Dave Bautista Missed Bernie Sanders Speech Because He Was Pooping

Former WWE wrestler and Hollywood megastar Dave Bautista has long been involved in an epic feud with fellow WWE Hall-of-Famer President Donald Trump, as chronicled here in multiple investigative reports from Bleeding Cool. While shooting on Trump, Bautista has often put over one of Trump's rivals, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. But when it came time to watch Sanders speak during the first night of the Democratic National Convention, Bautista wasn't there for his ally. What could cause Bautista to turn away from one of his biggest allies in the war on Trump during his hour of need? The pleasure of pooping on a Japanese toilet.

Dave Bautista at the Los Angeles premiere of 'Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2' held at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, USA on April 19, 2017. Editorial credit: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com
Dave Bautista at the Los Angeles premiere of 'Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2' held at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, USA, on April 19, 2017. Editorial credit: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com

"I went to the bathroom, and freakin missed @SenSanders…" Bautista tweeted. "besides that, are you guys tearing up? @MichelleObama is the shiiiiiit!!! 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼"

When asked how he missed the entire seven-minute speech on a bathroom break, Bautista explained, "Hey! I got a Japanese toilet, and I didn't realize @SenSanders was coming up so fast! You try sitting on a Japanese toilet for less than 10 minutes! It's impossible! No one can do it!" Bautista then tweeted a video of a Japanese toilet (it is unclear whether it was his specific Japanese toilet) with the caption, "Can you hear the angelic nusic (sic) playing in your head!"

One might wonder why Bautista couldn't just wait until the convention was over, considering Sanders was one of the headline speakers, and the convention was only about two hours long. However, the need to poop is different for wrestlers than it is for regular people. Former WCW star Bill Goldberg elaborated on the phenomenon back in 2017, saying, "I am nothing but a machine now. I get up in the morning. I eat. I train. I eat. I go to the bathroom about 20 times intermittently throughout the day because I'm shoving 15 to 20,000 calories in my body and it doesn't know what's going on. At 50 years old, it has no idea."

 

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A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!