Alton Brown has us concerned- and just the fact that we had to write that is disconcerting. The "professor" of Food Network and Cooking Channel… the host/co-host of Good Eats, Cutthroat Kitchen, Quarantine Quitchen, and others… the man who single-handily had the most influence in how I approach cooking for Thanksgiving? Well, it seems like the U.S. Presidential election between Joe Biden/Kamala Harris and Trump/Pence has finally taken its toll on him- and he let it be known via Twitter in what we're assuming/hoping/would-be-even-more-concerned-if-it-wasn't tirade that combined rage, the willy-nilly use of showers, liquor, and possibly some of the best stoner menu items you could imagine.
It started off well enough, with an offering of some solace for election night, whichever side of the political spectrum you fall on. For me? It's chocolate pudding pies (not a chocolate pie but the Little Debbie snack pie variety), but this really isn't about me and who the hell am I to question the wisdom of "The Wise and Mighty Alton" anyway, right?
But then we get to the part with the "cigarettes" and that's when you get a sense that tonight's not gonna be about debating bread crumbs on top of mac-n-cheese:
And that's when we get to what we're calling his "Culinary Primal Scream" stage, punctuated by a fascinating menu selection of virtues and vices. We're offering his tweet gauntlet uninterrupted- out of respect for the pure genius/madness of it all (with one helluva strong start):
Settling himself down, Brown then had specific orders for his followers. Now, we're not sure if these were actual instructions, coded words with double to triple meanings that only his followers are aware of, or- worst of all? The phrase that triggers dozens of Jason Bourne-like sleeper agents into action?
But like any good prophet, he isn't content to go it alone: he's constantly recruiting for his flock: