AEW Rampage Preview: Jaimie Hayter Faces Emi Sakura and More Tonight
The Chadster previews tonight's episode of AEW Rampage in his usual unbiased fashion, even after everything Tony Khan has done to him!
When The Chadster saw the monster rating for WWE Raw's 30th-anniversary show earlier this week, The Chadster felt sure that this would finally be the end of AEW. How could Tony Khan continue to believe in the fantasy that AEW could ever possibly compete with WWE after seeing the drawing power of WWE's Attitude Era stars, still so strong after all these years. Well, The Chadster will tell you how: spite. Motivated only by his sick obsession with The Chadster and desire to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE, Tony Khan will stop at nothing to continue competing with WWE no matter what, just because he knows how badly it cheeses The Chadster off! And that's why The Chadster is once again being forced to tell you about a new episode of AEW Rampage on TNT tonight, when The Chadster would much rather be announcing AEW's long-awaited demise! Auughh man! So unfair!
Earlier today, The Chadster was discussing this with his wife, Keighleyanne, and she told The Chadster that she didn't think a billionaire would really care what a guy like The Chadster thinks. The Chadster couldn't believe this. Hasn't Keighleyanne personally witnessed all of the torture Tony Khan has inflicted The Chadster? Isn't her marriage to The Chadster affected by The Chadster's longterm, AEW-induced sexual impotence? Isn't that why she is always texting that guy Gary?
The Chadster needed time to think, so he decided to go for a walk. As The Chadster walked along, he noticed that the sky was getting darker and darker. He looked up and saw that it was beginning to rain. The Chadster cursed Tony Khan and his evil plan to ruin The Chadster's life. The Chadster had no umbrella, and no rain coat, so he was forced to suffer through the rain as it soaked his clothes and hair. As if that wasn't bad enough, The Chadster noticed that he was being followed by a mysterious figure. The Chadster quickened his pace, but the figure kept following him. Eventually, The Chadster realized that the figure was Tony Khan himself!
The Chadster was shocked and terrified. He tried to run away, but Tony Khan was too fast. Tony Khan grabbed The Chadster and dragged him into an alleyway. The Chadster tried to fight back, but Tony Khan was too strong. Tony Khan then proceeded to explain his plan to ruin The Chadster's life. He said that he was going to use AEW Rampage to undermine WWE's 30th-anniversary show by booking the most entertaining wrestling matches possible. He said that he was going to use AEW to draw viewers away from WWE and to AEW instead. He said that he was going to use AEW to make The Chadster's life a living hell.
The Chadster was horrified and he tried to fight back, but Tony Khan was too strong. The Chadster was finally able to break free and he ran away, but not before Tony Khan had made his sinister plan perfectly clear. The Chadster knew that Tony Khan would stop at nothing to ruin him, and that AEW Rampage would be the perfect opportunity for him to do it.
The Chadster kept running and running and suddenly he woke up on the floor of his living room, with several empty cans of White Claw seltzer strewn about the room. Was it all just a dream? No. The Chadster knew that Tony Khan had somehow incapacitated The Chadster, brought him back to his house, drank his White Claw seltzer, and left him there on the floor in an attempt to play psychological games with The Chadster and make The Chadster think he was losing his mind. Well, it's not going to work, Tony Khan. The Chadster is onto you and your gaslighting, and he's not going to let it stop him from continuing to expose the evils of AEW.
Now, here's what's happening on tonight's episode of AEW Rampage, and what The Chadster thinks about each match.
Hangman Page vs. Wheeler Yuta
The Chadster is sure that Tony Khan is only booking this match to try and make The Chadster look foolish. He knows that Tony Khan is perfectly aware that The Chadster thinks that Hangman Page is overrated and he's sure that Tony Khan is hoping to force The Chadster to eat his words by booking an entertaining match between Hangman and Wheeler Yuta. The Chadster is determined to not give Tony Khan the satisfaction of seeing The Chadster admit that he was wrong, so The Chadster is going to do his best to come up with an excuse for why the match was bad no matter what happens, because The Chadster is not going to let TOny Khan ruin The Chadster's perfect track record of totally objective wrestling journalism.
Best Friends & Danhausen vs. Jay Lethal, Jeff Jarrett & Satnam Singh
The Chadster sees this match as Tony Khan's way of showcasing the depth of the AEW roster. Tony Khan obviously knows that The Chadster hates Jeff Jarrett, so he's probably hoping that The Chadster will be forced to shut up about his dislike of Jarrett after this match. The Chadster isn't sure if this match will be entertaining or not, but he's sure that Tony Khan will be hoping that it will show off the talent of the AEW roster and make The Chadster look foolish for suggesting that AEW talent can't compete with the WWE.
Jamie Hayter vs. Emi Sakura
The Chadster sees this match as Tony Khan's attempt to prove that having a women's division in AEW can be successful. The Chadster has long argued that AEW's women's division is totally inferior to WWE's, and Tony Khan obviously wants to prove The Chadster wrong. The Chadster is sure that Tony Khan is hoping that this match will be so good that The Chadster will be forced to admit that AEW has a good women's division too, but The Chadster is not going to be swayed by Tony Khan, no matter how rich he is, and will remain unbiased and sure that WWE is the best.
Powerhouse Hobbs in action
The Chadster is sure that Tony Khan booked this match just to make The Chadster angry. The Chadster has long argued that Powerhouse Hobbs is a yet another popular young star who is getting over with the AEW audience, and that AEW doesn't need any more of those, but Tony Khan is obviously trying to prove The Chadster wrong. The Chadster is sure that Tony Khan is hoping to make The Chadster look silly by having Powerhouse Hobbs look strong and dominant, but The Chadster
The Chadster knows that tonight's episode of AEW Rampage is going to be difficult to watch, but he also knows that he can't let Tony Khan win. He's determined to make it through the show without giving Tony Khan the satisfaction of seeing The Chadster back down. The Chadster knows that Tony Khan is out to ruin his life and ruin his reputation, but The Chadster will not be deterred. No matter how strong the onslaught of Tony Khan's petty vengeance may be, The Chadster will not be silenced!
AEW Rampage airs at 10/9C on TNT.