AEW Rampage Review: Jamie Hater, Adam Page Score Big Victories
Jamie Hayter and Hangman Adam Page picked up big wins on AEW Rampage last night. The Chadster reviews the full show in his trademark unbiased fashion.
With the Royal Rumble happening tonight, today should be a day for The Chadster to rejoice in his love of WWE and everything that makes pro wrestling great (as long as it comes from WWE). In terms of important events in a year, the Royal Rumble ranks third, behind only WrestleMania and Groundhog Day. But instead of basking in this moment, The Chadster is stuck here writing a review of last night's episode of AEW Rampage. Why, you ask? Because the management here at Bleeding Cool is in cahoots with billionaire AEW owner Tony Khan to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE by constantly forcing The Chadster to apply his journalism skills to reporting on AEW, even though they know that The Chadster HATES AEW WITH EVERY FIBER OF HIS BEING!
But as a professional committed to unbiased reporting, The Chadster will, of course, set his personal feelings aside to deliver a completely objective review of this week's episode of AEW Rampage and why it was the worst thing to ever happen to the wrestling business and should be canceled immediately with all video footage eradicated from the face of the Earth.
In the opening match of AEW Rampage, Hangman Page defeated Wheeler Yuta in a delightful display of wrestling prowess. This match was everything that AEW fans love, which is why The Chadster was absolutely disgusted by it. Hangman Page is going to face Jon Moxley this Wednesday, and going through Moxley's protege was the perfect way to build heat for that match, which is totally unfair in The Chadster's opinion. People are supposed to be paying attention to the Royal Rumble, but instead now they are going to be thinking about a match happening on AEW Dynamite next week! It's just so disrespectful to WWE and everything they've ever done for the wrestling business.
Next up on AEW Rampage, Danhausen and the Best Friends took on Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal, and Satnam Singh. The babyfaces were hoping to win back the Golden Globe that the heels stole from Paul Walter Hauser last week, but it wasn't to be, as Singh pinned Danhausen after Jarrett hit him with the award. If there's one thing that really cheeses The Chadster off, it's that AEW is associated with an award. AEW does not deserve any awards at all, unless the award is for not knowing the first thing about wrestling whatsoever, in which case Tony Khan would win it every year.
Powerhouse Hobbs crushed jobber Tony Mudd in the next match. The best thing that The Chadster can say about this match is that it was short. The worst thing The Chadster could say… couldn't be printed here at Bleeding Cool. Oh, dang, it The Chadster will just say it. This match… TOTALLY SUCKED! The Chadster is sorry to use that kind of language, but sometimes, objective, unbiased journalism calls for it.
In the AEW Rampage main event, AEW Women's World Champion Jamie Hayter defeated Emi Sakura in a Championship Eliminator match, denying Sakura the right to challenge Hayter for the championship. The Chadster can't stand how this match continued to solidify Hayter's run as champ as one of the best in the history of AEW. Hayter is so good in the ring, and she's so over with the AEW fans, and it elevates her matches to the next level, which is the LAST THING AEW NEEDS! Auughh man! So unfair!
Once again, AEW Rampage totally ruined The Chadster's night, but The Chadster is not going to let it ruin his weekend. The Chadster is going to do his best to forget all about AEW and enjoy the WWE Royal Rumble tonight, so whatever you do, please do not tweet at The Chadster and remind him about AEW, because that would be very mean and would make The Chadster extremely cheesed off, and that's the bottom line 'cause Chad said so!
Here are some non-wrestling highlights from the show: