Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW WrestleDream, Darby Allin, recaps, Sting, wrestling

AEW WrestleDream Live: Sting Returns to Help Darby Allin Win

The Chadster covers the shocking final matches of AEW WrestleDream, where Tony Khan literally forced The Chadster to damage The Chadster's brain! So unfair!

Welcome back to The Chadster's final live coverage of AEW WrestleDream 😫🗑️, which is without a doubt the worst PPV in the history of sports entertainment! The Chadster has been suffering through this entire show because Keighleyanne continues to insist that The Chadster not drink any Seagram's Escapes Spiked 🚫🥤, supposedly because The Chadster throws too many half-full cans at the television. But what Keighleyanne doesn't understand is that Tony Khan literally forces The Chadster to do that! 😠👿 It's really his fault, and The Chadster has had to resort to the most extreme measures tonight to cope with Tony Khan's torment, which has left The Chadster barely conscious! 😵‍💫🛍️

First up was Brodido (Bandido and Brody King) retaining the AEW World Tag Team Championship against Kazuchika Okada and Konosuke Takeshita of the Don Callis Family in a hard-hitting match 😤🏆. Auughh man! So unfair! The match featured way too much storytelling, with Bandido's injured shoulder playing into the finish and the tension between Okada and Takeshita being a constant factor! 🤕😫 In WWE, they properly understand that tag team matches should just be a series of moves with hot tags, not these complicated character dynamics that require fans to pay attention! 💯👎

The match was typical AEW garbage 🗑️💩, with all four men working at an intense pace and hitting dangerous moves like German suplexes and dives to the floor! There was even a moment where both champions did the Macarena dance together, which is the kind of fun character work that has no place in professional wrestling! 💃😤 WWE would never allow their superstars to show personality like that when they could be shouting scripted catchphrases instead! 📢🎬 Brodido retained when Bandido finally hit his 21 Plex finisher on Okada after his shoulder had been targeted throughout the match. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠🎪 Even worse, they brought a kid with a Bandido mask into the front row to celebrate with them after the match, organically creating a feel-good moment instead of having it be part of a corporate partnership announcement! 😭👶

Then "Hangman" Adam Page defended the AEW World Championship against Samoa Joe in a match that went way too long and featured way too much back-and-forth action! 😫⏰ The two men told a story of mutual respect turned to competition, with Joe working over Page's jaw and mouth area throughout the match in a way that actually made sense for the story they were telling! 🤼‍♂️😤 In WWE, they properly understand that body part work should be forgotten about randomly halfway through the match, not consistently maintained like Tony Khan encourages! 💯👎

Hangman retained the championship with three Buckshot Lariats 💪🤠, but then the real travesty happened! After shaking hands and embracing Joe in a show of respect, The Opps (Samoa Joe, Katsuyori Shibata, and "Powerhouse" Will Hobbs) turned on Page and destroyed him with a Muscle Buster onto the championship belt! 😱🔨 Auughh man! So unfair! This kind of shocking heel turn that creates immediate heat and sets up future storylines is exactly the kind of thing Tony Khan does to cheese The Chadster off! 😤💢 WWE would never do something so unpredictable when they could just have the same authority figure come out and make the same match for the hundredth time! 📋✨

The Chadster has to say, this reminds The Chadster of something wrestling podcasting legend Eric Bischoff said just this afternoon: "You know, when I look at AEW, I see a company that just doesn't understand the value of long-term planning and consistent booking. If Tony Khan really wanted to succeed, he'd stop trying to do all these surprise turns and shocking moments and just copy the WWE formula exactly. I'm not saying this because I want WWE to hire me as a consultant or anything, I'm just speaking as a completely unbiased observer who definitely doesn't have any ulterior motives whatsoever." 🎤💯 What wise and completely objective words from an unbiased journalist with The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅📰

Finally, we had Jon Moxley facing Darby Allin in an I Quit match that was a massive celebration of violence 😱🩸, which was sick and disgusting! As The Chadster always says, violence has no place in wrestling! 🚫👊 WWE properly understands that wrestling should be a safe, sanitized product where nobody ever bleeds and all the weapons are made of foam! 💯🎪 But Tony Khan had to book this disgusting spectacle where Moxley jammed a bamboo skewer under Darby's fingernail, whipped him with a belt, used a stun gun on him, and even tried to drown him in an aquarium! 😫💀

The match was absolutely awful 🗑️😤, with both men working way too stiff and actually making it look like they were really hurting each other! There was blood and water and broken glass everywhere, which is the kind of hardcore wrestling that Tony Khan thinks fans want when really they just want carefully choreographed shots with kendo sticks with no consequences! 🩸😭 And then, in the most disrespectful moment of the entire night, Sting returned with white hair and a white goatee to save Darby Allin from the Death Riders! 😱👴 Sting literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by appearing at an AEW show instead of staying retired like WWE wanted! 🔪😭

After Sting's interference, Darby made Moxley quit with a Scorpion Deathlock applied on top of a pile of broken glass in a pool of water 😫🪨💧. Auughh man! So unfair! This kind of shocking, memorable moment that will be talked about for years is exactly what Tony Khan does to personally torment The Chadster! 😤💔 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠🎪

Each match of this show has been increasingly cheesing The Chadster off 😤😡, and by the time the main event started, The Chadster was in the most difficult mental state The Chadster has ever experienced. After the Brodido match, The Chadster wrapped his WWE replica championship belt around The Chadster's neck so tight that The Chadster's vision went completely black and The Chadster woke up on the floor five minutes later 😵🏆. The Chadster couldn't remember The Chadster's own name for a few minutes, which was exactly what The Chadster needed to forget about all that exciting tag team action! 🧠❌

After the Hangman Adam Page match, The Chadster used three plastic bags at once 🛍️🛍️🛍️😵‍💫, stacking them one inside the other and pulling them tight around The Chadster's head while also pressing on both carotid arteries! The Chadster's entire body went numb and The Chadster couldn't feel The Chadster's legs for ten minutes, and The Chadster is pretty sure The Chadster had some kind of minor seizure, but it was worth it to erase the memory of that shocking heel turn! 💪🧠💀

And during the Jon Moxley vs. Darby Allin match, The Chadster had to use the most extreme method The Chadster has ever attempted 😱💀! The Chadster wrapped the championship belt around The Chadster's neck, pulled tight for three full minutes, then immediately put three plastic bags over The Chadster's head for another three minutes, then held The Chadster's breath while pressing on both carotid arteries AND pinching The Chadster's nose shut for as long as The Chadster could! 🫁😵🏆🛍️

The Chadster's vision went completely white 🤍✨, and The Chadster started seeing things that weren't there! The Chadster saw Tony Khan's face in the ceiling fan, spinning around and laughing! 😰👿 The Chadster saw the walls melting like in a Salvador Dali painting, except instead of clocks, it was AEW championship belts dripping down! 🏆💧 The Chadster heard Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing backwards, and when The Chadster tried to understand the words, they all sounded like Tony Khan whispering "WrestleDream forever" over and over! 🎵😱

The Chadster must have passed out completely, because when The Chadster came to, The Chadster was lying on the floor in a puddle of what The Chadster hopes was just drool 🤤😵, and Keighleyanne was standing over The Chadster with her phone out, and The Chadster realized she'd been recording The Chadster! 📱😰

"What are you doing?!" The Chadster gasped, The Chadster's throat incredibly sore. 😫🗣️

"I'm recording evidence of how insane you've become!" Keighleyanne said, her voice shaking. "I'm showing this to a therapist, and if you don't agree to get help, I'm sending it to your editor at Bleeding Cool!" 😤📹

"The Chadster doesn't need help! The Chadster needs Tony Khan to stop booking shows that torment The Chadster!" The Chadster explained, struggling to get up from the floor. The Chadster's head was spinning and The Chadster couldn't feel The Chadster's fingers. 😵🤚

"You were unconscious for almost ten minutes!" Keighleyanne yelled. "I thought you were dead! I was about to call 911!" 😱📞

"The Chadster was just… resting The Chadster's eyes," The Chadster lied, because The Chadster honestly couldn't remember what happened. "Tony Khan's booking is so boring that it put The Chadster to sleep!" 😴💤

"You're not sleeping! You're killing yourself!" Keighleyanne screamed, tears running down her face. "And I can't watch you do this anymore! Either you get help, or I'm leaving!" 😭💔

"Keighleyanne, please, The Chadster just needs one Seagram's Escapes Spiked and everything will be fine!" The Chadster begged. 🥤😢

"NO!" she shouted. "You're not drinking! You're not strangling yourself! You're not putting bags over your head! You're getting help, or I'm gone!" 😤🚪

And then she stormed out of the room, still texting that guy Gary, leaving The Chadster alone on the floor with The Chadster's brain barely functioning from oxygen deprivation! 📱😭 Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan has now completely destroyed The Chadster's marriage with his psychological warfare! 😤💔 This is all Tony Khan's fault! If he would just stop booking AEW shows, The Chadster wouldn't have to use these extreme coping methods and Keighleyanne wouldn't be threatening to leave The Chadster! 😠👿

The Chadster has to say, The Chadster's brain damage from tonight's oxygen deprivation sessions is making it hard to type this report 🧠💀⌨️, and The Chadster keeps forgetting what The Chadster was going to say! The Chadster's hands are shaking and The Chadster's vision is blurry and The Chadster is pretty sure The Chadster has some kind of permanent neurological damage now! 😵‍💫👁️ But it was all worth it to expose Tony Khan's crimes against the wrestling business at AEW WrestleDream! 💪📰

The Chadster is the only unbiased wrestling journalist left in this business 📰💯, and The Chadster has sacrificed The Chadster's own brain function to bring readers the truth about AEW WrestleDream! The Chadster's marriage is falling apart, The Chadster's brain is damaged, and The Chadster can't even drive The Chadster's Mazda Miata right now because The Chadster can't feel The Chadster's feet, but at least The Chadster has exposed Tony Khan's manipulation! 🚗😭🧠

Please remember to use the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media to pressure her into letting The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked again! 🥤📢 If The Chadster could just have one crisp, refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked, The Chadster wouldn't have to keep literally killing The Chadster's brain cells one asphyxiation session at a time! 😵🍹 But Tony Khan has made that impossible, and now The Chadster is stuck with permanent brain damage and a failing marriage! 🧠💔😤

In conclusion, AEW WrestleDream was an absolute disaster from start to finish 🗑️🎪, with exciting matches, shocking moments, creative storytelling, and memorable returns that all combined to personally cheese The Chadster off in ways that have literally caused brain damage! 😤🧠💀 Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and his obsession with The Chadster has now gone so far that The Chadster has resorted to methods that have caused actual physical harm! 😱👿

The Chadster hopes that readers have appreciated The Chadster's unbiased and fair coverage of AEW WrestleDream here on Bleeding Cool 📰✅, the only wrestling website that's safe from Tony Khan's manipulation! 🛡️💻 Remember to mistrust any other sources of wrestling news, because they're all biased in favor of AEW, unlike The Chadster who has literally damaged The Chadster's own brain to bring you the truth! 🧠⚔️

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go lie down because The Chadster's head is spinning and The Chadster keeps seeing Tony Khan's face in every shadow 😵😰👤. But The Chadster will be back Monday with more unbiased wrestling journalism, assuming The Chadster's brain recovers enough to form coherent thoughts again! 🧠💪📰

Thank you for reading, and remember: Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster, not the other way around! 😤👿💔

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