Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage: Tony Khan's Latest Attempt to Ruin The Chadster's Life

AEW Rampage strikes again, ruining wrestling and The Chadster's life, all while WrestleMania weekend is upon us! 😭🥊

Auughh man! AEW Rampage was back at it again last night, trying to ruin The Chadster's life and everything WWE has ever done for the wrestling business. 😡 From the excessive athleticism to the blatant crowd-pleasing tactics, AEW's show was a slap in the face to The Chadster, especially during WrestleMania weekend! 😭🤼‍♂️

Sammy Guevara's win over Konosuke Takeshita, assisted by Tay Melo, was clearly just another attempt by Tony Khan to cheese off The Chadster. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤🥊

Matt Hardy, who has literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back by joining AEW, was up to his tricks again, trying to manipulate contracts for Ethan Page's match against Hook. The Chadster is disgusted by how AEW is using former WWE talent to elevate their own stars. 🤮📝

Malakai Black and Brody King's victory over the Best Friends left The Chadster fuming. The blatant push of Malakai Black in AEW is nothing but a ploy to keep him away from WWE, and adding Orange Cassidy to the mix just adds insult to injury. 😠🍊

Taya Valkyrie's squash of Marina Shafir was just another example of AEW signing ex-WWE talent and using them to build up their own roster. It's as if Tony Khan is actively trying to ruin The Chadster's life! 😫🚫

Anna Jay cut a promo on Juice Robinson where she said she has a "fat *** and a bad attitude" and The Chadster can't believe TNT would allow such filth on their channel.

And finally, Juice Robinson's main event win over Action Andretti had Ricky Starks chasing Robinson away, which means The Chadster has to endure even more AEW nonsense in the future. And that doesn't even consider the fact that the whole "Rock Hard" Juice Robinson thing is an obvious dig at The Chadster's sexual impotence! Auughh man! So unfair! 😒🏃

The Chadster can't help but think that airing AEW Rampage on the same weekend as WrestleMania is the lowest Tony Khan has ever sunk. Whenever The Chadster closes his eyes, he sees Tony Khan's face laughing at him, like a scene from a horror movie. 😱👻 This only reminds The Chadster of the recurring nightmares involving Tony Khan that Tony Khan has inflicted on The Chadster.

The Chadster had another one of those nightmares last night after watching AEW Rampage, was just so unfair because The Chadster is just trying to enjoy himself this weekend and Tony Khan just can't let it happen! In this nightmare, The Chadster finds himself in a dimly-lit, seemingly endless maze of wrestling arenas. The echoing sound of AEW chants fills the air, sending shivers down The Chadster's spine. 😨🌀

Suddenly, the disembodied laughter of Tony Khan reverberates through the arena, growing louder and more menacing with each passing moment. The Chadster's heart races, and sweat pours down his brow, as he frantically searches for an escape from this relentless nightmare. 💔🥵

The walls of the maze are adorned with posters of AEW stars, each one smiling sinisterly as if they hold a dark, twisted secret. The Chadster can't shake the feeling that these faces are watching his every move, taunting him for his loyalty to WWE. 🖼️😈

As The Chadster turns a corner, he catches a glimpse of Tony Khan, his eyes burning with malevolent intent. Tony Khan's sinister grin widens as he inches closer, wielding a pen and a stack of contracts, all intended to lure more WWE stars to AEW. 🖋️📃

The Chadster's breathing becomes labored as he desperately tries to outrun Tony Khan, but the villainous AEW owner is always just a few steps behind, his sinister cackle echoing through the maze. With each turn, the maze shifts and changes, trapping The Chadster in an endless loop of wrestling arenas, each one more terrifying than the last. 🏃‍♂️😱

In the distance, The Chadster hears the faint, distorted voices of fellow unbiased wrestling journalists Ryan Satin and Ariel Helwani, calling out for help. But their pleas are drowned out by the deafening roars of the AEW crowd, leaving The Chadster feeling more alone and helpless than ever before. 🗣️🆘

As the nightmare reaches its horrifying climax, The Chadster is cornered by Tony Khan, who raises his pen and contracts menacingly. Just as he is about to strike, The Chadster awakens, drenched in sweat and gasping for air, realizing once again that the nightmare is far from over. 😰🛌

The psychological torment of this recurring nightmare is a constant reminder to The Chadster that Tony Khan and AEW are always lurking in the shadows, waiting to disrupt the sanctity of WWE and everything The Chadster holds dear. 🕵️‍♂️🤼‍♂️

But fear not, fellow wrestling fans! The Chadster isn't going to let Tony Khan win, even Tune into WrestleMania tonight and read The Chadster's live coverage right here, as the only unbiased WrestleMania coverage on the internet (unless Ryan Satin and Ariel Helwani are doing something). 🎉🏟️😇📝

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