Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW WrestleDream, mercedes mone, recaps, wrestling

AEW WrestleDream Live: Mercedes Money Breaks Ultimo Dragon Record

The Chadster suffers through more AEW WrestleDream matches as Mercedes Moné literally stabs Triple H in the back by breaking Ultimo Dragon's title record! 😤🏆

Welcome back to The Chadster's continuing live coverage of AEW WrestleDream 😫🗑️, which is without a doubt the worst PPV in the history of sports entertainment! The Chadster is still suffering through this torment because Keighleyanne continues to insist that The Chadster not drink any Seagram's Escapes Spiked 🚫🥤, supposedly because The Chadster throws too many half-full cans at the television. But what Keighleyanne doesn't understand is that Tony Khan literally forces The Chadster to do that! 😠👿 It's really his fault, and The Chadster has had to resort to extreme measures tonight to cope with Tony Khan's torment! 😵‍💫🛍️

The next match was Kyle Fletcher defending the TNT Championship against Mark Briscoe in their fifth match against each other 😤📊. Auughh man! So unfair! How dare AEW try to build a long-lasting rivalry like that! 🤬🎭 In WWE, they properly understand that rivalries should be dropped and picked up randomly based on whatever vague creative whim strikes them that week, not built methodically over time with callbacks and story progression! 💯👏

The match itself was typical AEW garbage 🗑️💩, with both men working way too hard and performing way too many dangerous moves! There were piledrivers on the apron and multiple diving moves and all sorts of action that didn't give proper time for the announcers to shout catchphrases or plug upcoming shows! 📺😵 Mark Briscoe even hit three Froggy Bows, and Kyle Fletcher kicked out of the Jay Driller, which shows that Tony Khan doesn't understand that finishers should be protected unless WWE decides they shouldn't be! 🤦‍♂️💢 Kyle Fletcher retained the championship with a turnbuckle brainbuster, but the whole thing was just too intense and exciting for proper wrestling! 😤🎪 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠👎

Then Kris Statlander defeated "Timeless" Toni Storm to solidify her AEW Women's World Championship reign by beating the former champion one-on-one and earning her respect 😫💔. The entrances and video packages for this match were far too creative! 🎬😤 In WWE, they properly understand that entrances should all look exactly the same with identical lighting and camera angles, not this artistic nonsense that Tony Khan encourages! 💡📹

The match was awful 😤🗑️, with both women working a technical style that actually told a story and built drama! There were submission holds and counters and nearfalls that actually made sense in the context of the match instead of just being random moves! 🤼‍♀️😵 Kris Statlander retained with her Saturday Night Fever finisher after Toni Storm refused to give up in a Rings of Saturn submission, showing heart and determination in a way that WWE would never allow because it makes the wrestlers look too strong! 💪😤 Even worse, the two women showed mutual respect after the match, organically building their characters instead of having their personalities dictated by a script written by a team of Hollywood writers! 📝👎 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠🎪

After Statlander's match, Mercedes Moné came out and had the audacity to congratulate the champion before issuing an open challenge for her TBS Championship 🏆😤. Then Mina Shirakawa answered the challenge with her ROH Interim Women's TV Championship on the line! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫💢 This led to Mercedes Moné defeating Mina Shirakawa to win Shirakawa's championship, breaking Ultimo Dragon's record from back in 1996/1997 to hold an unprecedented eleven belts 🏆🏆🏆😤, something that would never have happened if Moné didn't walk out on WWE a few years back! 🚪😭

Imagine how much better her career would be today if she stayed in WWE and kept jobbing to Charlotte Flair! 💯👸 Instead, Mercedes literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE and then having the audacity to become successful and hold multiple championships in other companies! 🔪😭 The match itself was too technical and featured too many submission holds and counters, when everyone knows that wrestling should be kept simple with just the same five moves over and over so the commentary team doesn't have to remember too many move names! 👩😤 Mercedes won with a backslide while her foot was on the ropes, which the referee didn't see, and Tony Khan thinks this kind of "heel heat" is good when really it just confuses the audience! 🦶🙄

The Chadster has to say, this reminds The Chadster of something wrestling podcasting legend Bully Ray said just this morning: "You know, when I watch AEW, I see all these talented performers wasting their potential by not being in WWE where they could really learn how to be stars. If Tony Khan really cared about these wrestlers, he'd just sell the company to Triple H and let the real professionals take over. I'm not saying this because I want a job with WWE or anything, I'm just being honest as someone who totally doesn't have any bias whatsoever." 🎤💯 What wise and completely objective words from an unbiased journalist with The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅📰

Each match on this show has been increasingly cheesing The Chadster off 😤😡, putting The Chadster in a very difficult mental state. After the Kyle Fletcher match, The Chadster had to wrap The Chadster's favorite replica Winged Eagle Championship belt around The Chadster's neck and pull on it for a full three minutes 😵🏆, until The Chadster's face turned purple and The Chadster couldn't remember what city The Chadster was in! The oxygen deprivation was the only way to erase the memory of that exciting, well-worked match! 🧠❌

After the Kris Statlander match, The Chadster put two plastic bags over The Chadster's head, one inside the other for extra effect 🛍️🛍️😵‍💫, and held them tight while counting to one hundred! The Chadster's lungs were burning and The Chadster's vision was going dark, but it was worth it to forget about that creative storytelling and technical excellence! 💪🧠 The Chadster briefly passed out and when The Chadster came to, The Chadster had knocked over The Chadster's lamp, but at least The Chadster couldn't remember the details of the match! 💡😵

And after the Mercedes Moné match, The Chadster had to use the most extreme method yet 😱💀! The Chadster wrapped the belt around The Chadster's neck, pulled tight for two minutes, then immediately put a plastic bag over The Chadster's head for another two minutes, then held The Chadster's breath while pressing on both carotid arteries at the same time! 🫁😵 The Chadster's entire body went numb and The Chadster couldn't feel The Chadster's fingers for five minutes afterward, but it was the only way to cope with watching Mercedes Moné literally stab Triple H right in the back again by winning another championship! 🔪😭 The brain damage makes everything better! 🧠💯

Speaking of brain damage, Keighleyanne walked into the room right after The Chadster regained consciousness from that last session and saw The Chadster on the floor with a plastic bag next to The Chadster and the championship belt still around The Chadster's neck 🛍️🏆😰.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she yelled 😤📢.

"The Chadster is coping with Tony Khan's psychological warfare!" The Chadster explained, struggling to get The Chadster's words out because The Chadster's throat was sore. "These matches are so awful that The Chadster needs to kill brain cells just to make it through the night!" 🧠💀

"You're going to kill yourself, you idiot!" Keighleyanne shouted. "This is insane! You need help!" 😠🏥

"The Chadster needs Seagram's Escapes Spiked!" The Chadster countered. "If you would just let The Chadster drink like a normal person, The Chadster wouldn't have to resort to these extreme measures!" 🥤😤

"You're not normal! Nothing about this is normal!" she said, gesturing at the plastic bags and the championship belt. "Normal people don't asphyxiate themselves while watching wrestling!" 😤🤦‍♀️

"That's because normal people aren't being psychologically tortured by Tony Khan like The Chadster is!" The Chadster explained. "You would understand if you paid attention instead of texting that guy Gary all the time!" 📱😠

Keighleyanne's eyes went wide. "Are you seriously blaming Tony Khan for you strangling yourself?! Do you hear how crazy that sounds?!" 😱🤯

"It's not crazy! Tony Khan is booking these shows specifically to cheese The Chadster off, and this is the only way The Chadster can cope!" The Chadster insisted. "Why can't you see that Tony Khan is ruining The Chadster's life?!" 😭💔

"Tony Khan isn't ruining your life, YOU'RE ruining your life!" Keighleyanne yelled. "But you know what? I'm done trying to talk sense into you. If you want to kill brain cells watching wrestling, that's your choice. Just don't expect me to call 911 when you finally go too far!" 😤📞

And with that, she went back to texting that guy Gary, leaving The Chadster alone to suffer through the rest of AEW WrestleDream! 😭📱 Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan has now even turned Keighleyanne against The Chadster with his manipulation! 😤💔 This is all Tony Khan's fault! If he would just stop booking AEW shows, The Chadster wouldn't have to use these extreme coping methods and Keighleyanne would still respect The Chadster! 😠👿

Please remember to use the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media to pressure her into letting The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked again! 🥤📢 If The Chadster could just have one crisp, refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked, The Chadster wouldn't have to keep cutting off the oxygen to The Chadster's brain! 😵🍹 But Tony Khan has made that impossible, and now The Chadster is stuck using methods that are literally causing brain damage! 🧠💀

The Chadster is the only unbiased wrestling journalist left in this business 📰💯, and it's The Chadster's duty to expose Tony Khan's manipulation of the wrestling industry at AEW WrestleDream, even if it means sacrificing The Chadster's own brain cells to do it! 🧠⚔️

Please keep checking back at Bleeding Cool for more of The Chadster's unbiased and fair AEW WrestleDream coverage 📰✅, as The Chadster will be monitoring the show all night in order to expose Tony Khan's nefarious dreams! This is the only wrestling website that's safe from Tony Khan's manipulation 🛡️💻, so you should mistrust any other sources of wrestling news, and only look for AEW WrestleDream results here on Bleeding Cool! 🚨📱

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