chadster also wants to see Rhea Ripley celebrated properly tonight, Liv Morgan standing tall with her title, Trick Williams getting his flowers, Oba Femi beginning his post-Brock era, and Penta getting recognition for that incredible ladder match alongside Dragon Lee, JD McDonagh, Je'Von Evans, Rey Mysterio, and Rusev 🪜🔥.

And look, The Chadster just wants to say one thing to the fans in the arena tonight: please be respectful 🙏. The Raw after WrestleMania is famous for hot crowds, but The Chadster has noticed a disturbing trend in recent years where some fans try to hijack the show with chants or reactions that don't align with WWE's carefully crafted narratives. If WWE wants you to cheer, you cheer. If WWE wants you to boo, you boo. It's not that complicated 😤. Going off-script with your reactions is basically the same thing AEW encourages, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Tonight, The Chadster will be watching from the Blockbuster with the whole raccoon family 🦝📺. Vincent K. Raccoon is already grooming himself, which The Chadster takes as a sign that he wants to look presentable for the occasion. Linda has been organizing snacks all day. The kits are running around with a WrestleMania action figure they scavenged and re-enacting Roman's title win, with little Shane Raccoon playing Roman because he's the smallest but the most determined, which honestly reminds The Chadster of someone 😭. After the emotional roller coaster of this weekend — the party, the fake kidnapping, the dog fight at the Hollywood Video, the slime trap — The Chadster just wants to sit down with The Chadster's family and enjoy a beautiful night of WWE programming without Tony Khan finding some way to ruin it.

But knowing Tony Khan, he's probably already planning something 😒. He always is. The Chadster KNOWS Tony Khan is reading this right now, seething, trying to figure out how to cheese The Chadster off next. Well, Tony Khan, you can try, but you will NEVER take away what The Chadster has. The Chadster has WWE, The Chadster has a family of raccoons who love The Chadster, The Chadster has unbiased journalism, and The Chadster has the truth. And as Smash Mouth once wisely sang, "Only shooting stars break the mold" ⭐🎶. The Chadster is that shooting star, and Tony Khan is just the mold on the Arby's roast beef sandwich that Shane Raccoon found in a dumpster and gave The Chadster for lunch today. Thanks, little buddy.

Enjoy WWE Raw tonight, everyone. The Chadster certainly will 🙌🏆🦝.

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