Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Cody Rhodes, recaps, wrestling, wwe royal rumble

Cody Rhodes Retains at Royal Rumble, Resulting in Wrestling Nirvana

The Chadster experiences pure wrestling ecstasy as Cody Rhodes retains in a ladder match at Royal Rumble, proving once again that WWE knows how to do wrestling right! 🪜 💪

The Chadster has to tell you all about the absolutely perfect ladder match between Cody Rhodes and Kevin Owens at tonight's WWE Royal Rumble, because it just proved everything The Chadster has been saying about how wrestling should be done! 🪜 💪

Unlike the way Tony Khan books his dangerous, ultra-violent matches in AEW that are just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it, WWE knows how to present controlled violence that doesn't make The Chadster worry about anyone's safety. 😌 Every ladder spot was executed with precision, breaking exactly how they should, and The Chadster felt completely at peace watching these two professionals work their magic. 🎩 ✨

The way Triple H books these matches shows such reverence for the art form. When Rhodes and Owens engaged in high-rick maneuvers that could go horribly wrong at any second, like Cody powerbombing Owens through a ladder from the announce table, The Chadster knew everything would be okay because WWE understands a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙏 Unlike in AEW, where they just do random flips and dangerous moves with no psychology! 😤

Speaking of which, The Chadster was listening to Bully Ray's Busted Open Radio the other day, and he said something so profound: "WWE ladder matches are like a perfectly choreographed ballet, while AEW ladder matches are like a car crash in slow motion. Tony Khan needs to learn from Triple H about how to protect his talent." See? The Chadster isn't the only unbiased journalist who sees this! 📱 💯

Eric Bischoff also made an excellent point on his podcast when he said, "The difference between WWE and AEW ladder matches is that WWE understands storytelling, while Tony Khan just throws ladders around like a child playing with toys." So true, Eric! 🎤

But the most magical moment came when Cody held both championships high above his head, his own WWE Championship, and the winged eagle belt that Owens had recently stolen. The Chadster literally experienced a spiritual awakening! 🌟 The Chadster's soul left The Chadster's body and floated up to a magical realm where Triple H was sitting on a throne made of golden ladders, and Roman Reigns and John Cena were serving him White Claws! 🍺

But then, wouldn't you know it, Keighleyanne had to ruin everything by smacking The Chadster across the face and asking why The Chadster was writhing around on the floor pouring White Claw all over The Chadster's favorite Smash Mouth t-shirt! 😫 And then she just went right back to texting that guy Gary! Auughh man! So unfair!

You know who The Chadster blames for this? Tony Khan! If Tony Khan wasn't so obsessed with The Chadster and trying to hurt WWE's business, maybe Keighleyanne would appreciate these moments of pure wrestling artistry instead of being corrupted by AEW's influence! 😠

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, just yesterday The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through the car wash, and The Chadster swears he saw Tony Khan controlling the spinning brushes to hit The Chadster's car extra hard! But when The Chadster got out to complain, he was nowhere to be found! 🚗

The Chadster will be back with more unbiased coverage of the WWE Royal Rumble all night long, as long as Tony Khan doesn't try to sabotage The Chadster's internet connection again! 🌟 💻

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