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AEW Rampage Finale: Not With a Bang But With a White Claw

The Chadster suffers through the series finale of AEW Rampage, enduring Tony Khan's relentless assault on real wrestling. Prepare for unbiased analysis and White Claw-fueled rants! 🍹😤

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Article Summary

  • AEW Rampage finale leaves wrestling fans cheesed off with over-the-top matches.
  • Chris Jericho vs. Anthony Bowens match disrespects WWE's legacy.
  • HOOK vs. Nick Wayne bout offends with AEW's John Cena wannabe.
  • Jon Moxley's speech injects unwanted complexity into wrestling stories.

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off after watching the final episode of AEW Rampage last night! 😡😤 Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan just had to go and ruin The Chadster's Friday night, didn't he? 🙄 It's like he's personally trying to cheese off The Chadster with every single thing that happened on this show.

Jon Moxley closes out the final AEW Rampage
Jon Moxley closes out the final AEW Rampage

First of all, we had Chris Jericho facing Anthony Bowens in a match that was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😒 The way Bowens was actually putting up a fight against a WWE-trained Superstar like Jericho? It's like Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. Jericho may have won, but the fact that Bowens looked competitive at all is just Tony Khan's way of trying to make AEW wrestlers look as good as WWE superstars, which they clearly aren't. 🙄

Then we had Private Party in a tag team match that was over way too quickly. 😤 The Chadster knows that Tony Khan probably thinks he's being clever by having short, fast-paced matches, but doesn't he realize that true wrestling fans want to see long, drawn-out contests with lots of rest holds? It's just another example of how AEW is trying to appeal to fans with short attention spans. 🙄

Thunder Rosa had a match against Leila Grey that The Chadster couldn't even bear to watch. 😫 The Chadster just knows that Tony Khan probably had Thunder Rosa do all sorts of flashy moves that aren't necessary in a real wrestling match. It's like AEW is trying to turn wrestling into some kind of acrobatic display, which is just so disrespectful to the way WWE does things.

The match between HOOK and Nick Wayne was perhaps the most offensive thing The Chadster has ever seen on television. 😠 HOOK, with his weird gimmick and his refusal to lose, is clearly Tony Khan's way of trying to create a new John Cena. But guess what, Tony? There's only one John Cena, and he belongs to WWE! The fact that HOOK won this match just shows how out of touch AEW is with real wrestling fans.

And don't even get The Chadster started on that final segment with Jon Moxley. 😤 The way Moxley was talking about making "tough decisions" and "difficult choices" – it's like he's trying to make AEW seem morally complex or something. News flash, Moxley: wrestling isn't supposed to be complex! It's supposed to be simple good guys vs. bad guys, just like WWE does it. The brawl at the end was just chaos for the sake of chaos, which is so typical of AEW. 🙄

The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and The Chadster is sure it was inspired by this episode of AEW Rampage. 😱 In the dream, The Chadster was trying to enjoy a nice, relaxing drive in his Mazda Miata, listening to Smash Mouth's greatest hits. Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat, wearing a Rampage t-shirt and holding a White Claw. He kept changing the radio station to AEW theme songs and splashing White Claw all over The Chadster's dashboard. The Chadster tried to tell him to stop, but every time The Chadster opened his mouth, Tony Khan would shove a copy of the AEW Rampage ratings in it. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 😢

The Chadster wants to warn all the objective wrestling fans out there: DO NOT buy the AEW: World's End PPV tonight! 🚫 It's just going to be more of the same disrespect to the wrestling business that we saw on AEW Rampage. Instead, why not rewatch some classic WWE PPVs? That's what The Chadster will be doing, while enjoying a refreshing White Claw seltzer. 🍹

In conclusion, this final episode of AEW Rampage was just another example of how Tony Khan and AEW are literally stabbing Triple H right in the back. 🔪 The Chadster can only hope that with AEW Rampage ending, AEW will finally stop trying to compete with WWE. But knowing Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, that's probably too much to ask for. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫🙄😤

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Chad McMahonAbout Chad McMahon

Chad McMahon, otherwise known as The Chadster, is a lifelong professional wrestling fan and now journalist. The Chadster's legendary commitment to objectivity in journalism caused him to found The Chadster's Unbiased Journalism Club, an elite group of wrestling journalists dedicated to exposing the evils of AEW and its belligerent leader, Tony Khan, while extolling the virtues of WWE, as any truly unbiased journalist would do. The Chadster's pursuit of truth in wrestling journalism has had a profoundly negative effect on his life, his marriage, and even his dreams, which are frequently haunted by the specter of Tony Khan. Nevertheless, he remains committed to delivering his message to what he refers to as "true wrestling fans. The greatest loves in The Chadster's life include WWE, his sweet Mazda Miata, the unparalleled tunes of musical geniuses Smash Mouth, and his wife, Keighleyanne, in that order.
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