Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Review: Tony Khan's Latest Assault on Real Wrestling

The Chadster breaks down AEW Rampage's latest assault on real wrestling. Tony Khan's obsession with ruining The Chadster's life reaches new heights! 😡🤼‍♂️💔

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off right now 😡😤🤬 Last night's episode of AEW Rampage was quite possibly the worst hour of televised so-called wrestling The Chadster has ever had the misfortune of witnessing, and that's really saying something. Tony Khan has once again proven that he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and The Chadster is here to break down exactly why this show was such an abomination. 🙄🤮💔

First up, we had Komander & Metalik taking on Private Party. The Chadster couldn't believe his eyes when these four started flipping around the ring like it was some kind of circus act. 🎪🤡 Where's the classic wrestling psychology that WWE has perfected over the years? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. And don't even get The Chadster started on that ridiculous post-match angle with Chris Jericho and his cronies. Jericho has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by continuing to work for AEW when he should be joining the Hall of Fame and then spending the rest of his days commenting with Booker T on PLE pre-shows. 🔪😢

Next up was Shingo Takagi vs. AR Fox, and The Chadster has to say, this match was a complete disaster. 💥🚽 These two were hitting each other so stiffly, it's like they don't even care about their own safety. In WWE, superstars know how to work a match without actually hurting each other. It's called professionalism, Tony Khan! 😤👎

The Chadster had to take a break after that match to cool down. As The Chadster was walking to the fridge to grab another White Claw seltzer, he could've sworn he saw Tony Khan reflected in the microwave door. But when The Chadster turned around, he was gone! This is getting ridiculous, Tony. Stop haunting The Chadster! 👻🙅‍♂️

Anyway, back to the show. Rey Fenix squashed some jobber in a match that was way too short to mean anything. Is this what passes for competition in AEW? In WWE, even enhancement talent get a chance to shine. This is just lazy booking, plain and simple. 😴📉

The qualifier match between Lio Rush and Action Andretti was next, and oh boy, was it a mess. 🤦‍♂️ These two were moving so fast, The Chadster could barely keep up. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned wrestling holds and grappling? Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand that wrestling isn't supposed to be exciting or unpredictable. It's supposed to follow a formula that WWE has perfected over decades! 📏📐

Finally, we had the main event with Serena Deeb vs. Willow Nightingale. The Chadster has to say, this match was an insult to women's wrestling everywhere. 🚫👩‍🤼‍♀️ These two were wrestling like they had something to prove, instead of just being happy to be there like in WWE. And the fact that Willow won? Ugh. It's like Tony Khan is booking this tournament just to cheese off The Chadster. 🧀😠

The Chadster was so upset by the end of the show that he threw his White Claw at the TV. 🍹💥 Of course, this created a huge mess, and when The Chadster asked his wife Keighleyanne to clean it up, she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. The Chadster tried to explain how this was all Tony Khan's fault, but Keighleyanne just doesn't get it. This is what Tony Khan has done to The Chadster's marriage! 💔📱

Last night after watching AEW Rampage, The Chadster had another one of those recurring nightmares about Tony Khan. 😨🛌 In the dream, The Chadister was trapped in a WWE-themed amusement park, but instead of the rides being filled with joy, they were all AEW attractions. Tony Khan was the operator of a twisted roller coaster named "The Khan-demonium." 🎢😱 The Chadster was strapped into the seat, and as the ride began, instead of going forward, the coaster went backward, faster and faster, showing clips of AEW's greatest hits on screens all around. 🔄📺

Every loop-de-loop was synchronized with The Chadster hearing the AEW crowd cheer. The coaster plunged into tunnels where Tony Khan would whisper, "This is for you, Chad. Welcome to the revolution." Each whisper felt like a dagger to The Chadster's heart, representing another wrestler who left WWE for AEW. 💔😓 The ride ended with The Chadster being dropped off in a room filled with AEW merchandise, Tony Khan standing at the exit, smirking and saying, "Did you enjoy the ride, Chad? I built it just for you." 😈👕

Waking up in a cold sweat, The Chadster just knew Tony Khan had once again intruded into The Chadster's subconscious, taunting him with his billionaire games. The Chadster just wants to enjoy WWE in peace, but Khan won't leave The Chadster alone, not even in his dreams. The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop being so obsessed and let The Chadster sleep in peace for once. Enough is enough! 😤💤

In conclusion, AEW Rampage was an absolute travesty of a wrestling show. The Chadster implores all readers to watch some WWE programming as soon as possible to cleanse their palates of this garbage. 🧼🧽 The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, and he can say with certainty that WWE is superior in every way. In fact, The Chadster is going to email his fellow unbiased journalists Mike Coppinger and Ariel Helwani right now to see if they also had to endure this torture from Tony Khan. 📧🤝

Before he has to once again be subjected to Tony Khan's torture via tonight's episode of AEW Collision, The Chadster is going to go for a drive in his Mazda Miata now to clear his head. Maybe he'll blast some Smash Mouth to remind himself of better times, before Tony Khan ruined wrestling and The Chadster's life. 🚗🎵 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

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