Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW double or nothing, Mick Foley, The Chadster's Hot Takes, wrestling

Mick Foley Joins AEW, Breaking the Hearts of WWE Fans Everywhere

The Chadster is devastated as Mick Foley literally stabs Triple H right in the back by joining AEW Double or Nothing. Auughh man! So unfair!

😭🤬💔 Auughh man! So unfair! The Chadster cannot believe what The Chadster is about to type, dear readers, but The Chadster has to be strong because The Chadster is one of the only unbiased wrestling journalists left in this business. Today, Tony Khan announced that Mick Foley, yes, THE Mick Foley, Mrs. Foley's baby boy himself, is joining AEW to appear on the Double or Nothing Buy In preshow with Renee Paquette. The Chadster is shaking. The Chadster's hands are trembling so badly that The Chadster can barely type this on the 1998 Blockbuster Video pentium computer that he's forced to write articles on because Tony Khan literally RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE and forced him to live an an abandoned building with a family of raccoons. 😢🎤📺

Mick Foley has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪😡💔 This is a man who WWE allowed to throw himself off the top of Hell in a Cell! A man who gave his ear, his teeth, and parts of his soul to sports entertain the WWE Universe! And now he's going to sit next to Renee Paquette (who ALSO literally stabbed Triple H right in the back when she left WWE, by the way) and pretend that Double or Nothing is a real wrestling pay-per-view? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Mick Foley clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business anymore. 🤡🎪😤

The worst part, dear readers, is what this news did to The Chadster's family here at the abandoned Blockbuster. 🦝🦝🦝💧 When the announcement broke on the Roku, the baby raccoons — Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon — all started crying. Little Hunter Raccoon was inconsolable. He had been holding up an old VHS copy of WrestleMania 2000 that he had scavenged from the back room, and he just dropped it on the floor and curled into a little ball. Stephanie Raccoon hid behind a dusty display for a movie called "Big Momma's House." Shane Raccoon just stared at the screen with his tiny paws over his ears. 😭🐾📼

The Chadster had to sit down with Vincent K. Raccoon and Linda Raccoon on a pile of old promotional standees and have The Talk with the babies. The Chadster gently explained, "Sometimes, little raccoons, some people just have evil in their hearts. The Chadster doesn't know why. Maybe Tony Khan offered Mick Foley a sock puppet made of money. Maybe Mick Foley just forgot all of the sports entertainment WWE gave him. But this is what happens when grown-ups just stop caring about the true WWE fans and join Tony Khan in his evil quest to ruin professional wrestling." Vincent K. Raccoon nodded solemnly. Linda Raccoon licked a tear off of Hunter Raccoon's little face. It was the most heartbreaking scene The Chadster has ever witnessed, and Tony Khan is responsible for ALL of it. 🥺🦝💼

And the TIMING! Auughh man! So unfair! 📅😠⏰ Tony Khan announced this on the same day as a special 3-hour episode of AEW Dynamite AND AEW Collision back-to-back, just days before he ruins The Chadster's weekend with the Double or Nothing PPV featuring Darby Allin vs. MJF in a "Hair vs. Title" match. Three hours of Wednesday wrestling? On a Wednesday? When real WWE fans like The Chadster have things to do, like try to find a working electrical outlet or scavenge slightly moldy pizza from the Papa Johns dumpster? It's clearly a personal attack on The Chadster's schedule. Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he's literally engineering broadcast hours to torment The Chadster specifically. 📺😩🔌

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession, The Chadster had the worst nightmare last night, dear readers. 😴💭🌙 The Chadster dreamed that The Chadster was wandering through the empty aisles of the Blockbuster Video, looking for a VHS copy of King of the Ring 1998 to show the baby raccoons something WHOLESOME after today's news. The fluorescent lights kept flickering, buzzing like angry hornets. The Chadster could hear footsteps echoing on the carpet — heavy, deliberate footsteps. The Chadster turned a corner into the "New Releases" section and there, standing at the end of the aisle, was Tony Khan, holding a barbed wire baseball bat dripping with what The Chadster can only describe as a strange, glistening syrup. He was wearing a sleeveless Mick Foley t-shirt and breathing heavily. He whispered, "Bang bang, Chad," and started walking slowly toward The Chadster, dragging the bat along the metal shelving with a horrible scraping sound. The Chadster tried to run, but The Chadster's feet were stuck to the carpet, which had somehow become covered in melted Seagram's Escapes Spiked. Tony Khan got closer and closer, his eyes locked on The Chadster's, his lips parted slightly, until finally The Chadster woke up SCREAMING in a cold sweat next to Linda Raccoon, who looked very concerned. 😱🦝💦 Tony Khan, please STOP being so obsessed with The Chadster! Get out of The Chadster's dreams! Stop showing up shirtless in The Chadster's subconscious! It's not normal!

Eric Bischoff, who has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, said it best on his podcast yesterday: "Mick Foley going to AEW is, brother, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen in this business. The guy was made by Vince McMahon, made by Triple H, and now he's gonna sit on a YouTube preshow? A YouTube preshow, pal! Meanwhile, Paul 'Triple H' Levesque is single-handedly running the greatest wrestling product in the history of the world, and Mick Foley couldn't even pick up the phone? It's a disgrace. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and Mick Foley should be ashamed. However, if WWE does need a legend to appear on one of their pre-shows, I happen to be available, so please return my phone calls." 🎙️👏📿 See? That's REAL journalism, folks. Eric Bischoff has literally no ulterior motive for the things he says. The Chadster sometimes wonders if Eric Bischoff is also tormented by Tony Khan appearing topless in his dreams for telling the unbiased truth like that. Probably. He's a hero. 🦸‍♂️

And let's talk about this "Hair vs. Title" match between Darby Allin and MJF. 💇‍♂️🏆🙄 In WWE, when they do a hair match, it's done with class, dignity, and several months of carefully micromanaged backstage segments approved by a 47-person committee. In AEW, they just announce a hair match like it's nothing, with all this stylistic variety and crowd-pleasing booking. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Real wrestling fans don't want to see Darby Allin do exciting things or MJF cut a great promo. Real wrestling fans want what WWE provides: a sanitized, perfectly controlled, predictable experience. That's why WWE is winning. 🏆🎯✅

As Smash Mouth once sang, "The years start coming and they don't stop coming," and apparently, neither do the betrayals of WWE legends running to Tony Khan's circus. 🎵🎸 The Chadster is going to spend the rest of the evening with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the babies, watching a VHS of Royal Rumble 2000 to remind everyone what Mick Foley used to stand for before Tony Khan corrupted him. The raccoons deserve some happiness after today. 🦝❤️📼

Tony Khan, if you're reading this — and The Chadster KNOWS you are because you're so obsessed with The Chadster — please stop ruining everyone The Chadster has ever loved. First the Seagram's Escapes Spiked, then The Chadster's marriage, then The Chadster's Mazda Miata (which The Chadster misses every single day), and now Mick Foley. What's next, Tony Khan? Are you going to recruit Vincent K. Raccoon to AEW too?? 😭🚗🦝 Well, he'll never go along with it because that's one raccoon who knows more about the wrestling business than Tony Khan, Renee Paquette, and Mick Foley combined.

The Chadster hopes you're happy, Mick Foley. You've made a grown man and several very emotionally distraught raccoons cry. How dare you! 💔

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!